Everyone Bleeds, But in Time The Wounds Heal
by A Thing For Brothers
Summary: Sequel to Struggle to Breathe. The gang is back for the third story. When Johnny's foster parents turn out to be wonderful, tension rises between the gang. Will they be able to feel happy for their friend or will it cause unwanted jealousies?
1. We're Back!

**I hope you enjoy the third in the "It's Hard to Shake The Pain" trilogy. This one is set a month before Johnny gets out.**

**Thanks to Anna/RockerLane for helping me decide on a title! You rock!**

Ponyboy pushed himself up on the handle bars. Though he had nearly full mobility and strength in his leg, he still couldn't walk without crutches. He'd have to be fitted in an artificial leg before he could do that. He wished it could just hurry up and happen, though he hated the extra money his brothers would have to pay to get it. He was thankful to be out of the wheelchair, though. But his underarms ached from the crutches. He still wasn't quite used to the crutches, having only gotten them a few weeks ago.

Pony wiped at the sweat that poured down his face. His shirt was wet and sticky from the sweat. Once again, he'd overdone it. He knew he shouldn't push himself so hard, but he reasoned that the harder he worked the faster his progress. He was glad he remembered to bring an extra outfit to change into for when his oldest brother Darry picked him up.

Pony took a long drink from his water bottle, thankful for the sensation the cold liquid brought to his dry mouth. Capping the bottle, Pony took out his change of clothes. He grabbed his crutches and pushed himself to a standing position, then went into the locker room to change.

Physical therapy was hard work. It didn't have to be, since now he basically set his own pace. The doctors just told him which places to work at. He was thankful for how he had muscled over the months of hard physical therapy. Though still no where near the bulk of Darry, he had definitely gained weight in muscle.

Once changed and showered, Pony went out to the lobby to wait on Darry. He sank into one of the chairs, feeling too exhausted to remain standing for too long.

Darry was right on time, as usual. He pulled up to the side of the center and waited in the truck. Seeing his brother, Pony got up and walked to the doors, only having slight difficulty with carrying his gym bag.

Darry got out and took his brother's bag from him.

"How was it today?" he asked Pony as he threw the bag in the back of the truck.

"Okay." Pony was grateful for the locker rooms. If Darry had seen the sweat he'd worked up, he would have questioned how hard he was pushing himself. Pony had already gotten one lecture over it before. Now, though, he was better at hiding it, until, of course, it came time for bed. Then he slept like the dead.

"Good. You didn't overdo it, did you?" Darry studied his youngest brother carefully as he held his hands out to take Pony's crutches to lay in the back.

"No. Stop worrying, Darry." Pony rolled his eyes. It was no use, though, telling Darry not to worry. Worrying came as easily to Darry as breathing.

"Fine, fine. I just don't want you making yourself sick."

Pony hadn't mentioned the times he had made himself sick by working himself so hard. It was as though Darry knew, but didn't want to come out and say it.

Pony jumped on his one leg as he pulled himself in by grabbing onto the door and the back of the seat. Once inside, he shut the door.

Darry walked around to his side and got in, starting up the car. The two made small talk, not really talking about anything of great importance.

Once they arrived at their house, Pony waited patiently for his brother to hand him his crutches. Darry carried Pony's bag inside while Pony checked the mailbox, eagerly awaiting a message from his best friend Johnny, who was still in juvenile detention.

He was rewarded with a letter, just as he had hoped. Once in the privacy of his room-though he shared it with his brother Soda, who was still at work-he opened the letter quickly, taking in his friend's words.

_Dear Ponyboy,_

_I can't believe I get out of here in a month! I'm excited, but also nervous. The people here told me that I'd be placed in foster care, unless a guardian of some sort can be found. I don't know who my foster parents are yet, but I hope they're nice. I wouldn't be able to stand another abusive, neglectful family._

_Did Darry get the letter I sent him? If so, did he tell you about it? Well, I wrote him and told him not to be a hero and become my legal guardian. I know you guys can't afford it and I'd hate to be a bother to you. I'll be okay with a foster family. I don't want Darry and Soda working even harder just on my account._

_Dallas should be out soon, right? It'll be so good to see the gang again. I'm so relieved that Two-Bit and his mom are doing so well, considering how much trauma they've been through. They're lucky to have each other. Has Steve given his father an answer about moving back in with him yet? I hope they can work out their differences. At least his father seems to care._

_Well, I hope to hear from you soon. Good luck with physical therapy! Stop pushing yourself so hard! You'll be back to your old self in no time._

_Your friend,_

_Johnny_

"Back to my old self? What does that mean? My old self didn't have one leg and one artificial one." Pony though to himself.

Darry knocked on the door frame as he stood there, watching his youngest brother. Pony looked up and Darry smiled at him.

"A letter from Johnny? How's he doing?"

"Good, I guess. He's ready to be out."

"Yeah. I can imagine so."

Pony walked over to his bed and sat down. Darry followed.

"Everything okay?" Darry asked, looking worriedly at Pony.

"Yeah. Everything is okay."

"Good." Darry smiled, wrapping an arm around Pony's shoulders.

"Soda should be home soon."

"Okay."

"You want anything in particular for supper?"

"No." Pony's appetite hadn't increased, even after such a strong workout. His brothers ate anything and everything. Pony still had trouble working up hunger, even though he was getting happier, now that he was up and walking.

"You want to go watch some tv? You don't have any homework do you?" Darry asked as he stood over his brother.

"No, I don't have any homework."

"Then come on."

Darry led the way into the living room, sitting down in his "personal" arm chair. It was unofficially his, since no one else sat there, except for when one of the gang liked to mess with him. Darry watched his youngest brother as he came in, smiling still at the sight of him walking again. The concentration on his brother's face made him proud. Pony was stronger than he'd given him credit for being. It pleased him to know that Pony would get through this. His determination demanded that he did.

The two brothers were barely through watching one tv show when their brother Soda walked in loudly, immediately kicking off his shoes. Soda despised shoes. They felt too confining on his feet. When he saw his brothers sitting in the living room, he grinned from ear to ear.

"Hey guys! What's up?" Soda asked as he plopped down hard on the couch, bouncing Pony a little.

"Not much. How was work?" Darry asked. He'd need to go to work later that night since he switched shifts with one of his fellow workers so he could take Pony to physical therapy and drive him home.

"Boring. Steve took up most of the work. It was a slow day, so we were fighting over customers."

"You should be happy you didn't have to work too hard."

"Eh, well, it's not that exciting then, is it?" Soda turned to his younger brother. "So how was physical therapy? They work you to the ground?"

Pony shook his head. "No, it wasn't that bad, surprisingly."

"Good. They have to save me some of you to beat up on." Soda playful punched Pony's shoulder. He grit his teeth to keep from crying out. His arms were already sore enough before he went to physical therapy. It only made it worse afterwards.

Pony forced a smile as he lightly hit Sodapop back.

"Steve say anything more about his dad?" Darry asked out of curiosity. Steve had told Soda that his father wanted Steve to move back in with him. Steve, who had been living with Buck or Two-Bit, was reluctant to move back in with his father. He didn't want to have to go through his father hitting him and yelling at him to get out. His father swore he had changed, but Steve had a hard time believing him.

"No. Every time he does mention him it's followed by a string of curses." Soda felt bad for his best friend. Soda had known a loving father. He'd give anything to have him back. Steve had had a good mother, but once she committed suicide, it was just him and his father and the two couldn't get along even when Steve's mother was alive.

"It's awful," Darry said as he shook his head.

Pony struggled to stand. His brothers watched, ready to help when necessary. For the first week, Pony had had a lot of trouble and had fallen several times. Darry and Soda got used to preparing to catch him.

"I think I'm going to take a nap before supper," Pony said as he started for his room.

"Are you all right?" Darry asked.

"I'm fine. I didn't sleep well last night," he lied.

"Oh. Okay. We'll wake you when supper's ready."

Pony was thankful to escape to his room. He laid down on his bed, reveling in its soft comfort. He didn't like hearing about Steve's troubles. He thought of them enough on his own. Pony hoped that by sleeping now he wouldn't sleep as heavily later. It always brought a few questions from his older brothers.

Meanwhile, Darry and Soda exchanged looks, worrying about Pony.

"Do you think he overdid it today?" Soda asked his older brother.

"I'm not sure. He looked fine when I picked him up."

"I hope he doesn't. But, I'm sure he's anxious getting back to the way he was before."

"Almost," Darry reminded softly.

"Yeah. I wish it wasn't that way. I wish he had both legs. When is his artificial leg supposed to come in at the hospital?"

"The doctor said up to two months, but hopefully sooner. He'll still have to walk with crutches for a while, but eventually he'll be able to walk without them."

"I can't wait for that day. I'm sure Pony can't either."

"Let's go check on him," Darry suggested, standing to go down the hall. Soda followed after.

Darry cracked open the door, peering in. He saw his youngest brother stretched out on the bed, already sound asleep. He moved aside so Soda could look. When he saw Pony, he turned to Darry and smiled at him.

"That didn't take long, did it?" he asked with a grin.

Darry smiled back. "Nope. Not long at all."

With an arm around Soda's shoulder, Darry walked with his brother to the living room. He let go then and walked into the kitchen, going inside to prepare supper for his younger brothers.


	2. Things Should Get Interesting

**Darry's POV**

In the morning, I went to check on Pony. He had gone to bed early, as he usually does after a day of physical therapy. I worry he's pushing himself too hard, though he says he isn't. The only real sign that he is is how well he sleeps the night after physical therapy. I hope he's not overdoing it. As much as I want him healed quickly, I don't want him to hurt himself in the process.

I walked to Pony's side of the bed. Soda was sleeping soundly, as usual. He had one arm draped over Pony's chest, a movement of habit, I suppose.

I watched Pony sleep. There was a strange furrow to his brow, as though he was in pain. When he turned on his side, he moaned.

Fearing my suspicions were correct, I leaned down and gentle shook Pony's shoulder. He opened his eyes slightly, blinking up at me.

"Come on. I want to talk to you."

Pony looked for his crutches but I held a hand out.

"I don't want to wake Soda. Just lean on me."

I gave him a hand getting up, then draped his left arm across my shoulders. We moved slowly into the living room where I walked him to the couch. He sank down and I couldn't help but hear another moan of pain.

"Pony... what's going on?"

Pony met my gaze and shrugged.

"Pony, don't give me that. I thought you trusted me and Soda now. You have to tell us when something is bothering you. We're here to help you. You know that."

Pony looked down, embarrassed, at the floor in front of him. It was enough to tell me the truth. I moved from my place on the arm chair and sat beside him.

"Look at me," I ordered.

He turned his gaze up to me, though reluctantly.

"I don't want you to push yourself so hard. You hear me? I know you're anxious to be able to walk without the crutches, but it'll happen soon enough. Just take your time. I don't want you to get hurt and then have to face a disappointment because it'll be a setback with your progress. Please, Pony. I don't want you to hurt yourself."

Pony cast his gaze away from my eyes. I saw him struggle with the tears that showed plainly in his eyes. When he turned back to me, he had allowed one to spill.

"Okay, Darry." His voice was quiet, hoarse with emotions.

"Good." I smiled at him and wrapped him in a hug. Pony hugged me back tightly, using me to regain his composure.

"You ready to get back to bed?"

Pony yawned and I laughed. "I take that as a yes."

I helped Pony get back to bed. He wiggled under the covers and was nearly asleep already. I placed a hand lovingly on his forehead.

"Sleep tight, kiddo."

I left after that, already prepared to go to work.

**Steve's POV**

I stood groggily and walked to the door. Someone was knocking already and I was annoyed. I didn't want Buck to wake up, so I answered it instead.

Prepared with a "what do you want?", I was surprised to find my father on the other side, his hat in his hands.

"Hello, son."

I tried to shut the door in his face, but he stuck his hand out before it would shut all the way.

"Please. Just hear me out."

Growling, I walked back to the couch where I'd been sleeping. Dad stood in front of me, nervously twisting his hat in his hands.

"I... I've changed. I've sobered up. You can trust me now. I-I think your mother would be proud of me. I'm doing good now. You can come home. I won't hurt you or anything. You know I was only mean when I was drunk." As true as that was, I couldn't just forgive him like nothing had ever happened, and I sure as hell couldn't just go back to living with him.

"I'll think about it." It was the most I'd given him. All the other times I'd just said no.

"That's good. Please, say yes. We can be a family again, like your mother always wanted. She wouldn't want you and I to be fighting."

"Like we ever weren't when she was alive?"

He flinched.

"I-I'll come back in a few days to get your answer. Or, you can just come home."

"Fine."

WIth a nod, he walked out the door.

I sank into the navy blue couch. It needed more cushioning, but I preferred sleeping here than at Two-Bit's. I hated being such a bother to him. Here, many people stayed the night, but Buck didn't care. Two-Bit and his mom were still reconnecting. It frightened me, still, to see the dark red stain on the carpet of their living room. I couldn't shake how close Two-Bit had come to killing himself. Sometimes I wondered if we'd all end up that way some day.

Could I actually trust my father? Could I really go back to that house and live with him? I didn't think I would. But guilt over what Mom wanted was starting to get the best of me. She had always wanted us to get along. She'd never seen it happen, except when I was really young. I had a hard time believing that Dad was sober for good. He'd been an alcoholic my whole life, and probably before. How could he change so quickly, just a matter of months? It didn't seem possible.

But I was beginning to convince myself that I should give him another chance.

Would I regret it later?

**Dallas' POV**

I looked up when the door opened. Another inmate. Yippee.

But as I looked to the door, I recognized the greasy black hair. I smiled to myself as I sat up on the bed. This might make the last month a bit more enjoyable.

I waited while guard escorted the young man to the jail across from mine. Great. At least we can see each other.

After a few profanities from the prisoner, the guard left. I waited until he was out the door to speak.

"Hey, Tim," I said, grinning like a tomcat.

Tim spun around and grinned.

"Well, well, well. Dallas Winston. I thought I wouldn't see you for a long time. I haven't really. How you been?"

"As good as I can be sitting in a jail cell all day. What are you in for, man?"

"I just slashed someone's tires. I'll be out by the end of the week."

"Shame. I was hoping you could keep me company for the next damn month. Time sure goes by slow when you're not free to slash tires, huh?"

Tim shook his head. "Don't I know it. I've gotten enough experience with it. You'd think we'd stop after a while, but we never do do we?"

"Where's the fun in that?"

Tim laughed, and I joined him. It felt good to see a familiar face for once. It was hard staring at a plain concrete wall all day. At least I had someone to talk to now.

"How's Curly doin'?"

"Surprisingly, he's not in juvie. There's a first for everything. The little..." Tim followed that up with a string of curses. I laughed. He had a strange way of showing affection for his little brother. The Curtises gave each other hugs. I don't know which I think is better.

"Seen any of my gang around?"

"Not much. I saw Ponyboy from a distance." I looked up at Pony's name. It'd been so long since I'd seen him. Was he okay?

"How's he doing?"

"He was walking, man. I couldn't believe it. Of course, he had crutches, but it was definitely him. I was confused, but he did look a lot bigger than before."

I felt relief wash over me. Pony was walking, huh? He must be thrilled.

"Anyone else?"

"Well, I saw Steve a few times at Buck's. He's been stayin' there since his old man kicked him out. I hear he's wanting him to come back home, though. Idiot."

Steve's father was a mean drunk. I hoped Steve wouldn't go back. He was better off without him.

"That it?"

"Yeah. It's boring. We need another rumble, man. I was thinking about starting something just for a rumble,"

I laughed. "I wouldn't be surprised if you did."

Someone knocked on the door loudly, catching our attention.

"Quiet down in there!" Someone screamed from the other side.

I turned back to Tim. He whispered a few "colorful" phrases. I snickered at how he mocked them.

Oh, yeah. This would make things a lot more interesting.


	3. Never Forget

Ponyboy stood from his bed when he heard his brother's truck pull out of the driveway. Feeling the urge to throw up, he fought it down until he could reach the bathroom. Deciding to hop on his one leg since it would be faster, he went as fast as he could to the bathroom.

Exhausted already, Pony dropped down in front of the toilet and emptied his stomach. He was beginning to believe Darry about working himself so hard that he got sick. School was going to be brutal today.

He broke out in a cold sweat. Shaking, he tried to pull himself up by the counter of the sink. When his strength gave out and he fell back down on the floor, he decided to crawl back to his room after flushing the toilet.

Pony wasn't prepared for his older brother to be awake. Soda was sitting up in bed when Pony crawled in. Startled, he looked at his younger brother worriedly.

"Pony! What's wrong? Why are you on the floor?" Soda hurried to his brother's side and helped him to a standing position. Pony leaned heavily on his older brother.

"I-I had to get to the bathroom and I didn't get my crutches."

"Why did you have to get to the bathroom? Are you sick?"

Once Pony was back on the bed, Soda looked at his brother closely. Judging by the flush of his brother's face and the sweat broken out on his forehead, Soda guessed he had a fever. Touching his little brother's forehead with his hand, he proved himself right.

"Gosh, Pony, you have a fever! You stay put. You must have a cold or something. You won't be going to school today." Soda got up and left the room.

Pony was upset that his brother had caught his misery. He didn't know he had a fever. This wasn't going to be a pleasant day. Though thankful for a day of rest away from school, he wasn't looking forward to the aches and pains.

Soda came back with some pain relievers. Pony swallowed the pills greedily with a tall glass of water. He felt some miss his mouth and spill off his chin and onto the front of his shirt. He didn't care. It felt good on his dry throat.

"Do you want me to stay home with you today?" Soda asked.

"No. You need to get to work. I'll sleep." Pony already scrunched down into the covers, feeling a chill in his bones.

"Are you sure, kiddo?" Soda brushed the hair off Pony's wet forehead. Pony had his eyes closed, ready for sleep.

"I'll be okay. If you're that worried, you can check back on your lunch break."

"That's true. I hate to leave you by yourself, though."

"I won't even know you're gone."

"You still have to eat something, you know."

"I will if I wake up."

Soda sighed. "Okay. But call the DX if you need anything, okay?"

"Okay." Pony was almost asleep.

"Sleep tight."

"I 'ill." Pony's words were hard to understand since he was already falling asleep.

Soda smiled at Pony's sleeping form. After patting his brother's arm, he got up and got ready for work.

Soda worried about his younger brother. Though many months before the three of them had decided to be open and honest with each other, he feared that his little brother still held things back from him and Darry. It w as the unknowns that scared him. What was going on in his little brother's head?

Soda was left to ponder these things throughout his work day. And he never found an answer.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Johnny Cade was ready to be free. His current roommate, Andy, wasn't exactly fun. He'd gone through four roommates in the year he'd been here. Forever the first one would stay on his mind. He could never forget Tom. He still had the journal Tom wrote and he read it whenever he could, though he'd already read it through several times before.

Life hadn't been good to his first roommate. Johnny's life wasn't pleasant, but compared to Tom's, he was thankful for the way his life had turned out. At least Johnny had the gang. He hadn't met his foster family yet. It made him nervous to think who he might be staying with. He feared that the foster parents would be worse than his biological parents. That thought was terrifying.

"Hey, John, you want to play 20 questions?" Andy asked. Johnny probably should be nicer to the kid. He didn't believe Andy had done anything that bad. The kid was too immature to do anything serious. Johnny didn't expect him to stay long.

"Not really."

"Oh. Okay."

Johnny returned to his thoughts. What would it be like living with strangers? What if they didn't like him and sent him to another foster family? What if he had to go miles and miles away from the gang then and never see them again? He feared that. The gang meant everything to him. They were his brothers. He couldn't leave them after already being away from them for so long. It would kill him.

"Hey, John?"

"Yeah?"

"You want to play charades?"

"No."

"Okay."

Johnny knew Andy would ask him to play something else in a matter of seconds. Eventually, he'd have to agree to one of the games, though he really didn't feel like playing with some twelve-year-old kid. It would be more to shut him up than for pleasure.

"Johnny?"

"What?" Johnny growled, losing his patience.

"Never mind." Andy recoiled, fearful.

"What? Don't get my attention and then say never mind? What is it?"

"You want to know what I did?" After a long silence, Andy asked.

"Fine. What did you do?" Johnny wasn't sure what Andy meant, but he could stand listening better than playing.

"I killed my little brother."

Johnny gasped and shot up on the bed he was laying on, hitting his head on the top bunk.

"Ow." Johnny grabbed his forehead where he'd hit the top bunk.

"Are you serious?" Johnny asked, not believing that this little kid could do something like that.

"Yes. He kept bugging me, so I hit him. I didn't mean for him to fall into the pool. I didn't mean for him to drown. I just wanted him to leave me alone."

Johnny could only stare at the boy with wide eyes. He'd been the kid's roommate for three weeks and he never knew that. He hadn't told Andy why he was in, but he'd never asked. Johnny wasn't sure he'd tell him if he did ask, though.

"Are you going to hit me if I start bugging you too much?" Andy's voice held a scared tone. Johnny softened.

"No. I wouldn't hit you. I wouldn't like it very much, but I wouldn't hit you."

Andy gave a small smile. "That's good."

Andy climbed on the top bunk and laid down.

"I think I'm going to get some sleep."

"You do that, kid."

"Night, John."

"Good night."

Johnny rolled his eyes. He could hardly believe the kid had done something like that. Maybe he was lying? He doubted it. Andy was too damn honest as it was.

Two murderers. Johnny hated thinking about it that way, but it was true. Neither of them had meant to kill, but that's what had happened.

Johnny felt a tremor inside him and soon it attacked his whole being until he couldn't stop the shaking.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Mom, let me help you with that." Two-Bit moved to his mother's side as she came in with an armful of groceries.

"Thank you, sweetie." Katherine Mathews kissed her son's cheek as he came up to take the groceries out of her hands.

"You're welcome."

The two have them had grown nearly inseparable since Two-Bit's little sister Molly died. It made him realize how much he'd neglected his mother, who had already been neglected enough when her husband walked out on her and her two children. Two-Bit made up for it every day, fulfilling a promise he made to his little sister to take care of her. He wished he had stuck around more when Molly was alive. He had just been getting to know his sister when she passed away from a brain tumor. It had nearly killed him...literally. After Molly died, Two-Bit attempted suicide, though he realized at the last minute that he couldn't go through with it. He'd been left with a scar from the gunshot wound on his left shoulder. It reminded him every day how close he had come to killing himself. Now the thought scared him, but at the time, it felt like an easy way out.

"You going to set them down or just stand there all day?" Katherine teased her son who stood lost in thought.

Shaking his head, Two-Bit grinned and turned back to the task at hand and back to the present.

The two of them had been getting along well. Two-Bit had even gotten a part-time job as a busboy where his mom worked as a waitress. It helped being together working, too, and the extra money was always helpful.

"Why don't you invite your friends over tonight? I bought enough for a feast!" Katherine said.

"Sure. Can you handle this while I'm gone?"

Katherine smiled. "Of course, silly. Now get." She shooed him out the door like a stray cat.

"Okay, okay. I'm gone."

Two-Bit ran the distance to the DX, knowing Steve and Soda would be there. He could extend his invitation to the Curtis brothers through Soda, that way he'd only have to make the one stop.

"Hey, look what the cat dragged in," Soda called, grinning from ear-to-ear, as Two-Bit walked up. Steve peered over the hood of a car and saw Two-Bit. He smiled at his friend, wiping the grease off his hands.

"What's up, man?" Steve asked as he gave Two-Bit a handshake and a one-armed hug.

"Nothing much. My mom wants to know if ya'll want to come over tonight for supper. Supposedly, she bought enough for a feast."

"That sounds good to me," Soda said, repeating Steve's movements with Two-Bit.

"Sure, I'll come," Steve said, thankful fora good meal.

"That's great!"

"Hey, Two-Bit, would you mind doing me a big favor?" Soda asked.

"It depends on the favor. Shoot."

"Pony hasn't been feeling well. Would you mind stopping by our house and seeing how he's doing? If he's sick, I don't want us to come over tonight."

"Okay. If he's okay, though, you'll come, right?"

Soda grinned. "Of course. And if Darry's okay with it."

"What time does he get off work, anyway?"

"About six o'clock."

"Good. Come over at six-thirty."

"All right. I guess we'll see you then."

"Later, guys!"

Two-Bit walked away from the DX and headed to the Curtis house.

"Anybody home?" he asked, knowing Pony would be.

"In here." He heard Pony call from his room.

Two-Bit stopped at the door.

"You do have your clothes on, right? I don't want to walk in on you naked."

"I'm fully dressed!" Pony grumbled.

"If you say so."

Two-Bit opened the door and walked in. Pony was laying on the bed, his hair going in every direction. He looked like he just woke up.

"Well, ain't you a sight for sore eyes?" Two-Bit teased as he walked into the room and up to Pony's bed.

"Thanks. What do you want?"

"Feisty are we? I was told to come check on you by your worrying older brother Sodapop. So how are you?"

"I think my fever broke. Now I just feel groggy."

Two-Bit reached a hand out and touched Pony's forehead.

"Yep. You're cool, no fever. You want to come over to my house tonight?"

Pony felt uncomfortable enough in Two-Bit's presence. How would he make it if he had to stay in his house? The same house where he'd seen Two-Bit lying in his own blood from a self-inflicted gunshot wound? Pony wasn't sure he could handle it, but he knew Soda and Darry would enjoy it. Besides, then they could save money on a meal.

"That sounds okay," Pony lied.

"Good! In case Soda forgets, which I'm sure he will, come over at six-thirty."

"All right. I'll see you then."

"Get some more sleep, Pony. You look like you need it."

Two-Bit ruffled Pony's already messy hair and got up and left, not knowing that Pony was still seeing him as he had the night he shot himself.


	4. Memories Threaten to Take Over

**Darry's POV**

I walked inside our house, exhausted from a hard day's work. I noticed there was no smell of something cooking, so I knew I had to cook supper. Groaning, I lay down my tool belt. I wasn't looking forward to it.

"Hey, Darry!" Soda said loudly as he came out of his room. He was wearing one of his better pairs of jeans and a nice dress shirt.

"What's the occasion? You got a date?" I teased.

"No. You feel like going to the Mathews' house tonight for supper."

I grinned, relieved. "I sure would. Hey, where's Pony?"

"He's still getting dressed."

"Okay. I'll go take a quick shower and get dressed. What time are we supposed to be there?"

"Six-thirty."

"Perfect. I'll be done as quickly as possible!"

I headed into my room and took out one of my nicer outfits. It wasn't what you would call dressy, but it was enough to look presentable without trying too hard.

I took a quick shower, enjoying the cleanliness I felt when I got out. The tub was browned from the dirt and sweat and I had to rinse it off.

When I was done changing, I went out to check on Pony.

"Pony? You all right in there?" I asked as I knocked on his door.

"I-I'm fine, Darry."

"Are you dressed?"

"Yes."

I opened the door and saw Pony sitting on his bed. He was looking down at his hands in a nervous position. I wondered if something had happened or if something was wrong.

"You okay?"

Pony looked up at me and gave me a small smile. "I'm okay, Darry. Is it time to go?"

"In a little while."

"Okay. Tell me when it's time."

Pony lifted his leg on top of the bed and stretched out.

I closed the door and turned, nearly running into Soda.

"Is he okay?" I asked quietly.

"He was sick earlier. I made him stay home. He had a fever."

"Why didn't you call me?"

Soda made an annoyed face. "What would you have done? Come rushing home from work? Darry, all you had to do was give him a few pain killers and make him stay in bed. He's already better."

I sighed. "You're right. I just...I worry about him, you know?"

Sodapop smiled. "Yeah, I know. I do, too. He's fine, Darry. Honest."

"If you say so. You ready to go?"

"Yeah. You?"

"Yeah. Let's go."

I opened the door to Pony's room again.

"You ready?" I asked him.

"I'm ready." Pony sat up and reached for his crutches. Pushing himself up, he walked to the door. I followed him close behind. Soda was already in the truck, waiting.

When Pony got to the truck, I took his crutches for him. He gave me a smile of thanks and I walked to the back of the truck while he got in so I could place the crutches back.

Yeah, he was okay.

**Pony's POV**

I wish the drive to Two-Bit's house would last all night, that we'd never make it in time and we'd just keep driving. I wish that the miles would stretch farther and farther with each distance we cover. I wish I had pretended to be sick and Darry and Soda would go without me.

I wished a lot of things, but none of them were going to happen.

Darry pulled the truck into their driveway. I waited for Darry to bring me my crutches. Soda followed Darry outside the driver's side door. Darry came back around and handed me my crutches. I wanted to take my time and go slowly to the door, but Soda was already there and Darry was close behind. Taking a deep breath to prepare myself for what lay ahead, I walked forward. Darry looked behind him to see if I was coming. I gave a fake smile, reassuring him that I was okay and I was coming.

"Hello, boys! Supper's almost ready!" Mrs. Mathews called from the door.

"Sounds good, Mrs. Mathews!" Soda replied smiling like a goof.

"Get your buns in here." She waved us through the door.

"How you doing, Pony?"

"I'm okay, Mrs. Mathews."

"It's so good to see you up and walking again." She reached out and hugged me and I felt my cheeks burn.

"Thank you."

She stepped back and patted my arm.

"We're still waiting on Steve, but he should be here soon."

Two-Bit came walking out of his room and I forced a smile.

"Hey ya'll! How's it going?" he asked as he stepped forward and shook our hands.

"Pretty good," Darry answered.

"That's good. You feeling okay still, Pony?" He looked to me.

"Yeah."

"That's good. Mama's been cooking up a storm for us. I hope you brought your appetites."

"Always," Soda said with a sly grin.

"Well, that's good. I've got enough to feed an army," Mrs. Mathews said as she stepped into the kitchen.

"Two," Two-Bit added.

"I heard that!" she called from the kitchen. Two-Bit just grinned it off.

I could tell Two-Bit was better. Time had healed his wounds and I could see the real Two-Bit shining through. It made me feel good knowing he was happy again. Did he even realize that others were so affected by his near-death?

"Sit down, guys."

Two-Bit took the seat at the head of the table. I sat beside Soda with Darry sitting across from me.

"I made it!" Steve declared as he burst through the door.

"That you did. Pull up a seat, man." Two-Bit stood to greet him and waited for Steve to sit.

"Mama! The gang's all here!"

"Good! Come help me bring out the dishes!"

"Yes, Mama." Two-Bit whined, though he had a huge smile on his face.

Two-Bit and Mrs. Mathews returned from the kitchen with large dishes. One was filled with mashed potatoes smothered in gravy, another had baked beans, and the other had about six chicken's worth of fried chicken. It looked delicious.

"Everything looks delicious, ma'am," Darry drawled.

Mrs. Mathews smiled, patting his arm. "It's not often I get to feed so many. I like it."

"Well, we like it real well, too," Soda spoke over his growling stomach, making us laugh.

"Well, dig in everyone!" Mrs. Mathews sat down and we passed around the dishes, stopping to serve ourselves with large helpings.

Supper went well. I felt like I was part of the Mathew's family, that we all were. Last names didn't matter anymore. DNA didn't make any difference. We were a family for that night. A real family. One that I used to have but lost.

After supper, we all headed to the living room.

I stopped, paling, when I saw the dark stain on the carpet. All I could see were flashes of that night, seeing Two-Bit lying so still in his own blood. He had done that to himself. It made my stomach churn.

"Pony? Are you all right?" Darry asked, standing from the couch.

As fast as I was able, I left the house, running away from the memories that threatened to take over.


	5. Cared For

Everyone just looked at each other. No one spoke because no one knew what to say. They'd been having a wonderful evening together. What could have upset Pony in such a short time? It didn't make sense.

Breaking out of their shock, Darry and Sodapop stood up.

"If you'll excuse us, we'd better follow him. Thank you for a loverly meal, ma'am," Darry said, remembering the manners his parents had taught him.

"Oh, you're welcome. Now, scoot. Your brother need you."

"Thank you. See you guys."

"See you," Steve and Two-Bit replied, both still not understanding what had bothered Pony.

Once outside, Soda and Darry went to the sidewalk. They could faintly see the outline of their little brother heading toward their home.

"Should I get the truck?" Soda asked Darry.

"No. It's not that far. We need to focus on getting him right now."

"Okay." The two brothers chased after Pony, neither one knowing the horrors that flooded and haunted their little brother's mind.

Ponyboy wasn't going fast, but he was definitely putting some distance between him and Two-Bit. He hoped that would be enough to help keep away the horrifying memories. The stain flashed in his mind once more and he felt his breath catch. It didn't help that he was already crying.

"Pony!" Soda's voice called from behind him. Pony didn't bother turning around. He knew his brother would catch up to him soon enough with Darry right beside him.

Soon the three fell into a line as Darry and Soda caught up to Pony.

"Pony, what in the world happened back there?" Darry asked, still walking to keep up.

"Nothing. I don't want to talk about it." Pony tried to keep the quiver out of his voice as the emotions choked him.

"What is going on? first you work your ass off with physical therapy, then you get a cold this morning, and now this? Pony, what's going on? Come on, you promised to talk to us!"

"Please, Pony," Soda added his quieter plea.

"It's nothing. I'm fine."

"You're not fine. I'd like to know why the hell not."

Darry's voice was harsher and meaner than he meant it. He would regret it soon after.

Pony stopped suddenly. His brothers had to back up a step to fall back into the line. Darry found Pony's glaring eyes on him.

"'Why the hell not?' What? You think my life is perfect now? What do I have to worry about? I'm living the good life. Is that what you think? That's no where near what I'm thinking."

"Pony, I-" Darry began his apology, knowing his mistake, but Pony didn't want to hear it.

"Save it. My life's no better than when I started talking to you guys more 'openly.' What have you told me in return anyway? Do you confide in me when our bills need to be paid but we don't have the money to pay for them? No. I just have to assume that's why we don't have supper one night or why you turn the water and electricity off to 'conserve energy.' I'm not dumb. I know what's going on. If you don't trust me enough to confide in me, why should I confide in you?"

The three brothers just stood there, looking at each other. Pony glared at Soda and Darry, though he couldn't honestly say he was mad at either of them.

"Pony... this isn't what's got you upset, is it?" Soda asked softly. Pony softened the hard wall around him a bit, weakening his defenses.

"No...now, would you please walk ahead of me? I need... I need some time alone. Please."

"Okay," Darry consented, nodding to Soda so he would follow. The two walked in front of Pony, giving them all a few minutes of silent reflection.

Pony didn't know what was wrong with him. No matter how good his life got he was still unhappy. Of course his life would never truly be happy without his parents. He knew that if they were alive things would be much better. It was just one more thing that made him miss his parents so much.

Soda was right. It didn't bother him so much that his brothers never confided in him. He hadn't told them much more anyway. The three of them cared too much about each other and that made them want to protect one another to the point of lying. It wasn't right, but they didn't want to be a burden or make their brothers worry even more.

Pony couldn't shake the images of the night of Two-Bit's attempted suicide. He was surprised by an image of him on the floor bleeding and it made Pony slip off the sidewalk. His left crutch slipped through the gutter and Pony fell to the hard concrete. His brothers were too far away to notice.

With only a scrape on his elbow, Pony knew he'd be okay. He yanked at his crutch, still in the city gutter. He was surprised when it didn't move when all but the tip was out. Pony pulled with all his strength, moving the crutch in several directions to get it out. He fought with it until tears of frustration poured from his eyes.

Giving up, Pony looked toward his house. His brothers weren't far from it.

"Darry," he called in a small, scared voice.

Darry and Soda turned around. Seeing their brother on the ground, they ran to his side.

"Help... please." Pony was having a hard time trying to keep from sobbing. Tears spilled down his face. Soda sat down beside Pony on the sidewalk. Darry gave the crutch a good pull and it came out.

"You may want to clean this off when we get home," Darry suggested. Once he turned to his brother, he was scared to find his brother's face twist into a pout and he began to cry.

"What is it? What's the matter? Are you hurt?" Darry asked eagerly as he sat in front of his brother so they were face-to-face.

"I, I hate it. I hate my life. I hate it. I hate it so much," Pony cried, unable to stop the broken sobs that escaped his mouth.

"Oh, buddy. It's okay/" Darry grabbed his baby brother in a tight hug. He felt Pony shake violently in his arms as he grabbed onto fistfuls of of the back of Darry's shirt. Pony muffled his sobs against Darry's shoulder, though they could still be heard by the two worried brothers.

Soda couldn't sit back and watch his brothers. Pony was upset, more upset than he'd seen him in a long time. Something was wrong, very wrong. Soda reached around his two brothers and held on tight.

"I can't...I can't do this... I hate it... I hate it so... so much." Pony couldn't speak without stopping for a breath as he gasped for air. It was hard to speak when he was drowning in misery.

"It's okay. You're okay."

Pony shook his head no in response to Soda's comfort. He wasn't okay. He really thought he was for a while. But not now.

Darry looked over Pony's shoulder to Soda. He nodded toward Pony's crutches. Soda took the message and stood and picked them up. Darry scooped Pony's leg in his arms as he stood up. Pony still clung tightly to him, refusing to let go. He couldn't be alone. Not right now.

"Darry continued to carry Pony Pony as he and Soda walked home. He placed a hand behind Pony's head, cradling it against his shoulder. Darry felt Pony's heartache as his own, though he didn't know what caused so much pain in his little brother.

It didn't take long for the brothers to arrive home. Darry made a mental note to pick up his truck in the morning as he walked inside and headed to Soda and Pony's room.

Pony had yet to calm. His sobs were less frequent,b but the tears fell with the same speed as they landed on Darry's dress shirt.

Soda s at down on the bed and waited for Darry to do the same. Darry sank onto the bed, expecting Pony to let go. He didn't.

"Sh, sh. Pony... calm down." Darry fought to calm his baby brother. Pony released his hold on Darry's shirt, but still kept his hold around Darry.

"Sh," Darry continued to soothe as he began to rock back and forth. The motion reminded him of his mother and how she could comfort any pain. Darry wished he had the same power. But he was not a parent. He assumed that was something that came with the responsibility.

The rocking slowly worked. Pony's sobs turned into whimpers and soon he was too exhausted to keep crying. Darry gently laid Pony down on the bed. Pony curled into a ball, clutching an armful of the blankets in a hug.

"You'll be okay, little buddy. I promise." Darry leaned down and kissed the top of his little brother's head.

After giving Soda a "good luck" hug, Darry went to the kitchen. Soda climbed into bed and wrapped his arms around Pony. Pony turned to Soda, whimpering loudly as he buried his face in his brother's chest. Soda continued to hold onto his little brother until they both fell asleep, even then having an arm stretched out over Pony.

Darry spent a sleepless night in the kitchen, a cup of coffee his only company. He felt his world was falling apart, slipping out of his control. He hated not being able to protect his brothers. Seeing Pony so upset scared him. Pony had never been so upset when their parents were alive. Everything got worse once they died. Darry wondered if it was his fault their world was tearing at the seams.

He was startled when he heard Pony scream out after three o'clock in the morning. He was more surprised, though, because of whose name he had screamed.

Soda shot up in bed beside Pony, startled awake by the loud scream that sent his pulse racing. Pony was sitting up, staring ahead as though a movie theater screen was flashing images in front of him. His whole body was shaking, seeing something that scared him more than any imaginary monster from his childhood ever had.

Darry rushed into the room, seeing Pony staring ahead. Pony's eyes even darted back and forth, as though he did see something. Darry looked to the wall Pony stared at and back, then looked with confusion to Soda, who just shrugged unknowingly.

"Pony?" Darry questioned softly as he stepped into Pony's line of vision. As same as Darry moved into his sights, the images changed for pony. It was worse than before and he couldn't help but scream out in terror.

Darry jerked in surprise at Pony's scream, though he had noticed the change in his brother's facial expression. Fearing the worst, Darry got on the bed beside his baby brother. Soda was speaking in a low tone, trying to calm Pony like a spooked horse. And in a way, he was.

"Pony! Pony, look at me, buddy. Look at me!" Darry demanded as he took Pony's shoulders in his hands, whipping his brother around until they were face-to-face.

Pony whimpered loudly in fright before his eyes finally focused on his oldest brother. Darry's face softened as he saw his baby brother's eyes finally take him in.

"D-Darry?" Pony whispered hoarsely.

"Yeah. I'm here, little buddy." Darry smiled softly.

"I'm here, too." Soda grabbed one of Pony's hands. Pony turned to Soda and reached out to touch him, as though he didn't believe he was real.

Remembering what he'd just seen, the fright came back and he launched himself into Soda's arms, arms that wound themselves around him tightly automatically.

Pony muffled another scream against Soda's shoulder. He couldn't stop the fear from taking over as he shook uncontrollably until he wore himself out once more. He hoped he wouldn't be greeted with the same nightmare, or another one for that matter.

Soda looked at Darry after he laid Pony back down.

"Did he just scream for Two-Bit?"

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Darry decided the next morning that he'd talk to Two-Bit about Pony before he picked up his truck. He and Soda had come to the conclusion that something to do with Two-Bit was the reason for Pony's episode the night before. Though they didn't understand why, it made the most sense.

Two-Bit was sitting on his front porch steps when Darry walked up to the Mathew house. Two-Bit stood when he saw his friend approaching, hoping he was bringing good news about Pony.

"Hey, man. How's Pony doing?" Two-Bit jumped to the point.

"I don't know. Okay now, I guess...We need to talk."

"Sure." Two-Bit sat down and waited for his friend to sit, too, before asking the question on his mind.

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Pony. He, um, he had a pretty bad night last night and, well... Soda and I think it has something to do with you."

"Me? Why me?"

"Because... last night he had a nightmare, a bad one apparently. And when he woke up, he screamed... your name."

"What?" Two-Bit couldn't hide his surprise. What on earth would make Pony scream for him?

"I know. It surprised us, too. But it does explain why he got so worked up at your house."

"Wow." Two-Bit sighed. Why, though? What caused it?

"I was just wondering if you could come talk to him today. I mean, it's Saturday. He won't have much to do, and-"

"Okay."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Maybe I can get to the bottom of this."

"Thanks, man."

Darry patted Two-Bit on the back as he stood.

"You getting your truck?"

"Yeah, I gotta head to work. Stick around after you talk to Pony. I'd like to know what's going on."

"Okay. See you."

"See you!" Darry climbed into his truck and drove off.

Two-Bit left right after to go to the Curtis home. Soda was just leaving when he arrived.

"Hey, I thought you didn't work this early," Two-Bit said when he saw him.

"I got called in. One of the busboys didn't show up. Heaven forbid one of the rich kids wash a few dishes." They both laughed at the joke.

"So, uh, you're here for Pony?"

"Yeah."

"Good. Let me know what's up, okay?"

"I will. I'm sure you'll hear about it one way or the other."

"Okay. I'll see you later. Good luck!"

"See ya!"

Two-Bit took a deep breath, preparing himself for the conversation he was about to have with Pony.

"Hey, Pony." Two-Bit found Pony sitting on the couch in the living room doing nothing. He saw his young friend flinch, though he couldn't have been surprised.

"Hi." Pony's voice was quiet.

Two-Bit sat in Darry's arm chair and started off.

"Pony, I, um, I was wondering if there was something you need to talk to me about."

Pony's eyes held a moment of panic before he covered it.

"What about?"

"Last night."

"What's there to talk about?" He squirmed nervously in his chair.

"Why did you freak out at my house for no reason? Why did you have a nightmare and call for me, instead of one of your brothers?"

Pony sighed heavily and was quiet so long Two-Bit didn't think he'd actually give him an explanation.

Finally, Pony turned haunted green-gray eyes on his friend.

"It... it wasn't for no reason."

"Okay. Then why?"

Again a moment of silence ensued as Pony gathered the courage to tell the truth to his friend.

"The... the carpet...in your living room."

Two-Bit thought for a minute, confused, before he realized what his friend meant.

"Oh, Pony. I-I'm so sorry. I had no idea... You really care that much about me?"

Pony raised his voice. "Of course I care! You're practically my brother. Is it so awful that I worry about you and that I actually have nightmares about the night you shot yourself? Is it wrong that I never want to go to your house again until that stain from where you laid bleeding is gone? Is it?"

Pony cried, turning away from his friend in embarrassment. Two-Bit never felt so cared for. Even his mother wasn't so open to him. She had pulled through and so had he. He wanted that stain there. He thought of it as Molly's reminder to him to keep living. Who knew that it would affect Pony so much?

Two-Bit moved to his young friend, his "adopted" little brother. He wrapped an arm around Pony's shoulders until the younger boy looked up at him.

"It's okay. It's never going to happen again. I swear it to you."

Pony nodded and released the hold on his emotions as he broke into tears. Two-Bit enveloped his friend in a tight hug, feeling more cared for than he had in a long time.


	6. Long for Family

**Darry's POV**

Two-Bit and Pony were in the kitchen playing cards when I got home. It looked like they were playing war. Since Pony had a small smile on his face, I felt better already. Whatever had been bothering him must have been cleared up.

"Hey, Dar, what are the odds of Pony getting all four aces? Ridiculous." Two-Bit rolled his eyes, even though he snuck a wink in at me, telling me he didn't really care.

"I don't know. Who was the dealer?"

Two-Bit huffed. "Who do you think?"

Pony just sat quietly, waiting for Two-Bit to show his card. His smile broadened a little, though I could tell he was trying to keep from it.

I picked up the paper off the table they were playing at and went to the arm chair to read it. After Pony won the round of war, Two-Bit stood.

"Well, I think there was just some plain old cheatin' going on here. What do you think, Darry?"

I eased the newspaper below my eyes and looked at them. "Oh, I'd say Pony just got lucky today."

Pony grinned and stood with his crutches.

"I'll be in my room," he said, and I noticed a slump to his shoulders. I hoped he was still okay.

"Sure, run and leave, cheater!" Two-Bit called after him teasingly.

I folded up the paper and waited for Two-Bit to come over. He sat down on the couch and leaned forward.

"So? What was going on?" I asked.

Two-Bit shook his head in bewilderment. "It's the damndest thing. I-I didn't know he cared about me so much."

"What do you mean?"

He rubbed the back of his neck. "The night I shot myself. He-he was bothered by it. I guess it'd just built up over time, or maybe we just never noticed before. He said he'd had a nightmare - or maybe more than one - about it. He was so worked up over it. I guess the stain on the carpet pushed him over the limits. I just... I never knew Pony cared so much. Well, anyone really, except Molly and my mama."

Two-Bit shook his head again, still not believing it.

"Wow. So, when he called for you..."

"He'd woken himself up from a nightmare of the night I shot myself. I'm tellin' ya, I've always thought of you guys as my family, but this... this really makes me feel a part of one. Pony felt like my own little brother, you know?"

I smiled. "Yeah, I do."

After a long moment of silence, Two-Bit stood again. "Well, I'd better head home now. I gotta work tonight with Mama. Pass along the news to Soda; he asked about it, too."

"I will."

Two-Bit walked to the door.

"See ya, Darry."

"See you later."

He turned his head toward the hallway.

"Bye, Pony!" he screamed loudly. I covered my ears against the noise. When Two-Bit gave a last glance at me, he laughed and went out the door.

I stood and went to Pony's room. He was sitting on his bed with a pillow propped under his leg and one behind his back.

"Hey, kiddo. How you feelin'?"

"I'm okay. A little tired, but okay."

I sat down on the edge of his bed and smiled at him. I patted his knee affectionately.

"You know, I'm so proud of you, Pony."

He looked confused. "For what?"

"For everything. With all the work with physical therapy, school work, overcoming all this mess you've been going through... and, well, for whom you are as a person, too. You're one of a kind and I couldn't be prouder."

Pony dipped his head as a blush sank into his cheeks. I reached out and squeezed his hand.

"I probably don't say it enough. You're an extraordinary person, Pony, and I love you."

Still ducking his head, he whispered, "I love you, too."

This time I leaned in and hugged him. I felt him squeeze back. I rested my head atop his and squeezed tightly before letting go.

"Get some sleep if you're tired. I'll wake you up for supper."

"Okay." Pony yawned.

I smiled as I stood and walked to the door. Turning back for a last look, I saw Pony slump down and lie on his side and close his eyes.

I definitely needed to remind him more often.

**Johnny's POV**

Andy slept fitfully in the bunk above mine, annoying me to death. I couldn't sleep because of all the squeaking from his mattress' springs. From what I could tell, Andy couldn't sleep well either.

"Johnny? You awake?"

"Yes." I groaned. I didn't want to be, but I was.

"I can't sleep."

"Apparently."

I jumped when I saw his upper body in front of me as he swung down halfway over the top bunk.

"What did you do? I mean, to get in here."

"You don't want to know, kid."

"Why?"

"You just don't, okay?"

"Is it worse than killing someone?"

I growled and turned on my side, my back to him.

"Okay, okay! I won't ask anymore. Please, just talk to me."

I turned back over. "Fine." Once again, I began to miss my first roommate Tom.

"Does it ever go away?"

"What?"

"The guilt."

I closed my eyes. No, it didn't. I hadn't had much time to feel guilty over killing Bob before I got in here. Too many distractions had taken up my time. But in here, my punishment for killing him, I had a lot of time to think about it. Probably too much.

"No. It doesn't."

Andy nodded. "That's what I thought." I noticed tears in his eyes as he swung up on the top again.

What must it be like for him? I killed some one out of self-defense, a Soc who'd once beaten me to within an inch of my life. He'd given me the scar on my face, a scar I would always carry. But that was the only way I knew him. How must Andy feel, having killed his own brother? It wasn't self-defense. It was just an act of sibling rivalry. It wasn't meant to hurt anyone, not that much at least.

The top bunk began to shake a little.

"Andy? You okay?" I asked gently, softening toward the kid.

"I didn't mean to do it, Johnny. I-I'd take it back if I could. I miss him now. I miss him so much. I never meant to kill him. I swear!"

Andy was overcome by sobs for a moment before he continued. "You know how old he was? He was four. I'm his big brother! I was supposed to take care of him. I-I didn't even know how to swim, or I would have saved him. I even jumped in the pool, but, but I was too late. Too damn late."

It was the first time I heard him curse. It sounded foreign on his tongue. But the emotion was there and there was a call to use that word. I hadn't known how old his brother was.

"Mom and Dad saved me, but they couldn't save Willie. He was already d-d-dead."

I heard him heave as he took a few breaths. Once the guilt caught up with you, that's what happened. And you'd better not be alone when it did.

"Come down here," I said softly.

"Wh-what?"

"Come down here."

"O-okay."

I could still hear his heavy breathing as he made his way to the bottom. Once he made it to the floor, he came and stood in front of me.

"Come here." I patted the bed beside me as I turned on my side to make room for him.

He sank down on the bed. He couldn't talk because he was breathing so quickly and he choked on sobs. I wrapped an arm around him and he did what I thought he would. Give him an inch, he'd take a mile. He jumped into my arms and clung to me. Though I understood his predicament, it wasn't exactly comfortable for me. I still comforted him, though, as best I could. He deserved that much. It was hard. I knew how hard it was. And in times like this you could use an ally.

I wish I had mine back home, though.

**Dallas****' POV**

I lay stretched out across my back lazily on the thin cot. I wished for more cushioning as my back protested against the springs that poked into it.

"Hey, Dal... let's bust this joint," Tim said from across the hall. We both started laughing. Surprisingly enough, the two of us had never been in the same jail at the same time. It helped keep me sane having him to talk to.

"I think we could make it, when the sun goes down," Tim continued the joke.

"Yeah, I'll dig my way out with this shovel I have conveniently placed beneath my mattress."

"Oh, is that what that is? I was wondering why these springs are so damn hard."

I chuckled. "That would make a better excuse than 'we deserve it 'cause we're bad.'"

Our laughter was interrupted when one of the guards came down the hall to our cells.

"You boys better quiet down in here if you want to have your supper," the tall, fat man said with such a southern drawl, I had to smile.

"Or else we'll starve," I said sarcastically dramatic.

"Ow." Tim suddenly sat up and grabbed his hand and groaned with pain. I raised my eyebrows as I tilted myself upward, knowing something interesting was about to happen.

"Are you all right?" The guard asked, though he didn't sound like he could give a shit one way or the other.

"My...my hand. It's all cramped up. All but one of my fingers hurts so bad. You should look at it."  
Tim raised his hand as a grin broke out across his face. He showed the one finger to the guard who rolled his eyes and walked on. Once the door closed behind him, we broke into a fit of laughter.

I had to hold my stomach as I doubled over with laughter. It felt good to actually have something entertaining happen. I was really lucky to have Tim with me, even for a short time.

About as fast as the laughter came, it went away. My thoughts turned to the gang. When Tim told me about Pony, I definitely felt better for the kid, but a nagging guilt still bothered me. I could hardly believe I hadn't heard from Johnny in almost nine months. I'd spent long periods of time without seeing the gang, but this was much more than I'd ever gone through. I wondered how Johnny was doing. It couldn't be easy on him.

If I could be so babyish to say, I missed him especially. I had had an urgent need to protect him whenever I was with him. It had begun after the Socs had beaten him up so badly. It had reminded me of a friend from New York. Almost the same things had happened to him...only, he hadn't made it.

Some might say that was when I turned so hard. What the hell do I know about it, though? You can't survive on the streets as a sensitive, hopeful young boy who longed for a place to belong. If you were that way, you'd get killed. That's why when you were that way, you kill the sensitive you, bury it, and cover him up by becoming someone else. Eventually you'll forget the old you, when they wouldn't even matter any way.

"Hey, Winston! Where'd you go, man?" I heard Tim ask. Shaking myself out of the past, I sat up and looked at him.

"Geez, man. You went all loopy on me for a minute. If you were able to sneak some weed in or something, pass it on."  
I laughed, though the thought made me sick to my stomach. I'd grown too dependent on drugs. They made me weak. I wasn't allowed to be weak. There was no room for weakness in me.

"No, man. If I had any of that, I'd be stoned all the time," I joked half-heartedly. I didn't find it funny any more. I vowed never to do drugs again, to never become so dependent on something that it threatened my strength and reputation.

"Well, we'd better behave or we'll have to go to bed without our supper."

"What a shame that would be! I'd hate to miss out on the shit they usually force-feed us," Tim said with a laugh.

"Sh! No talking." I held a finger to my lips.

"Sh!" Tim mimicked my movement and gave me a grin before turning on his side on his cot.

No room for weakness. No room for fear. No room for sensitivity. All there needed to be was a cold, unfeeling hood who belonged to no one but the streets.

**Steve's POV**

The night at Two-Bit's house- before Pony's emotional episode at least- got me thinking a lot. I missed that family essence. I hadn't had much of a family, except when I was much younger. By the time I was eleven, though, my father had become an abusive alcoholic. Before then, I'd had a family. As much as I hate to admit it, I missed having a family. And it made me wonder if I could actually find one with my father.

My mother had tried to make my house as comfortable and "normal" as it could be. But the shattered remains of a drunken rage rant covered our floors. Mom had to clean them up come morning.

I stood in front of a mirror and looked at a scar behind my shoulder where I'd been cut by a shard of glass from a beer bottle my father had thrown toward my head. It had been the first time he'd physically hurt me. I had been eleven at the time. Before that night, I had tried to convince myself that my father was still as super hero, that he still could do anything.

The day after I'd begun smoking. Within a day I'd gone from a childish boy who still saw his father as a hero to a young man who couldn't understand why his father got drunk and hurt him and his mother. I'd decided that night that I would be the man of the house. I'd seen my mother cry for the first time that night and it had scared me. I never wanted to see her cry again after that night. I made a point of protecting her... and I had a few more scars to show for it.

Despite all that, I still had a feeling that things had changed. Maybe I was lying to myself. Maybe I just waned to believe Dad had changed. Maybe things wouldn't change at all.

But I still walked the length from Two-Bit's house to my old home. I still knocked on the door and was answered by father, who was sober.

"Well, I'm back," I stated grudgingly, though I actually felt a rush of excitement over returning home.

Dad smiled. I thought I saw moisture in his eyes, but I couldn't be sure.

He stepped forward and wrapped his arms around me in a hug. I stood stiffly in his embrace, though I couldn't deny I felt some joy for being held by my father. I noticed he didn't even smell like alcohol. Could he actually have been telling the truth?

"It's what your mother would have wanted. Now we can be a family again."

I had to pray it was the truth.


	7. YAY He's Free!

Steve wasn't prepared for the bombshell that was dropped on him when he fully entered his house. There, sitting on his couch, was a blonde woman. She looked to be around his father's age, in her early forties. She was nice enough looking for a woman her age. Steve just wondered what the hell she was doing in his house and was afraid of his suspicion.

"Steve, I'd like to introduce you to Elisabeth Manning, my fiancée," his father spoke with a hand extended toward Elisabeth.

Steve felt his stomach drop. He'd been right. Well, partially, anyway. He hadn't expected it to have gone so far.

"Your fiancée?" Steve said through gritted teeth.

Elisabeth stood and smiled at him. "Garth here has told me so much about you. I'm so sorry about your mom. I know I can't replace her, but I'd like to help fill her role."

Steve didn't w ant that. He couldn't have that. This woman was not his mother and never would be. He felt his stomach clench at the thought. This wasn't what he'd bargained for. Had his dad quit drinking because of her? And here he thought his father was starting to care about him again.

"Steven? Are you all right?" Garth asked worriedly.

Steve hadn't realized he'd been standing there, looking like an idiot. He brought himself away from his thoughts, returning to the present.

"Um, I-I need to go get my stuff, and, uh, I'll be out for a while."

"Well, I can help you get your things. Come on, I'll drive."

"No. I... I want to do this on my own. I don't know how long I'll be. Don't wait up."

He headed for the door.

"It was nice meeting you!" he heard Elisabeth call after him.

"You, too!" he said so sarcastically he wouldn't be surprised if they didn't believe him.

When Steve was out of view of his house, he doubled over and threw up. It had been trying enough by coming home. But her? He couldn't take that. It was bad enough his father hadn't told him, not that he would have come home if he'd known. Did his father know that? Maybe he knew him better than Steve thought.

He did go to get his things from Two-Bit's house, his last home. Two-Bit congratulated him when he said he was returning home. Steve didn't feel the need to be congratulated. He actually though it was worse now. He couldn't tell the gang about Elisabeth, not yet at least. He had barely processed it himself. Besides, they didn't need to know. Steve knew there were things that the gang didn't tell him. So what would this matter? Well, maybe he'd tell Soda. Then again, if he did that, he might as well tell the whole gang.

Steve usually wasn't one for drinking. He had seen too much of its bad side to want to drink to the point of intoxication. He usually found his relief in cigarettes. Tonight, though, he swiped a bottle of beer from Buck's. He knew one wouldn't affect him that badly, but it would be enough to help the pain and anger he was feeling.

Steve settled in at the park closest to his house. He sat on a bench, alternating between smoking a cigarette and drinking a beer as he let his thoughts and inner turmoil take over.

He couldn't forget the pain his father had caused his mother. She hadn't deserved that. Drinking had started out as a "peer pressure" thing. Most of the factory workers would go to a local bar and spend most of their earnings on alcohol. Dad hadn't liked it at first and would get something nonalcoholic. But one thing led to another and soon Dad would get as drunk as the rest of them, if not more so. It wouldn't have been so bad if he just got sick and crazy. But Dad got mean after drinking. Sickness came the morning after. During the night, though, he'd throw angry words at his wife and son, scaring the two. It started with verbal abuse, but gradually made its way toward physical. Often Steve wouldn't come home at nights; he'd crash at someone else's home. The nights he was home, his father usually told him to get out and never come back anyway. Steve only stayed for his mother. When she was gone, there wasn't much point in coming home at night.

Could he really believe his father had changed? Even in the short time he'd been with Elisabeth, Steve had noticed the ring on her finger. It had been his mother's. She had promised it to Steve for when he got married. He wouldn't bring it up to his father. As much as he disliked the woman already, he would not deny her the only ring his father could probably afford. It would be easier to claim it as his own. Maybe it would upset Elisabeth enough to make her leave.

Even though his father had inflicted so much pain and anger upon him, Steve didn't wish any suffering on his father. Sure, he deserved it, but he didn't want to go through a "what goes around comes around" chain. If he didn't continue it, it wouldn't have to come back to him.

Steve went back home after four cigarettes and he'd emptied the bottle of beer. He felt more in control of his emotions. He went into his room, relieved to see his father wasn't up waiting on him. The clock read 12:15, so he wasn't too surprised his father had gone to bed.

In his room, he found a piece of paper above his be d frame with "welcome home" written on it. Judging by the hand writing, it was written by a woman. And if that was the case, Elisabeth must have written it. Steve didn't want to warm to her, so he grabbed the piece of paper off the wall and tore it in several pieces. It seemed his life had been torn to pieces as well.

Steve stretched out across his bed and felt the frustration leave only once he fell asleep.

* * *

Tim's departure told Dallas he had two weeks left to his imprisonment. He couldn't wait be out. Johnny would be out two weeks after him. It would be so good to see him. 

Dallas hated to see Tim go, though it gave him a better sense of time. Unfortunately, he didn't have a piece of chalk to count down the days he'd been in jail on the wall. It would be boring without his friend there.

Lucky for him, the two weeks passed quickly. He was relieved to be out. He stumbled a little out of the jail, unprepared for the bright light of the sun. It felt good to be out.

The first place he went was the DX. Being a Thursday afternoon, he knew Steve and Soda would be there.

"Hey scumbags! I need to get my car fixed!" Dallas shouted when he saw his friends hunched over a car. Both their heads went up, anger in their eyes. Upon seeing Dallas, though, they both smiled.

" Dallas!" Soda came around the car and tackled him in a brotherly hug. Steve also came around the car and gave Dallas a handshake and a pat on the back.

"It's good to see you, man," Steve said with a grin.

"Good to see you guys, too. Man, it's good to be out."

"How long have you been out?"

"What time is it?" Steve looked at his watch, a piece offering from his father. "About 1:30."

"So I've been out less than a half an hour."

"Is this your first stop?" Soda wondered, figuring it was considering the short time.

"Yeah."

"Well, don't we feel honored," Soda teased with a light punch to Dally's arm.

"So what have I missed? Eight months is a long time."

"Yeah, no kidding. You heard about Pony lately?"

"Tim was jailed a few weeks ago and said he'd seen him walking. How's he doing?" Dallas felt his chest tighten at the thought of Pony not being okay.

"He's okay. It gets hard for him, you know."

"No, I don't." He didn't think anyone did except for Pony. He turned to Steve. "What's new with you?"

"I got beat up by my old man, he sobered up, offered me the chance to come home again, and now I'm living with him again." Steve made a point to leave out Elisabeth. He had decided not to tell anyone.

"Good for you." Dallas didn't really think it was that good. He knew what Steve's dad was like. He didn't trust that he'd sobered up. That was just what they said during their dry periods. It wouldn't last, but Dallas wouldn't crush any hopes Steve had about his father.

"I'm going to head over to see Two-Bit. I was thinking about picking Pony up from school. You think that'd be okay?"

"Sure. I'm sure he'll appreciate the surprise. Come over some time for supper; tonight if you can."

"We'll see. It was good seeing ya'll."

"Yeah, you, too."

Dallas walked the short distance to Two-Bit's house. He wondered what was new in his friend's life. It seemed so long since he'd last seen him.

Two-Bit was sitting on his front porch when Dallas came toward him. He looked up and was surprised to see his friend coming to him. It had been such a long time.

"Well, I'll be a son of a gun. Dallas Winston," Two-Bit said as he stood when Dallas came to him.

"Hey Two-Bit."

"Come here, man." Two-Bit half hugged his friend as he brought Dallas over to sit on the porch with him.

"When did you get out?"

"Not long ago, just this afternoon. I went to see Soda and Steve then came here to see you."

"I'm second best, huh?" He grinned teasingly at Dallas.

"So what's new with you man? It's been so long. I've probably missed out on a life time."

"Yeah, pretty much."

Two-Bit proceeded to tell Dallas how he'd dropped out of school. He told him about Molly and his near suicide.

"Gosh, I'm sorry, man," Dallas clapped a hand on Two-Bit's shoulder.

"Yeah, well, these things happen. I swear, these past eight months or so seemed like a life time. It's amazing how much has happened."

"And now? Are you happy?"

"I am actually, if you can believe that. I didn't expect it, but thing have been going well. I'm working as a bus boy with my mama and I make good pay. We usually split the tips."

"That's good, man. I'm happy for you."

"Thanks."

"Two-Bit! Who you got out there?" Katherine Mathews called from inside the house before she stepped outside to see for herself. Seeing Dallas, she broke into a grin.

"Well, look who the cat dragged in. Dallas Winston! How are you, boy?"

Dallas stood upon her appearance. "I'm okay, ma'am."

Katherine swallowed Dallas in a hug after planting a firm kiss on his cheek.

"Oh, it's good to see you! How've you been?" she asked once she let go.

"Okay. I, um, I heard about Molly. I'm awfully sorry, ma'am."

"Well, I am, too. It's all in the past now, though. We just have to move forward."

"Yeah, I suppose we do." That's what he planned on doing. He wasn't going to go back. He couldn't go back to the way he'd been.

"I should probably go now. I still need to see Pony," Dallas said as he stepped off the porch.

"Well, don't you be a stranger. You're always welcome here."

"Thank you, ma'am. I'll see you later, Two-Bit."

"All right. See you, man."

"Bye."

Dallas headed for the school. He waited on the corner where Pony would have to turn to walk home. He wondered what he'd find when he saw Pony. Would he be okay? Would he be hurt? Would he still want to see him after what he'd done, for being responsible for his injury? How could Pony forgive him? Dallas should have just stopped him. It would have been that simple. If not, he could have gone in there after him and pulled him out, let those damn kids die.

It was obvious when school was let out. A wave of kids came out of the school. Dallas searched the swarms for Pony. It wasn't hard to spot him, considering he was the only one with crutches.

Pony was walking with his head down. He tried to keep from making eye contact with any of the other kids, as though shy. He didn't like seeing their pitying eyes. He couldn't stand how they gawked as though he was part of a freak show. It wasn't fair that he should be stared at just because of the empty part of his pant leg.

Dallas watched Pony as he quietly made his way closer. He thought the kid looked sad, and that made him upset. He didn't want Pony to be upset, but I guess that could be expected. Pony finally lifted his eyes briefly and caught a glance at Dallas. He had to look back to see if his eyes were showing him right.

Dallas just grinned at Pony's surprised face, watching the kid's mouth hang open. Pony just stood there, surprised.

"I ain't coming to you. You're gonna have to come to me." Dallas wanted to see Pony make it to him, though he knew he could since he'd seen him walking already.

" Dallas?" Pony asked in confusion.

"In the flesh."

Pony smiled and walked toward Dallas, picking up the pace. When he was inches away from Dallas, he dropped his crutches and hopped to Dallas on his foot and hugged his friend tightly.

Not usually one for hugs or any signs of affection, Dallas was taken back by Pony's hug. Knowing he'd missed the kid and hoping this was a sign that he held no grudge over him, he hugged Pony back.

"How long have you been out?" Pony asked as he stepped back and knelt to pick up his crutches, not wanting help.

"About an hour."

"It's so good to see you."

"Thanks. It's good to see you, too, kid."

The two walked to the Curtis home and both had the same thing on their mind.

It would be so much better if there was only one more present.


	8. Not Yet the Reunion

**Johnny's POV**

Though I was full of excitement at the idea I'd be going home tomorrow, I still felt so much fear. I had yet to meet my foster parents, and wouldn't until I returned home. They, along with the gang, planned to meet me at the high school Pony now goes, and I had once gone. I hoped my foster family would allow me time with my real family.

I felt sick to my stomach every time I thought about meeting me foster parents. What would they be like? With the luck I'd had in the past, I did not dare to hope for a loving family, only to have those hopes torn away. I could not endure that hardship. I learned that the lower my expectations were the better things seemed to be.

I worried about Andy. I'd grown closer to the kid, and I feared he'd have trouble adapting to a new roommate. Since I knew I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight due to nerves, I chose to tell Andy about what I'd done and why to get in here. He usually didn't sleep well at nights any way. I'm a night owl, too.

Andy was on the top bunk squirming around when I finally got the nerve to tell him.

"Hey, Andy?"

"Yeah, John?"

"Come down here. I want to talk to you."

Slowly, but eagerly, Andy came down and sat on the bed beside me.

"I, um, I wanted to tell you a little bit about myself before I leave tomorrow."

Though there was some excitement in Andy's eyes at the idea of hearing about my life, it was obvious that he didn't like the fact that I am leaving tomorrow.

"Are you going to tell me what you did?" he asked timidly.

"Yeah, kid. I am."

Andy moved back along the bed until his back was against the wall. He was getting comfy for the story.

"I... I killed someone, too."

Andy's eyes got big after just one statement.

"You-"

"Yes. Now, just listen."

I continued to tell Andy about my experiences in Tulsa and how I killed Bob and why. I explained how he'd given me the scar on my face and I even told him about Pony and what happened to him.

"Gosh, that's awful," he remarked after I told him how most of Pony's left leg was cut off.

"Yeah, well, he's doing better now. He can walk, too."

"Really? That's cool."

I smiled. "Yes it is."

"Do you miss him?"

I nodded sadly. "I've missed all my friends. I missed them all a lot." I was surprised when tears came to my eyes.

"It's okay, John. I miss my parents, too."

Andy had noticed the tears and in a comforting gesture, patted my arm.

"Thanks."

"I can't believe that you killed someone, too. So when you said the guilt never goes away... you were speaking from experience, weren't you?"

"Sadly, yes."

"Why do you feel guilty? I mean, it was either that or your friend would be killed."

I wished it was that simple. "Bob was no more than 18 and I killed him. I could have done something different, just cut him or something, not stab him."

"But at the time you had to act fast. Anything else would have taken too long. You saved Pony's life. You're a hero."

I smiled at Andy's portrayal of me. I never saw myself that way, though I suppose it was true that I saved Pony's life. It did ease some of the guilt, however so small.

"Thanks , Andy. That made me feel better."

He grinned crazily. "Good."

I took a deep breath and swallowed hard. This was the part that was going to be hard for me. The part I knew I must do, though I didn't want to.

I leaned down and reached under my bed and pulled out my most valuable possession... and I was about to give it away.

"I... I have a gift for you. It might not seem real important now, but I think you'll appreciate it more when you get older."

"What is it?"

"It's a book, well kind of a diary. I'd like to tell you about my friend Tom."

"Who's he?"

"He was my first roommate here. I-I never want to forget him, but I already think that's impossible. So, now I want to spread his story so more people will remember him. When you get older, maybe after you understand him better as well, you can pass his story onto someone else, too."

"What makes his story so special? I mean, like my mom always tells me, everybody has a story. Sometimes it's hard to understand someone until you know theirs. Like people we think are mean. W ell, lots of times they don't seem so bad once you know what they've been through. Is it like that?"

"Yeah, Andy. It's a lot like that."

After spending the night talking about Tom, the two of us got a few hours of sleep. I finally told Andy to go back to bed when he began to doze off. He tried to deny being tired. It nearly killed me when he said, "I'm afraid to fall asleep 'cause when I wake up you'll have to leave." Though I wanted to leave so badly, I felt guilty for leaving Andy. Thinking about it left a lump in my throat.

When I woke in the morning, I felt my pulse rise with excitement. I couldn't believe I'd be going home in a few hours. It seemed like a dream, though the past nine months I thought I was in a nightmare.

I came out of the bathroom dressed and showered. I had considered slipping out, hoping Andy would sleep through my departure. I didn't want to face leaving him, but I knew if I did that I would upset him more. I was surprised to find him wide awake sitting on my bed with his head down. I looked at the clock on the wall, one I had stared out many times over the nine months as I tried to will time to move faster. I'd be leaving in less than an hour. I was already packed, so now I just had to wait.

"Hey, bud. You're up early."

Andy nodded. "I-I didn't want to miss you leaving."

"Oh. Okay."

I moved to the bed to sit by him.

"You okay?" The one question was enough to start a flood of tears.

"I don't want you to go," he cried before he lunged into my arms, knocking me off balance. Awkwardly, I returned his tight embrace, trying to soothe his cries.

"Wh-what if my new roommate doesn't like or is mean to me? What if he never talks to me? What if he hates kids m y age? What if he won't like me because I killed my brother? What'll I do?"

Andy sobbed harder into my clean shirt. I 'd have to change before I left, but for now, I was happy to just lend some support. I had had similar fears after Tom.

"What about us? I'll probably never see you again! I don't want that to happen. You've been so nice to me! I can't forget that. I don't want to. Please, Johnny, don't go."

"Sh, sh. You'll be all right. I promise. Take it easy, man."

When Andy had contained his tears well enough that he could pay attention, I began my "speech."

"You are going to be just fine, you hear me? You're 12 years old. You have your whole life ahead of you. Don't let it end because of one tragic mistake. Embrace it, learn from it, be better for it. You won't make that mistake again, I'm sure of it. You already are already sorry for it, and though the guilt won't go away, you still have to forgive yourself."

I wasn't really one to talk, though. He needed to hear it, though. I didn't expect him to forgive himself right away anyway.

"I don't want you to feel the world is judging you because of what you did, _by accident._ You're young and harmless. You didn't mean for that to happen and anyone who gets to know you well enough will see that. You're smart. You'll make it through this just fine, even if you don't think so now. It'll be fine. I promise you that."

"How do you know?"

"Trust me. You're a survivor. You didn't drown that day in the pool. You made it, and you'll keep on making it."

Andy sniffled. "Thanks."

What Andy didn't know was that I'd pretty much written that word-for-word in Tom's journal. It was on a torn out piece of paper. I hoped he'd keep it.

The knock on the door sounded and my heart thudded in my chest. The door opened and Mrs. Greenly, who would be taking me to meet my foster family, walked in.

"It's time to go, Johnny."

I looked at Andy whose eyes held panic. I stood and looked at him, not knowing what to say.

"Well, I... I guess this is it then."

"No!" Andy stood and rushed at me, grabbing me around the waist in a death grip. He began to sob into my shirt once more.

"Please. Don't go! Please."

I will not cry. I will not cry. I will _not_ cry. Oh, hell.

I felt the moisture in my eyes as Andy's sobs increased. Mrs. Greenly looked worriedly between us.

When I knew it was now or never, I gently pushed Andy off me. I stooped down on my knees and looked up into his eyes as I spoke.

"You're going to be all right. I promise you, I'll write as soon as I get to my new house. You can write me whenever you want. There's still some paper in the drawers and whenever you need more, just ask and they'll get it for you. You're going to have to be tough now, okay? Can you do that for me?"

"I want you to stay."

"I know you do, but it's my turn to go. You'll get to meet someone new, it'll be a new adventure. And just think, maybe you'll get to learn someone else's story." I couldn't say the last part without letting a few tears spill, though I had a smile on my face.

"I'm not going to leave until I know you're okay, and you know how much I want to see my friends again."

Andy nodded as he shifted his gaze elsewhere. He took a few deep breaths and turned back to me.

"I'm okay," he choked out.

I smiled. "I know you are."

I stood back up and he looked at me shyly.

"I'm going to miss you, John."

"I know. I'm going to miss you, too, kid."

I grabbed him this time in a tight hug, partially so he wouldn't see me crying as well. When I could tell his tears had stopped, I pushed back.

"Yeah, you're tough enough. You be good, okay?" I smiled, my tears only shining in my eyes now.

"I will," he said hoarsely.

With one last squeeze to the shoulder, I picked up my suitcase and walked out the door.

"See ya, bud."

"Bye, John!" I saw the tears again in his eyes so I moved on quickly.

When we go to Mrs. Greenly's van, I moved to the back seat.

"I, um, I'm still a little tired. I think I'll just lay back here and sleep for a while.

"That's fine."

After we began moving, I opened up my suitcase to take out my jacket to use as a blanket I wasn't prepared to find a folded up piece of paper, and not one of Pony's letters.

I unfolded it and read the simple words, "I'll never forget you.-Andy."

I turned my head to the side as a dam of tears of emotions burst and I began to cry for the friend I'd left behind.

**Dallas' POV**

Pony scared me. Johnny scared me.

And nothing was supposed to scare Dallas Winston.

I hated seeing the kid with only half a leg. It made me remember too vividly all the things I could have done to prevent it. If only I had done something! It made it hard to stay with him, hard to look at him. I couldn't stand seeing him hurt or unhappy, knowing I was the cause of it all.

Johnny should never have gotten into the mess he had. I shouldn't have let my pride get hurt that night when he told me to back down against those girls. I should have stayed with them, then those Socs would have known to never come bother them. And if they had, I would have been there and I would have protected them. I would have made sure Pony got home in time, then Darry wouldn't have hit him. Then Pony wouldn't have gone with Johnny to that park and Johnny wouldn't have killed Bob.

I should have been there. I should have been the one to kill Bob. It was my unwritten responsibility to protect them both and I had failed. It never should have happened. If I had just stopped it, done something, it would all be different.

Johnny wouldn't have been in juvie. Pony would never have gotten burned in the church and never would have had to lose his leg. Johnny wouldn't be going to some damn foster family, who probably doesn't give a shit about him. It wouldn't be any improvement from his biological family. I'd never call them his real family. That's not what real families do. I learned that from the Curtises.

Some family member I was. I couldn't even do a damn thing to protect the youngest of the group. They weren't as hard as the rest of us. They still held that childhood innocence that blinded them from how hard life is and how hard you have to be to survive. In Pony's eyes I could see a spark of hardness and that scared me. Pony wasn't hard. He wasn't mean. But around here, you didn't have to be, not if you don't want to. He was one who should become someone better than the rest of us. He doesn't need to go through this so young. He's still only fourteen. Hell, by that time I was an adult. A hard, unfeeling, hateful man.

The idea that Johnny was coming home today left me cold. I wanted to see him, but I was afraid to see how he'd become. If Pony was already turning hard, Johnny is probably too far gone for us to save. It'll change him. He'll never be the same old Johnny if that's the case.

I always wanted the two to get tough like me, so they don't get hurt. But that was the only reason, and it wasn't a very good one. It would change who they are. They were fine as they were. I should have left them alone. The times I told them to get hard must have set in somewhere and now they feel the need to be tough. It will be too different now. I didn't want them to be that way. It would change them too drastically, to the point that we can hardly recognize them. That was something I didn't want to deal with, something else I would have to blame myself for.

How much blame did one man have to put on himself? It seemed like I could find a million things I'd caused in their lives. And yet, Pony seemed oblivious to all of them. I didn't know about Johnny. What if he knew the truth? What if he had needed someone to blame to get through the pain and he found that the person to blame was me? What would he think? What would he say?

I almost didn't want to know. All the same, I walked to the high school and waited on him to come, deciding to stay in the background unseen until I knew it was safe to come out.

**Pony's POV**

I really couldn't contain my fears and excitement that Johnny would be coming home today. It was scary. Had he changed and I just hadn't noticed? Was he the same? Was he better? Worse? Was he mad or scared? What would happen? Would we even recognize each other because we'd changed so much? I hoped not. We've been so close. I couldn't imagine otherwise.

The biggest fear I felt was what his foster parents would be like. I was afraid they'd be mean to him. He'd had too much of that in his life time. He didn't need any more pain. He always wanted a good family, but never had one, except for the gang. If they were mean, I would name him the most unlucky person I know. He deserves so much better than that. I could only hope he got a family he was worthy of, and that would be a nice one.

I was sick with nerves when I woke up that morning. I couldn't eat from the butterflies in my stomach. Soda and Darry looked anxious, but I knew I was the most excited out of everyone else. He had been so close to me. I can't understand how anyone could be more excited than I am now anyway.

Johnny is my best friend. Though for the past nine months we've been away, and for a while I used Rose to help me get through the rough patches, I knew our friendship couldn't die, or at least I hoped it couldn't. Johnny had sounded the same in all his letters, though it was obvious he had some really hard times like me. It was understandable. If I was this nervous for him now, I wonder what he's like?

Dallas had stopped by a few times after he got out of jail. He hadn't for a few days now and I wondered why. I hoped it wasn't because he was back in jail already. He never really wanted to talk about Johnny, or things that had been happening with me that pertained to my leg, which didn't leave much to talk about. I think it scared him, or maybe he was like all the other people and saw me as a freak because of it. I hoped that wasn't the case. I didn't think I could handle it if that was why he stayed away.

"Are you okay, kiddo?" Darry asked when I remained silent through breakfast.

"Huh?"

"I asked if you're okay. You seem really tense. You're kinda pale, too. Do you feel all right?" He reached over and laid a hand on my forehead.

"I'm fine, Darry. I'm just nervous."

Soda smiled at me from across the room. "I bet. It'll be so good to see Johnny finally. It's been forever."

Forever was right. I felt like I'd aged ten years in nine months. So many things had happened. So many things had changed. What would it be like for Johnny? Had it seemed that long? Had he gone through so many changes, aged so many years? It didn't seem like it'd been less than a year ago since I'd run away from home with Johnny to escape the police. It couldn't be that short amount of time. So many things had changed, yet some were still the same. Would the two still equal out to the point that we could start over as if no time had passed since I last saw Johnny?

I spent the morning in the bathroom after Darry and Soda were ready. I nearly threw up at one point and actually succeeded in doing so another. Darry watched me with concern and kept knocking on the door every once in a while to see how I was doing. I didn't mean to worry him and Soda, but I was sick to my stomach because of nerves. I wasn't sick.

The last knock came about the time I expected it. I heard Darry say on the other side, "It's time to go." So, I got up, and left.

It was time.


	9. Trade The Lows for The Highs You Deserve

"Why isn't he here yet?" Two-Bit asked impatiently. It was as though it was a game. Every few minutes someone would ask about Johnny and why he wasn't there yet. The five men had been waiting for a half an hour, of course being a half an hour early for their friend's arrival. They weren't sure of Dallas' whereabouts and it seemed strange to them that Johnny's foster parents had not arrived yet.

"He'll be here, just be patient," Darry advised.

Ponyboy leaned against a break wall that surrounded the school. He was apart from the group, needing time alone. He couldn't slow his racing pulse. His mind spun with thoughts until he felt dizzy. He stumbled forward and dropped one of his crutches.

"You okay?" Soda asked as he bent down and picked up his brother's crutch. Pony took it back with a shaking hand.

"Thank you. I'm okay."

"You sure? Your hands are shaking."

"I'm just nervous."

Soda smiled encouragingly at his little brother. "It'll be okay."

Darry walked up to his younger brothers. "Everything okay over here?"

"We're fine. Do you think they'll be here soon?" Soda asked.

"I-" Darry was cut off when Two-Bit yelled, "They're here!"

The three Curtis brothers turned and saw the blue van turn into the school parking lot.

"Come on. Let's go." Darry started walking quickly toward the van, eager to see his friend.

"You coming?" Soda asked after he started walking and noticed Pony wasn't following.

"In a minute."

"Okay." Soda jogged to the van when he saw the side door begin to open. Johnny couldn't hold back the smile on his face when he saw the group waiting for him. First he saw Two-Bit and Steve. Then he saw Darry and Soda, and what must have been Pony. He couldn't tell because the other two were blocking his view. He couldn't help but wonder where the sixth member was.

He would have gotten out sooner, but he was good and waited for Mrs. Greenly to park the car before he jumped out. His feet had barely touched the ground when he was tackled in a hug by Two-Bit.

"Johnny Cade!"

He was passed around like a rag doll between the older members of the gang. He gave hugs and greetings back, all the while wondering why he hadn't seen Pony or Dallas.

When he'd seen those five of his friends, a hush seemed to fall and his friends parted like the Red Sea. Farther away stood Pony. Johnny could see his friend was crying. At seeing Pony, Johnny felt like crying himself. The two stood there and just looked at each other.

"I'm not gonna come to you," Johnny finally said, choked.

Pony smiled slightly and walked for his friend. Johnny smiled proudly at Pony. He wouldn't make it easier on him. He wouldn't walk toward him. Pony could do it on his own just fine.

Though the obvious emptiness of Pony's lower left pant leg was upsetting to see for the first time, Johnny knew it was a part of who his friend was. Even if he got a prosthesis leg, it would still be a part of Pony. Nothing could change that. Nothing could change the way it'd changed him.

When Pony got to his friend, the two embraced, both choked on tears they fought to hold back. Pony clung to his friend, knowing he'd be taken away from him all too soon. He dreaded the arrival of Johnny's foster parents. He was relieved that they were late.

Johnny pushed back from his friend and smiled at him. "Hey."

Pony laughed. "Hey."

Two-Bit rolled his eyes. "There you two go with your 'interesting' conversations. Come on! You haven't seen each other in nine months. Don't you have something to talk about?"

The group of boys laughed and began to pass hugs around once more. Breaking from the group, Johnny glanced a familiar figure at the corner of the school building.

Dallas had stayed back away from the gang. He was afraid to come out before he knew Johnny wasn't mad at him. He watched the group, his friends, as they celebrated the arrival of their friend. He was surprised when he found Johnny's gaze on him. His friend stepped closer, still watching him. Dallas waited for some sign that Johnny wasn't mad at him, that he didn't blame him. He found that sign when his friend smiled at him. Taking a deep breath, Dallas walked toward his friend. Johnny met him in the middle.

"Hey, Dal."

"Hey, Johnny."

Johnny stared up at his friend, his hero. It had been a long time. Feeling the emotion of the moment, Johnny hugged his friend.

Dallas smiled at Johnny. It had been too long. Knowing he couldn't break in front of his friends, he fought back the emotion he felt. Most of all, he felt relief.

"It's good to see you, Dal." Johnny patted Dallas' arm.

"It's good to see you, too, kid."

Everyone turned their heads when a brown station wagon pulled into the parking lot. Mrs. Greenly walked toward it but the gang held back. Dallas glared as the couple stepped out of the car.

"Sorry we're late! We got stuck behind a tractor a ways back," the woman said.

"That's fine. I'm glad you made it," Mrs. Greenly said kindly to the couple.

"So where's Johnny?" The man looked through all the boys present.

"He's over here," Mrs. Greenly pointed Johnny out.

Johnny took a few tentative steps away from Dallas toward the couple as the came smiling toward him.

"Hi, Johnny. I'm Michael Baker. This is my wife April."

"Hi."

"Would you like to introduce us to your friends?" April asked.

Darry, ever mindful of his manners, stepped forward. "I'm Darrel Curtis. That's my younger brother Sodapop and my youngest brother Ponyboy." Darry pointed them out as he shook Michael's hand.

"Nice to meet you Darrel, Sodapop, Ponyboy," Michael replied.

"Hi," Pony said quietly.

"Hello," Soda put in.

"How do you do? You have such lovely names."

Pony smiled in spite of himself at April's comment. He didn't want to like them. They were the enemy... but they seemed so nice.

"I'm Two-Bit Mathews," Two-Bit introduced himself with a stern voice.

"I'm Steve Randle," Steve said with equal intolerance.

"And who might you be, son?" Michael asked Dallas.

"Dallas Winston," Dallas hissed. April smiled nervously at him.

"Well, it was so nice to meet you all. I hope you will come visit us some time. Our house isn't too far from here."

Pony felt a glimmer of hope. April was inviting them to come over. Maybe he wouldn't lose his friend after all.

"We'd better get going. Mrs. Greenly, is everything settled?" Michael asked.

"Of course. I just had to make sure he got to you safely."

Michael smiled. "We can take it from here."

"All right then. Goodbye, Johnny. I hope you like your new home."

"Bye," Johnny said quietly before Mrs. Greenly left.

"Are you ready to go?" April asked Johnny, looking around for his bag.

"I guess." Johnny walked to where Mrs. Greenly had parked and picked up his bag from the ground.

"Well, let's go then. It was nice meeting you all." Michael headed for their car.

Johnny turned sad eyes on his friends. "Bye, guys."

"Bye, Johnny," each muttered their goodbye.

Johnny gave the gang a weak smile before getting in the Bakers' car. The gang stood there and watched them drive away.

"They seemed nice," Darry said lightly to break the silence.

"Yeah, 'seem' is the key word there," Steve said bitterly, not believing for a second that that family was as nice as they seemed.

"Yeah, I don't trust 'em either," Two-Bit put in.

"Come on, guys. Let's hope for the best for Johnny. He deserves that." Darry fought to remain optimistic.

"But when the hell has what we deserved mattered?" Dallas asked before walking away from the gang.

It was true. None of the gang had deserved the troubled they'd gotten. It had never mattered before. But was it possible that one of them could catch a lucky break?

* * *

Johnny clutched his hands together in the back seat to keep them from shaking. He felt terrified of these people, though they had shown no sign of being mean. 

"You'll love our house. You'll have your own room and bathroom, too. They told us you didn't have much, so Mike and I went out and bought you a few things. I hope you like them. If you don't, just let us know and we'll return them," April said as she turned around in the passenger seat to look at Johnny while she talked. Johnny nodded in agreement. He'd barely spoken a full sentence to them yet, usually just replying with yes or no.

"You don't talk much, do you?" Mike asked with a grin as he looked at Johnny through the rearview mirror.

Johnny gave a small smile as he shook his head.

April smiled at him. "That's all right. You're probably scared out of your mind right now." She patted his knee. "But don't you worry. We don't bite."

Johnny felt some relief. They didn't seem mean at all. But he waited for the catch, the sign that showed their true selves. What made them mean? Did they drink? Do drugs? Fight? Hit? Johnny feared what they did. Ignorance isn't always bliss; it's waiting anxiously in fear, not knowing what to expect, only knowing it's something horrible.

"We're here," Mike surprised him by announcing.

Johnny looked out the window at a simple one-story house. It was painted a faint color blue with white shudders. It looked well kept, so he assumed the wreckage was on the inside.

"Come on in," April took him by the arm as Mike got his bag.

Johnny was surprised to find the inside neatly cleaned. There was no glass scattered on the floor, no stench of alcohol in the air. The chairs were all turned upright. So where was the catch?

"Do you like it?" April asked with a squeeze to his arm. Johnny couldn't believe it could be true.

"Come on. Let's go see your bed room!" April led the way down the hall away from the kitchen and living room areas.

Johnny stopped in his tracks when he arrived at his room. It was twice the size of his small room at his old home. The bare walls were painted a greenish-gray color. A large king size bed stood in the middle of the room, neatly made with a dark blue comforter. Johnny noticed the view of the backyard from his room. Along the wall he found what April had meant about what they had bought him. There was a football, a few books, and a nice winter coat and boots.

"I got the shoe size from one of the ladies at the juvenile detention center. I hope you like them and they fit okay."

Johnny couldn't speak. He didn't know what to say. What charity drove these people? Was it possible that he was so lucky to have this all for himself?

Michael walked in with Johnny's bag. "You can put your stuff in the dresser over there or in the closet, wherever you prefer. What do you think? Is it okay?"

Johnny licked his lips. "Thank you."

April grinned widely at him. "You're more than welcome. We've heard about what all that you've been through. You deserve something good for once."

Johnny couldn't agree more.

"Well, we'll leave you to get settled in. Just holler if you need anything. We'll have dinner in a couple hours."

"I'm making fried chicken, mashed potatoes, and corn!" April said before leaving behind her husband.

Yeah, this would do just fine.

* * *

Steve didn't like the Bakers. It didn't seem possible that he could trust them. Johnny deserved better than them, but would he get better? No. Greasers like them didn't get lucky breaks. Hell, they were lucky to get breaks at all. So why would it seem this time one of them could be so lucky? It wasn't going to happen. They weren't that fortunate. 

Steve went home and saw Elisabeth in the kitchen making supper. He had gotten used to her after a while, though he still didn't much care for the woman.

He went to his room and lay down. For once he was off for a while. He had already done the early shift with Soda. Now he had time to relax. His father would be home soon. Steve had been getting along with his father well enough. Garth had yet to disappoint him. He was surprised that alcohol still hadn't made an appearance.

Steve was called to supper less than an hour later. He sat down at the kitchen table across from his father. Elisabeth came in with a pan of lasagna. Though she didn't live with the Randles, it almost seemed that she did. Steve was actually glad that she was usually present. It helped fill the silence between him and his father.

Once served, Elisabeth sat down and grabbed her fiancée's hand.

"Steve, Elisabeth and I have an announcement to make."

"Dad, it's just me. That's not much of an announcement."

"Of course. We... we've picked a date for our wedding."

Steve set down his fork. "When?"

"Three weeks from today!" Elisabeth squealed before leaning in to kiss Garth.

Steve shook his head in disbelief. That was too soon.

"Isn't that awfully soon?"

"Well, we were planning on just having a small reception. We don't want anything too fancy," Garth explained.

Though feeling sick to his stomach, Steve picked up his fork again and started eating.

"Um, don't you want to say anything?" Garth asked when Steve didn't say anything more about it.

"What's there to say? Congratulations!"

"Don't give me that tone. We want your opinion."

Steve stood up, clanking a few dishes in the process.

"You want to know what I think? I don't understand why you give a damn about this woman. I don't understand why you couldn't take so much interest in Mom. Have you thought for a moment that maybe if you'd done that when she was alive she never would have killed herself? Why couldn't you sober up when Mom was alive, huh? Now you're here with your new woman and you expect me to comment on what I think about your wedding? I don't give a damn about you and your stupid new wife!"

Steve's rant was interrupted when his father stood up and slapped him across the face. After a stunned pause, he rubbed his cheek and smiled bitterly.

"And there's the real Garth Randle."

Turning, Steve walked to the front door.

"Steve, wait! I'm sorry. I didn't-"

Steve didn't hear the rest of his father's lies. He walked quickly away from his home, the stinging in his cheek making him move faster.

He went to Two-Bit's house, knowing his friend would take him in.

He walked up to the Mathew's house and knocked on the door. Two-Bit answered and was surprised to find Steve there. The first thing he noticed was the red imprint of a hand on his friend's face.

"Well, that lasted long, didn't it?" Steve asked bitterly.

"I'm so sorry, man. Come on in."

Two-Bit held the door open and waited for his friend to come inside.

"Do you want something to put on it? I could get you some ice."

Katherine Mathews walked in, drying her hands on a towel as she came in from washing the dishes in the kitchen. "Who's here, honey?" She began to ask before she saw Steve. She took a step back and when she saw the red mark on his face.

"Oh, Lord. What happened to you, dear? Hold on a sec and I'll get some-"

"Mama. It's okay."

Catching the tone in her son's voice, she nodded and headed back into the kitchen. Two-Bit sat down and waited for his friend to do the same.

"You wanna talk about it?" he asked once Steve sat down.

Steve pounded his fist on the table fiercely, making it shake beneath his hand. "He didn't change at all! I should have known that." He shook his head again.

"Did he start drinking again?" Two-Bit asked, trying to get the full picture.

"No. He hit me to protect..." Steve wasn't able to say her name.

"Who? Who was he protecting?"

Steve sighed. It would have to come out eventually. "His fiancée. Her name is Elisabeth. They're getting married in three weeks."

Two-Bit gasped in surprise. He hadn't expected that. "Does-"

"No. No one else knows."

Two-Bit blew his breath out. "Wow. That's... wow."

"I know. He defended her! That's what gets me. He goes years without paying any goddamn attention to my mother and now he's gone and gotten himself a new woman! And he's sobered up for her! He's changed because of her. And now, he'll go against me to protect her. Why couldn't he have done that for Mom, huh? She'd still be alive if he had!"

Two-Bit was silent, thinking. "Maybe... maybe your dad sees where he messed up and is trying not to mess up what he has with Elisabeth," he mused.

Steve glared at his friend. "Is that it? You're going to take his side?"

"No. I'd never take sides."

"He killed my mother! I don't care if she pulled the trigger! He might as well have done it himself. He drove her to it!"

Steve felt hot, bitter tears stream down his face. He watched as Two-Bit stood and came toward him.

"Look, it's okay, man. Just take it easy. Stay here tonight and it'll all be okay by morning."

"No. I'm not going to stay here." Steve turned and went to the door, planning on heading to Buck's.

"Steve! Come on, man! I'm sorry!" Two-Bit called after him, not meaning to have upset his friend so much.

It was too late, though. Steve was gone. All he could think about was drowning his misery. And he knew of only one way to do that.

Like father like son...


	10. Too Late for Forgiveness?

**Johnny's POV**

I couldn't remember sleeping so soundly before. My bed was so soft and comfortable. I felt lost in its hugeness. I ended up sleeping in the center of the bed.

I went out to the kitchen, the smell of bacon drawing me to it.

"Well hey, sleepyhead! I guess I don't have to ask how you slept," April teased from her place at the stove as she flipped a piece of bacon. Michael was sitting at the table with a cup of coffee beside him and the newspaper in his hands.

"Good morning, Johnny," Michael said with a smile.

"'Morning." Johnny sat at the kitchen table, unsure of what he was supposed to do.

"The biscuits will be ready in a minute. Do you want butter and jelly or gravy?"

Butter? Jelly? Gravy? They all sounded wonderful. Considering I usually went without breakfast, it was a real treat for me. Besides, on the days I had eaten breakfast, it was never anything like this. It was usually whatever I could find, usually being plain toast or bread. I'd only had biscuits once before with the Curtises, back when their parents were alive. I had embarrassed myself by eating them plain.

"Butter and jelly, please, ma'am."

"Ooh, did you hear that, honey? He has good manners. You could learn a thing or two from him." April swatted Michael's arm. She opened up the oven and brought out the pan of biscuits. She set some on my plate quickly, since they were still hot. I waited for her to bring out the butter and jelly. Following Michael's lead, I cut the biscuits in half and spread the butter and jelly on the inside, then folded them over to make a sandwich.

"Ah. I see you know how to eat your biscuits right. April here thinks you eat each half separately. She doesn't know how to eat them right." Michael winked at me.

'there's nothing wrong with the way I eat my biscuits! I've been telling him t hat for years. Besides, it all ends up in the same place."

I just smiled as I took my first bite. I closed my eyes in total bliss. It tasted heavenly.

"Do you like it?" April asked when I opened my eyes.

"It's delicious."

April grinned widely. "Good! I'm glad you like it."

After I ate four biscuits, I was full. April commented that she was happy that to have someone with a good appetite who would appreciate her cooking.

"Johnny, we'd like to talk to you about some responsibilities you have now that you're going to be living here."

I felt a moment of fear. Had I forgotten to do something? If not, what would I have to do now?

"We thought maybe you could do a few chores here and there. We figure you don't have to start right away so you can have time to get settled here. Maybe after you could help out with a few small things. Like take out the trash, mow the lawn, water the plants, and make your bed. You'll be paid, of course," Michael explained.

Paid? I'd never actually been paid for a job except for a few instances where I'd been paid small amounts of money for little tasks. I usually got my money from my dad's wallet or the gang helped pay my way. I suppose it would be fair to help out a bit.

"Okay."

April smiled. "Good. You can go off now, if you'd like. You're excused."

I went to my room. I figured I'd better make my bed. I pulled the sheets off, but realized it didn't look the way it had the day before. I had never made my bed before. My parents had never cared...

The thought of my parents sent a chill down my spine and I knife in my stomach. They hadn't fought toe get me back. My father had basically disowned me the last time I saw him. I wasn't living that far from them. What if I saw them? What would I say? What would they say? And the even bigger question: did I even care?

Realizing I must be such an idiot, I just stood there and stared at my bed. April happened to pass my open door and stopped to see what was going on.

"Is something wrong?" she asked me.

"I-I, um, I don't know how to... to make my bed."

She smiled so softly I would have described it as motherly. Considering my mother had always been cruel to me, I wasn't really sure that would be the correct description in my case. But that was how mothers were supposed to look.

"Come here. I'll show you."

April showed me how to tuck in the sheets and to fold them neatly. I was about to try it out myself when Michael came in.

"I'm heading to work... What's going on in here? Isn't Johnny supposed to make his bed?"

"I needed to show him how. He didn't know."

Michael turned to me and raised one eyebrow in a look that scared me.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly as I fearfully backed up in the room.

"For what?" April looked confused.

"I-I'll make my bed from now on, I promise."

"No one thought you wouldn't. Johnny?"

I watched Michael, with eyes full of panic. I saw him change into my father, saw the tie in his hand turn into a two-by-four. I whimpered.

"Johnny? Sweetie, are you okay?"

I backed up until I couldn't go any farther. This was always the point when my father would corner me. There wasn't any escape now.

"Please... please don't hit me."

I was surprised by their reactions. April covered her mouth with her hand and looked as though she'd cry. Michael closed his eyes and muttered a curse. It didn't sound mean, more sad and disgusted.

"Oh, honey." April walked toward me and I flinched, though she didn't look real threatening. Hell, my mom didn't either.

"We-we don't believe in hitting children. I don't care if you are seventeen. You... you deserve to have someone help take care of you. We'd never hit you." April reached out and hugged me. I slumped in relief. It been so long since I'd been hit. I hated the thought that I'd have to rebuild my "immunity" to it. Was it really true? Did they not believe in hitting? Was I so fortunate?

"I'm sorry if I scared you, son. I was just surprised you didn't know how to make a bed." Michael smiled reassuringly.

My heart began to beat at a regular pace again and I breathed easier.

Maybe I could really relax with these people.

**Sodapop's POV**

Pony seemed more at ease knowing Johnny was okay. I couldn't imagine how hard it had been on the two. I considered myself close to Johnny, but I knew I didn't compare to how close he was with Pony. Their friendship was like mine and Steve's.

Pony was sitting at the kitchen table eating apiece of toast when I walked in. He looked tired or sad. Sometimes it was hard to tell the difference, sometimes they came together.

"Everything okay, kiddo?" I asked him as I poured myself a cup of chocolate milk and went to sit by him.

"Fine. Everything is good."

"Glad Johnny's back?"

"Aren't we all?"

Our already too brief conversation was interrupted when Two-Bit rushed in through the front door. That was never a good sign.

"Soda, you need to check on Steve."

I felt a moment of panic. "Why? What's going on?"

"Last night he came to my house. His dad hit him again."

I groaned. The bastard.

"Steve told me something that'll surprise you. His father's getting remarried."

"What?" I asked as I shot up to a standing position. "To whom?"

"I don't know, some lady named Elisabeth."

"So is he at your house now?"

Two-Bit blushed in embarrassment. "No. He started talking about how it was all his dad's fault his mom died. He couldn't seem to understand why his father was treating Elisabeth so well when he had ignored his wife. i merely suggested that maybe he was trying to make up for his first mistake and I got Steve upset. He didn't stay at my house, but went to Buck's."

For a moment I wondered why Steve hadn't come to our house.

"Do you think he's still there?"

"Probably. Will you go talk to him?"

"Yeah. Don't worry about it, man." I patted Two-Bit on the back, knowing it was bothering him.

"Thanks."

I turned my attention back to Pony for a minute after Two-Bit left.

"You'll be okay by yourself?"

"Of course." There a certain paleness to his complexion that concerned me. For now, I needed to worry about Steve, though.

I went over to Buck's, hoping Steve would still be there. Darry and I had always told Pony to stay far away from this place, and we stayed away, too. I hated having to go there now, but I needed to see Steve.

When I got to the door, I knocked. For once it was quiet here. I supposed it was because it was still early.

Buck answered the door a few minutes later. "What do you want?"

"I came to see Steve."

Buck stared me down and I stared back at him. When I didn't back down, he jerked his thumb toward the steps.

"Thanks." I stepped inside and went to the steps. I hated being in this place. It stank of beer and sweat. I was thankful to get to Steve's room. However, it smelled even more strongly of beer.

Steve lay face down on a couch in the room, a beer bottle in his hand that nearly dragged the floor. I could see that the couch was supposed to turn into a bed, but Steve must not have gotten around to doing that. I counted six beer bottles in the room and groaned in disappointment.

Steve was as against alcohol as I was. It had always bothered him since he knew how mean it made people, mainly his father. My parents never drank, so I didn't see how mean it made people. They did tell us over and over again not to drink. They didn't really like that Pony and I smoked, but we hadn't done it much when they were alive, or at least not in front of them. Pony had barely smoked a whole pack since he's been home. I wondered why that is. I'll have to ask him sometime.

I stooped down and took the bottle out of his hand. There was still some in it, so I set it on the table so it wouldn't spill.

I reached out and shook Steve's shoulder.

"Wake up, Steve. Come on, buddy."

Steve's eyes slid open a crack and he groaned, only to close his eyes again. It was obvious that he was hung over.

"Come on, man. Wake up."

Steve groaned again and pushed himself up into a sitting position. He rubbed his face and head and slowly opened his eyes.

"What are you doing here?" he asked in an unpleasant tone.

"I came to check up on you. Two-Bit told be what happened last night."

"I figured as much. Secrets don't last that long between us. I take it he told you about Elisabeth."

"Yeah. I'm sorry."

Steve huffed. "Doesn't matter anyway. I don't want to spend my time with them any way."

"You want to talk about it?"

"What's to tell? Last night I complained to my father when he told me they'd set a date for their wedding. I bad-mouthed his precious new woman and he hit me. So much for 'family first,' huh?"

I shook my head in bewilderment. It had never made any sense to me that Steve's dad hit him at all. But choosing his new girlfriend over his son? I couldn't understand it.

"It doesn't make sense, man. Here my dad goes pretending to want me back in his life and now this? Sure, he's hurt me worse, but why now? It kills me to think he'd him me when he's perfectly sober. Maybe alcohol doesn't really affect him at all. He probably knew exactly what he was doing the whole time."

I nodded, though I didn't agree with him. I wouldn't state my opinions until he either asked for them or was finished. He needed to talk about this.

"If he had just paid Mom the much attention I'd never be in this mess. He sent her to the grave, as if he'd pulled the trigger. If he hadn't turned into a mean old drunk we'd be a family, a real one, too. But, no, that stupid bastard has to beat on us all the time until she kills herself. Why does this Elisabeth woman deserve all this attention? Why is he treating her ten times better than he treated Mom years before she died?"

Steve looked at me and I could see the actual question in his eyes. Apparently, it was my turn to talk.

"First of all, I don't think your father meant to his you when he was drunk. It was the alcohol talking, not him. I'd say last night was more of a spur of the moment kind of thing, like when Darry hit Pony. He wouldn't want you back in his life just to kick you out of it again. There's a reason for it. You may not think so, but I believe he's trying to make up for all the wrong he's done."

"Don't you think he's too late for that?" Steve screamed as he stood up. "He should have stopped drinking years ago! Then Mom would still be alive! It's too late now. He's too late for my forgiveness."

Steve sank back down on the couch and put his face in his hands.

"Steve, buddy, please. Don't let it be like this. It doesn't have to be. Please, at least talk to him. If he doesn't want your forgiveness, than you can walk away from him and live here if you want. But, please, find out first. Don't assume because of one mistake he doesn't care about you. You should know that from Darry's example."

It was true. Darry had hit Pony because he had been scared and upset. He would never hurt Pony on purpose, and we all know it. I hoped Steve would give his father the same consideration.

Steve raised his head to look at me. I was scared and surprised when I found traces of tears on his face.

"He's hurt me so... so much. Why should I give him the chance to hurt me again?" Now he s poke quietly. He was obviously thinking about it, but he wasn't won over with the idea yet.

"I know he's hurt you, but that's in the past now. Wouldn't you prefer the chance to find out for sure instead of spending the rest of your life wondering if you walked out of his life for the wrong reason? Give him another chance. If he hurts you again, you can leave."

Steve was silent a moment, contemplating what he should do. It was a big decision. I was confident he'd make the right one, though. Deep down I knew Steve wanted to love his father. Part of him may already; he just might not know it.

"Okay. I'll give him one more chance, but that's it."

I smiled. "I don't think you'll regret it."

We both stood and I hugged him.

"Thanks, man." Steve smiled.

"Any time."

I left steve at Buck's and went back home. I found Pony asleep on the couch when I walked in. I smiled as I passed him, but stopped in my tracks when I noticed the wet spot on his pillow. I leaned over the back of the couch and saw clear traces of tears on his face, ending on the pillow at the wet spot.

I also noticed that Darry must be home. I had missed the truck in the driveway. Had something happened between them?

What was going on?

**Last chapter's title came from the song "No One to Share the Blame" by Josh Gracin.**


	11. Ease His Guilt

Soda didn't know what to make of it. His little brother was asleep on the couch, appearing to have cried himself that way. His older brother was in his room with the door closed. Knowing he had to do something, Soda chose to talk to his brother who was awake.

Soda knocked on Darry's door and waited for an answer. When he didn't, he opened the door slowly.

"Darry?" he asked softly. He saw his older brother sitting on his bed with his head in his hands and his back to Soda. Darry looked over his shoulder when he heard his brother say his name. He sighed in relief when he saw it was Soda instead of Pony.

"Yeah?" He tried to keep his voice gentle, much unlike how he'd spoken to Pony.

"What's going on? Why are you home so early? Did something happen? Is Pony all right?"

Darry rubbed his eyes. "I got time off. We just finished our last project. I stopped at the store and one of Pony's teachers approached me. His name is Mr. Montgomery and he's Pony's chemistry teacher. Apparently, Pony failed one of his labs."

"What?" Soda exclaimed. Pony had been getting all A's. Why would he fail a lab?

"Yeah. He got a zero on it."

Soda gasped. "Why?"

"He wouldn't do it. He flat-out refused. I confronted him about it when I got home. He got all defensive about it and when I asked him why he wouldn't do it he screamed at me. And, you know me, I yelled back. I got mad at him because I thought he was slacking off. I stormed back here and have been ever since."

Soda sat beside his brother on the bed. "He looked like he'd been crying. Actually, I'm sure of it."

"Aw, man." Darry shook his head. "Why wouldn't he do his work? He works so hard at school. I don't understand it."

"Me either."

Soda could faintly hear a whimpering sound. He stood and left Darry. He found Pony squirming on the couch, whimpering faintly. Darry walked in shortly after, having heard the whimpers as well.

"Don't... Darry. Don't!" Pony cried.

Darry looked to Soda, wondering if his brother knew something he didn't. Soda just shrugged before kneeling in front of Pony and shaking him lightly.

"Pony, buddy, wake up."

Darry wondered if yelling at Pony had caused him to have a nightmare. He felt guilty, even not knowing if it was true or not.

Pony moaned and whimpered loudly before opening his eyes to those of his older brother's.

"Hey, Soda," he said quietly, not seeing his other brother behind Soda.

"Hey." Soda smiled. "You okay?"

Pony remembered fighting with Darry, so he paused before answering.

"I'm okay." He sat up and noticed Darry standing farther behind Soda. He lowered his gaze to the floor upon seeing his oldest brother.

"Are you sure?" Soda asked, noticing a hint of fear in his brother's eyes.

"Yes." Pony focused on an orange stain on the carpet where he had once dropped an orange popsicle years ago.

Darry came closer, noticing his brother's discomfort. He sat beside Pony on the couch. He couldn't help but see the way his brother shifted away from him.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, buddy. I just don't understand. Why didn't you do one of your labs? You got a zero on it! That's not like you at all."

Pony turned away from his brothers, not wanting to talk about it. Soda remained on the coffee table.

Darry reached out and turned his brother's face back toward him.

"Come on. What's going on?"

Pony kept his gaze downward, though his face was still toward his brothers. He took a deep, steadying breath.

"It was an easy experiment. All we had to do was light a burner so we could boil water. It was so simple we worked on it alone. But when people took out the lighters, I panicked. I left class early and by the next class, Mr. Montgomery told me I'd gotten a zero on it. He told me I could make it up, but I didn't want to."

"Why not?" Darry asked, confused as to why Pony wouldn't want to get the credit.

"I can't... I can't do it. Lately I..."

"What, buddy?" Soda gently probed.

"I... I've been scared... of fire. I'd been okay with it at first, but eventually I... I couldn't stand the sight of it."

Which explains why he hadn't smoked in so long, Soda thought.

"Oh, Pony, you should have told us." Darry wrapped an arm around Pony' shoulder. Pony quivered as he thought back a while.

"I remember one day wondering what it'd be like inside a burning ember. I got a pretty good taste of it inside the church. I'm afraid it'll happen again. And if it does, what will happen to me then? What else will I have to lose?" Pony raised scared eyes to his oldest brother. Darry's heart tore at the fear in his brother's eyes. If he had only known...

"Oh, Pony. Don't think that way." Darry took Pony in his arms.

Soda joined his brothers on the couch and gently rubbed his brother's back.

Pony rested his cheek on Darry's chest. He shook again with fear and felt his brother's comfort him. Fire scared him. He couldn't light a cigarette. He wanted nothing to do with matches. He was pretty sure one of his or Johnny's cigarettes had been the cause of the fire. If that was the case, why would he want to have anything to do with fire?

* * *

Steve didn't want to see his father, not yet anyway. He figured the best way to stall was to go see Two-Bit. He hadn't meant to yell at his friend and he hated the thought that he had made him feel guilty. Two-Bit was just trying to help out by being there for him. Steve wasn't willing to hear it at that moment, though. 

He walked to his friend's house. The yard was empty and quiet, but he could see a light on inside so he knocked on the door.

Katherine answered the door and smiled warmly at him. "Hello. Two-Bit is in his room."

"Thank you."

Steve stepped inside and went to the hall toward Two-Bit's room. He knocked on the slightly open door and Two-Bit looked up at the sound. Seeing his friend, he stood up abruptly.

"Hey," he said quietly, silently praying his friend wasn't mad at him.

"Hey." Steve gave him a small smile.

"Listen, man, about yesterday-" Two-Bit began his apology but Steve held up his hand for him to stop.

"It's okay. I understand. It... It's not a big deal. You were just telling me your opinion, and I respect that. At the time, however, I just wanted to hate my father. And when you suggested something that could change that, I got mad at you, too. I understand now, really. I was out of line when I yelled at you for trying to help me."

Two-Bit smiled. "Thanks."

"So we're cool?"

"Yeah. We're cool."

Steve smiled and hugged his friend.

"Have a seat. Mama was just making lunch."

"Okay."

Steve sat and weighed the question on his mind. Though he had told Soda that he would give his father another chance, he had to know something before he would allow himself to work on his relationship with his father.

"You okay, man? You seem to be in your own little world over there."

Two-Bit's words brought him back to the present.

"I, uh, I want to ask you something... something personal."

Two-Bit raised and eyebrow and leaned forward. "Okay. Shoot."

Steve took a deep breath. "Do you... do you ever think about your father, how your life would be if he was still around? I mean, what are your thought on him?"

Two-Bit was a little surprised by his friend's questions. He had to take a moment to think about it since he usually didn't think about it  
too much.

"Well, considering I was still so young when he left, I don't remember much about him."

"I know, but what if he was here? What if you saw him a gain today... what would you say to him?"

He sighed, unsure of an answer. "I... I'd probably punch him in the face and then, if he actually was civil enough to have an actual conversation with me, we'd walk. I'd ask him first why the hell did he leave and what the hell is he doing back. Hopefully, we'd get to talking about that and figure out why he did what he did."

"Do you ever regret him not being in your life?"

"Hell no. If he was rotten enough to leave us, apparently, he wasn't good enough to stay." Two-Bit gave his friend a long, hard look.

"But, if we're talking in terms of your father, then I'd say if my father ever comes back - which is highly doubtful - and he seems to genuinely care and want to make up, I'd give him the chance to make up for his mistake."

"What if you never got to make things right? Would you forever regret it?" Steve desperately sought the right answer for him.

"Yeah. I don't like to think that I may never get the chance to fix things with him. I deserve the explanation. And, if we can find some common ground, maybe we'll both benefit from it. I don't know. I don't think I'll be too worried if I don't see him again, though. If he can forget about us so easily, I can do the same for him."

Steve hadn't really gotten the answers he wanted. He wanted to know exactly what he should do. He was torn. In some ways he thought he should give his father another chance. If he didn't look for everything his father will do wrong, he'd probably be better off. Still, he was skeptical. He and his father had gone through so much together over the years. Steve didn't really trust his father. Garth had never been there for him, like he should have been. When Steve's mother died, Steve had needed support. Garth had spent the following days after his wife's death drinking himself to death. Steve had been alone and angrily hid his grief.

As much as he wanted to have his father in his life, Steve couldn't help but think that he'd be disappointed.

"If I had the choice, I'd want my father in my life, as long as he was willing to meet me halfway."

Two-Bit's words made Steve decide he should look on the optimistic side. He would take the risk of hoping his father had changed, that it had been a one-last-time thing when his father had hit him. He was afraid to hope, but he'd put more faith in his father than he though he had.

"Come and eat, boys. I've got bacon sandwiches on the table for you," Katherine called from the kitchen.

Two-Bit raised his eyebrows and smiled as he stood up. "Come on. Let's eat."

Steve smiled and stood with his friend. Two-Bit put an arm around his friend's shoulder as they walked into the kitchen side-by-side.

* * *

Pony was surprised when Rose showed up at his house that afternoon. He was planning on going to see Johnny when she arrived. He hadn't seen her in about a month, so he was happy to see her. 

"Hey, Rose." Pony smiled at her.

"Hi, Pony. Going somewhere?" She raised an eyebrow in question.

"I was about to go see Johnny. Care to join me?"

"Oh, he's back! Wow, I finally get to meet him. Can I use your phone real quick? I'll tell my mom where I'll be."

"Sure. Go ahead."

"Thanks." Rose walked past him and went to the phone. Darry walked by and stopped when he saw Rose, surprised.

"Hi, Darry."

"Hi, Rose." Darry looked at Pony and grinned, making Pony blush. He went over to his older brother to tell him his plan.

"Darry, Rose and I are going to see Johnny, okay?"

Darry raised his eyebrows as he took a long drink from the milk carton, finishing it off.

"Don't give me that look. We're just friends." Even so, Pony blushed an even deeper red and Darry's smile widened.

"We'll be back in a little while." Pony walked away from his brother, not wanting to become even more embarrassed than he already had. He could hear his brother laughing behind him, though.

When Rose got off the phone, she joined Pony outside.

"I'm ready. You?"

"Yeah."

The two began walking in the direction of Johnny's new house, having to pass his old one in the process. Pony pointed it out to Rose along the way. She agreed his new home had to be an improvement.

Pony became angered when a car full of Socs drove by and yelled some cruel phrases at them, even going so far as to call Rose trashy. He was embarrassed that Rose had to see that side of his life.

"I'm sorry," he apologized quietly.

"Hey, don't be." Rose turned and squeezed his arm. "It's not your fault those guys are jerks."

"Yeah, but if you weren't seen with me, you'd never be called that."

"Well, that may be so, but I think it's worth it if I get to spend more time with you."

Pony blushed again. He was always so nervous around girls.

"So when should you get your prosthesis?" Rose asked.

"In about two more weeks."

"That's great! Trust me, it's hard to start out with, but once you get the hand of it, it's a piece of cake. You'll love it."

Pony loved the idea of being able to walk without crutches and having something to fill the empty space in his lower pant leg. It would stop the stares once people got used to him walking without the crutches again. Maybe people would forget and he could go back to the way it had been before.

They came upon Johnny's new house. Pony only recognized it by the address and the car in the driveway. Nervously, he went up to the door and knocked. April soon answered.

"Why, hello! How are you? Pony, right?"

"Yes, ma'am. We're here to see Johnny."

"Well, I figured as much. And who might you be, dear?" She turned her attention to Rose.

"Hi, my name is Rose. I'm a friend of Pony's. I came to meet Johnny."

"Well, how exciting! He's in his room right now. That's the first room on the left. Make yourselves at home." She stepped out of the way so they could enter.

"Thank you," Pony said before walking past April and toward the hall.

When he got to the door of Johnny's room, he took a deep breath and knocked.

"Who is it?" Johnny asked from the other side.

"It's me - Pony."

Johnny quickly stood at the sound of his friend's voice. He flung the door open and grinned widely when he saw Pony.

"Ponyboy Curtis!" Johnny hugged Pony tightly, making his friend drop his crutches. Luckily, Rose caught them, though.

Pony grinned at his friend when he pulled back. His friend turned his attention to Rose. When they made eye contact, he smiled at her.

"You must be Rose."

"Why, yes. I'm surprised you knew."

"You're the only girl Pony talked to me about. You had to be."

"Well, I feel honored. It's nice to meet you Johnny." Rose stuck out her hand to him and Johnny took it.

"The pleasure is mine."

"Well, I'll let you boys talk for a while. I think I'll go get better acquainted with your foster mom."

"You don't have to leave," Pony protested.

"No, no. It's okay. I'm sure you two have lots to talk about. We can all talk later." Rose walked away and to the kitchen where April was.

Pony turned back to Johnny and grinned widely.

"Come on in. Have a seat." Johnny led Pony in with an arm across his friend's shoulder.

"I can't believe we finally get to talk in person," Pony said as he sat down on a chair against the wall. Johnny stretched out on his bed.

"I know. So, what's new? I hadn't heard from you in a while since I was about to leave."

"Not too much. I should be getting my prosthesis in a couple weeks."

"That's good. Are you nervous about it?"

Pony shrugged. "Kind of. It'll just be one more challenge for me to face. It'll be easy compared to the other ones lately."

Johnny felt guilty. He knew he was mainly to blame for Pony's misfortunes. If he had never killed Bob they wouldn't have gotten into this mess. Though he didn't mean to sound vain, he knew that part of the reason Pony had had emotional problems was because he wasn't there. Johnny was thankful Rose had been there with him a lot.

"Yeah. I'm sorry about that," Johnny voiced his guilt.

Pony gave his friend a confused look. "What do you mean?"

"If I had never killed Bob, you wouldn't be in this mess. If I had helped you get the kids out of the church, you would have gotten out in time. And I wasn't there for you when you needed a friend. How could you not know what I mean?"

Pony shook his head, surprised by his friend's words. Though Johnny was right, Pony could never think of him as being to blame for what had happened. It wasn't his fault. Maybe he was just blinded by friendship, but Pony had never and could never see Johnny as being responsible for all that had happened to him.

"Johnny, I've never blamed you for what happened to me. Yes, I see your point, but I don't think any one thing led to what happened that night, which led to all the bad things that have happened to me. For some reason, I think it was meant to happen. Nothing you did differently would have changed that. I wish it had never happened, but I know it won't change, so I'm going to have to live with it."

Johnny wiped his wet eyes. "Thanks."

Pony smiled. He was glad that he had been able to help his friend.

If only the rest of the gang could see how it wasn't their fault either, too.

**NOTE: I really don't want there to be any romance between Pony and Rose, unless you guys beg. And if so, then that won't be a main focus and if so, there will NOT be any chance of a sequel about the two of them. Savvy?**

**This chapter's title refers to Field of Dream when the "ghosts" say, "Ease his pain." LOL Cool, huh?**


	12. Normal Life?

**Johnny's POV**

After Pony and I got a good conversation in, I asked Rose to come back and join us. She seemed to be getting along well with April. When I went to get her, she was stirring a bowl of cake batter. Pony seemed to really like her, which made me happy. He hadn't made many friends since he'd been hurt last summer. I could tell it affected his self confidence and his personality. He seemed shyer now, but only because he was afraid that people would judge him for having one leg. The way I see it, if people do judge him for it, they're not worth his time.

"So, Rose, how old are you?" I asked her once we were back in my room.

"Fourteen. I'll be fifteen in October."

"Cool. I'm seventeen."

"Wow."

I was glad she didn't say I looked younger. I had hardly aged in looks in the past five years. Yet, I felt so old.

"I'm so glad you've been able to be there for Pony. I owe you."

Rose smiled. "It's no big deal. Pony and I have become really good friends. It's been my pleasure getting to know him."

Pony blushed slightly and I grinned widely. It was good to see him happy.

I found Rose's honesty refreshing. She wasn't afraid to speak openly about her feelings. Together, Pony and I would often tell each other some of our emotions. We knew that if we tried to tell the gang they wouldn't understand. It was better this way. However, I had seen some improvement in the gang.

I didn't hate their lack of emotion. I just hated the fact that they were all hiding behind masks of toughness. They didn't think they were allowed to show the slightest sign of emotion because that might make them seem weak. I hated the hypocrisy of it. I knew they had those feelings; they just chose not to show them.

"I, um, I didn't tell you about my last roommate, did I?" I turned my question to Pony.

"Not much."

"Okay. Well, his name is Andy. He's twelve... he's in there for murdering his little brother." I hated the word murder. It made killing sound that much worse.

Rose gasped in horror. Pony's eyes widened in surprise.

"Why?" Pony asked, his voice a little hoarse.

"I didn't tell you about him because I didn't want you to misunderstand him. His four-year-old brother started annoying him. So, to stop it, Andy pushed him... into their swimming pool."

"Oh my," Rose breathed.

"He... he tried to save him, but he was too late. Andy nearly drowned in the process."

"Wow. That's horrible." I hoped Pony wasn't considering the possibility that one of his brothers could kill him. It just wasn't possible.

"Yeah. The poor kid is haunted by it, as you can imagine. He even asked me if the guilt ever goes away... It doesn't."

"Johnny, you're going to have to forgive yourself for killing Bob," Pony admonished.

I shook my head. "No. It's not possible."

"Yes it is! It was either you kill Bob or I die. Do you regret that I'm alive?"

"No."

"Would you regret it more if you had done nothing?"

"Yes."

"Than stop feeling so guilty!"

I was surprised with the power in Pony's eyes. Rose sat awkwardly in silence.

"I... I know you think it should be real easy for me to just forgive myself, but it isn't. I can't just magically forgive myself."

"You're not even trying!"

"How do you know?" I screamed. "Do you think I want to live this way? Do you think I enjoy suffering under the weight of guilt every damn day of my life? It's hard, okay? It's hard! I'd like to just forgive myself and let it be over. It's not that simple! I wish it was, but it isn't.  
I killed someone!"

Deep down, I knew that Pony knew I was right. Then, though, he wanted something. I didn't want to deal with this right now, though. I just wanted to be left alone. I could work on forgiveness on my own.

"I never blamed you, Johnny. No one did. Hell, I don't think Bob even would have blamed you for killing him! It was self defense! You're going to have to let it go, man."

Pony stood up and went to the door. Rose soon followed, giving me a quiet "it was nice meeting you" before completely leaving.

Our conversation had changed so dramatically in such a short time. I couldn't believe we were already fighting. Pony and I hardly ever fought.

I picked up a pillow off my bed and threw it as hard as I could at the wall.

Pony didn't understand. And if he didn't... no one would.

**Pony's POV**

I angrily walked as fast as I could to get away from Johnny's house. Rose caught up with me and just stole concerned glances at me. I wasn't ready to talk. I was just mad.

Johnny was too hard on himself. He couldn't understand that what he'd done was necessary. I asked him if he regretted me being alive and he said no. Even so, I still felt angry that he felt so guilty over killing Bob to save me. Did he regret it deep down? If not, than he should be okay with what he'd done.

Of course, I didn't understand what it was like to kill someone. Maybe the guilt was too hard to get rid of as easily as I made it to be. Maybe it wasn't supposed to go away. I couldn't understand that. There had to be a way of forgiving yourself.

At the beginning of our conversation, I was able to get him to forgive himself for feeling guilty about getting me in this mess. I knew it wasn't his fault, and I truly believe he agrees now. I guess I can't tackle two guilts with one stone.

"Pony? Pony, are you okay?"

"No."

I kept walking, keeping my gaze ahead of me. Rose seemed uncomfortable with the situation. I felt bad about that, but she was just with the wrong people at the wrong time.

Normally, Johnny and I would be getting along real well. You would think that we would be since we hadn't seen each other in so long. I guess some of my fears and hesitancies came true. We still had things in common, but what had changed us over that time made us think differently. We had changed, though neither one of us had seen it at first.

I still knew Johnny was my best friend, and I knew that would never change. Right now, I guess we just have to get reacquainted with each other, see how we've changed over time.

"I'm sorry," I said quietly as Rose and I came up to my house.

"It's okay. These things happen. He does seem nice."

"He is. He's just too hard on himself right now."

"I know. You gotta let him work at his own pace on forgiveness. Only he knows what he's going through, despite how much he may have told you already."

It was true. I wish I could, but I know it should be sooner than later. He should be able to forgive himself so easily... but what do I know on the subject?"

"Thanks for coming over."

"You're welcome. It was good getting to see you." Rose peaked over my head and saw her mom coming.

"Well, I gotta go. I'll see you later. Good luck!"

"Bye."

She smiled and waved after she sat in the car. Her mom waved to me, too, so I waved back.

I went back inside, angry, exhausted, and confused. I lay down on the couch and sighed.

"Did you have fun with Johnny?" Darry asked as he came in from the kitchen.

"No."

Darry frowned. "Why not?"

"We got into a fight."

"You're kidding! Over what?"

"Nothing."

Darry moved over to the couch and lifted my leg, then sat underneath it on the couch.

"Come on, kiddo. Talk to me. What's going on?"

I sat up and looked at him, not really sure how to explain.

"Johnny isn't forgiving himself for killing Bob."

"Why? It was self defense. He had no other choice."

"I know. That's what I tried to tell him, but he won't listen. He says the guilt won't go away... ever. I know he can forgive himself, but he won't. It shouldn't be that hard, should it?"

He was quiet a moment, contemplating my question. "I guess it all depends on the person. If it was someone like Dallas, they probably wouldn't care too much. But Johnny... he's different. He's kinda sensitive, you know? He probably feels guilty for killing someone. I know I would. Wouldn't you?"

I nodded. Of course I would.

Maybe that was the difference, why I couldn't understand. I had never killed anyone before. Only people who had would understand. I sighed and leaned back again.

Darry patted my knee. "It'll be okay, kiddo."

Pushing off the couch, he stood and returned to the kitchen.

I felt tears prick my eyes. I didn't want to fight with Johnny. He's my best friend. I could see I was in the wrong, but how could I tell him that? I had spoken so strongly to him. I did want him to forgive himself and he needed to. But maybe I didn't understand enough to know how much time it would take for him to forgive himself. What kind of friend would that make me?

I closed my eyes against tears of misery. I'm a horrible friend. Johnny needed someone to talk to. He has enough problems now. He might even be having troubles with his foster parents. I wouldn't know, though. I'll have to make things right. I can't let him go on feeling guilty alone.

"Hey, Pony, how do you want your steak done?" Darry asked when he came into the living room again.

"Oh, Pony." He saw me crying and rushed over. He leaned my upper body up and sat down. Darry pulled me in his arms and held me tight. I pressed my forehead into the crook of his neck and whimpered.

"Sh, it's all right. It's going to be okay. I promise. Sh."

We sat there for so long it didn't matter how we wanted our steaks done; they were both well done.

**Steve's POV**

I went home; I guess you could say with my tail between my legs. I suppose I had been out of line before when I called Elisabeth such mean things. I couldn't help it, though. She got on my nerves, for no apparent reason except that she was in my life when I didn't want her to be. Since she seemed to be staying, I'd have to learn to live with her.

Dad was home when I got in. I wondered why he was there. He should have been at work. He was sitting at the kitchen table with his head in his hands. I quietly made my way inside the kitchen. I leaned against the door frame and folded my arms in front of me.

"Hey," I said roughly. I didn't want to show any emotions.

Dad's head shot up at the sound of my voice. Tears filled his eyes as he looked at me and slowly stood.

"Oh, Steve. You're back."

He walked to me and hugged me tight. I just stood stiffly in his arms.

"I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry. I'll never hit you again. Ever. You're safe now." He grabbed the side of my head and kissed it.

I allowed myself a moment to enjoy the promise he told me and the feel of his arms around me. I wasn't sure if I could trust him yet, but his reaction reassured me that I had made the right decision in coming home.

"I'm sorry, too, Dad. I shouldn't have said those things about Elisabeth," I said when I stepped out of his embrace.

"It's okay. I understand. This must be hard for you."

I nodded. It has been hard.

"Oh, I'm so glad I haven't lost you." He hugged me gain and this time I patted his back in return.

"Are you hungry?"

"Kinda."

"Okay. I'll make you some supper."

"Thanks."

I sat down at the table and watched him pull out a couple of frozen dinner packs.

"Where's Elisabeth?"

"Oh, she's having her bachelorette party tonight."

"Already?" I was surprised it was so soon. That just meant that their wedding would be here before I know it. I felt my stomach churn at the thought.

"Yeah, she was pretty excited. I had to convince her to leave, though. She was worried about you."

I had to try my best to keep from rolling my eyes. There was no way she cared about me. And why would she? She only cared about Dad, not me, and I didn't blame her.

Dad brought our dinner plates over. For frozen food, it wasn't bad. I had to admit it wasn't as good as Elisabeth's.

"Son, I'd really like to talk to you."

I rolled my eyes. "Please, Dad. Not right now."

"I'm sorry, but this needs to be said. You'll forever hate me if I don't."

"Fine. What?" I spooned a mouthful of potatoes in my mouth.

"I don't want you to think I didn't love your mother. I did... very much. I know it didn't seem that way for a long time. And I never stopped loving you, either. I just lost control... for a long time."

I could have said some things then. After all he'd done to me and my mother, I shouldn't listen to him. But something in the way he talked made me want to listen, want to believe he cared.

"I had had a rough time getting used to working at the factory. I always planned on having a better job, but I never got a chance when your mother got pregnant. Don't think I blamed you."

The way he worded it did make it sound that way.

"I had had a job at a newspaper for a while, almost ten years. I enjoyed it there, but it got bought out by a larger newspaper company. Some of the employees were able to go to the new work site, but I wasn't one of them. So, I got a job at the factory.

"For the first few years I struggled. It was a hard job and I hated it. I didn't use my head much, just my hands. When the guys would go get a drink after work, I usually went home. But one night they talked me into it. Your mother had encouraged me to go, too, to get to know them more. So I went along, but I didn't get anything alcoholic. I kept going for about a week and one of my friends bought me a beer. I loved the taste, so I got more and more. I began to notice that the more I  
got the better I felt. So I drank until I had no more money or someone drove me home."

Home. Why had he ever needed to go home after that? It would have been so much easier on us if he hadn't. I felt my throat tighten.

"I swear, when I was so drunk, I didn't know what I was doing. My thoughts were confused. I hardly remembered hitting you and your mother. I wish I hadn't. If I had known, I wouldn't have. But soon the alcohol became my savior. When I had a bad day at work, it was there. When I felt guilty for hitting you and your mother, it was there. I can't say I wasn't a bad person because I was.

"When your mom died, I swore never to drink again. And if you remember, I didn't soon after she died. But the grief killed me. And the only way I knew how to get rid of it was by drinking. So that's what I did. I drank because when I was sober I couldn't control myself. The grief and guilt were too much for me."

Normally, I would call his bluff. Normally, I wouldn't listen to a word he said. Normally, I'd leave in an outrage.

But my life hasn't been normal for a long time. So I listened to him and...part of me was believing him.

"I basically forgot you existed when I wasn't at work. I wanted to make things better between us so many times, but I could never get home without stopping for a drink... a drink that led to two, then three, then four, until I lost count.

"It really hit me how bad it had gotten when I stabbed you with that bottle. I-I couldn't control myself and for the first time I really wanted some control. And so I stopped drinking, slowly. Soon I met Elisabeth and I got my control back. So then, to make the picture complete, I needed you."

Dad stopped and wiped his eyes. "And last night, I thought that I lost you again... and I couldn't bare that."

I felt tears come to my own eyes but I fought them away. Could he really care that much?

"You don't know how much it means to me that you've come back home. My life is complete now."

I was happy for him. It wasn't easy to be content with your life. It was amazing that he had gotten the chance.

"I, um, I think I'm going to go to my room now. Okay?"

"That's fine. Steve?"

I turned back at the door.

"I love you. You know that, right?"

I nodded, for his sake.

Dad smiled, relieved. "Okay."

I smiled back and went to my room.

It was a lot to take in at this moment. I wasn't really sure that I could truly believe him yet. It was hard for me to trust him. We'd been through so many bad things together it was only natural for me to be a little suspicious.

But it all seemed to make so much sense now. It was clear to me that Dad was a victim of alcohol. He had just had so much trouble with life that he needed an escape from life for a while. The only problem was he went too far with his relief.

It was around midnight when I was awoken by a car pulling up outside our house. I got up to see what was going on when I saw Elisabeth stumble toward the front door.

Dad was already there at the door. She came swaying in and I saw a flash of anger in Dad's eyes.

"Hey baby! I, uh, I had a little bit too much to drink so the girls brought me here. Yay!" Her words slurred together into a mess that made it hard to understand.

"Get out of my house." Dad's voice was deadly. It even scared me.

"Oh, why you gotta be like that, grumpy butt? We can have some fun tonight!" She leaned forward and puckered her lips to an unattractive size. When she leaned over, she nearly went too far and fell.

"You've been drinking! I will not allow it in my house! Do you understand me?"

"Geesh, who stuck a bur in your britches? I'll just go over here."

I backed up when she headed to me. Dad stopped her by roughly grabbing her by the arm.

"No! I will not let you bring these temptations on me! I've had enough! You will not be a part of my family if you drink alcohol around me! Get out!"

Even drunk she cowered in fear. My own heart was pounding in my chest at his angry words.

"Fine. I'll go." Elisabeth slowly stumbled out of the house and Dad slammed the door behind her. I flinched at the sound.

Dad turned to me, shaking his head. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry you had to see that."

He walked past me and went into the kitchen. I watched him sink into a chair and stare into open space, never truly focusing on any one thing.

Suddenly, he broke into tears and covered his face with his hands. His shoulders shook with sobs and I could only stare at him, surprised. My pulse quickened at the thoughts that entered my head.

At seeing what happened tonight, I knew I could believe Dad about what he told me. If he made such a big deal over Elisabeth getting drunk one time, it was obvious he was serious about not drinking. It must be hard for him, trying to fight away the urge to drink every day. Sure, his life is better now, but no one's is perfect. Everyone needs something to help them get through.

What if he and Elisabeth were through now? What if it would just be the two of us now?

And, most of all, now that I knew I could trust my father, could I actually have the normal life I want so much?

Do I dare hope for it?


	13. When Nothing's Going Your Way

Pony couldn't stay mad at Johnny long. He never could. By the third day following their fight, after school he chose to go back to Johnny and apologize. It wouldn't be easy, but it would be worth it to get his friend back.

He quietly knocked on the door to Johnny's house and waited. April opened the door and smiled at him, but Pony's gaze was on the ground in front of him.

"Is Johnny here?" he asked quietly.

"Of course, dear. Come on in."

"Thank you." His voice turned even quieter.

Pony slowly made his way to Johnny's room. He knocked softly and repeated the act of looking down.

Johnny opened the door wondering what April might need. He was surprised to find Pony there. He wanted to hold onto his anger toward him a little while longer. However, seeing how miserable Pony looked, he felt it melt away.

"Can I come in?" Pony ventured a quick glance at Johnny's face.

"Of course." Johnny held the door open for his friend and waited on him to enter before closing it.

Pony sat nervously on the same chair he had occupied earlier in the week. He looked at Johnny who was leaning forward as he sat on the bed.

"I'm sorry, " Pony whispered, avoiding Johnny's gaze because he assumed it would be full of anger.

"I know, man. I am too."

Pony was not expecting that response so it caused him to look up at his friend.

"You are?"

Johnny smiled. "Don't look so surprised. We both were wrong the other day. I don't think we really should have fought over it anyway. I-I understand where you were coming from. I hope you can see my side too."

"No, that's just it. I can't and that's why I'm sorry. I never should have pretended to know what you're going through. I mean, you killed someone, Johnny. People who haven't don't really know what it's like. I shouldn't have made it seem like you have a time limit for forgiving yourself. I don't know how long it takes, only you do. I'm so sorry."

Johnny smiled again at Pony. "You're too hard on yourself, you know that? It's okay, really. I forgive you. I know you're just worried about me and you just want me to be happy. And you're right. It will take time before I'll forgive myself. I'm sorry I didn't understand that sooner and I'm sorry I wasn't first to apologize."

Pony finally allowed himself to smile, too. "thanks."

"No problem. So now that we have that settled, what's new?"

"Nothing much. I got a confirmation that my prosthesis will be in next week. I don't want to talk about me, though. What's up with you? Are you getting along okay with your foster parents?"

"It's amazing. You know, I never thought I'd be lucky enough to have such a good break. They're wonderful! They're how parents should be. They're not as good as your parents, but they seem to take me in as their own son. I couldn't be happier with them!" Johnny had to laugh with the pure joy he felt.

"That's great! I was worried you were miserable and couldn't talk to me about it because we fought."

"Nope. It's just too good to be true. I'm afraid one of these days I'll wake up and it'll be gone or it'll end up being a dream."

"Don't think that w ay. This is just you finally getting what you've deserved for so long."

"I hope you're right, man. Hey, can we go see the gang? I haven't seen anyone else since I got back."

"Sure. Are you allowed to leave?" Pony asked as he stood.

"Well, I would hope. I'm not kept in captivity or something. I'll just tell April, okay?"

"Okay. I'll meet you outside."

Pony stepped out onto the sidewalk and waited for Johnny to come out. He figured they could go to the DX. That way he could see Soda and Steve would be there too. If they were lucky, more of the gang would be there too.

As it turned out, they were lucky enough that all of the gang were there except for Darry, who was at work.

"Well, look who's coming," Two-Bit called loudly when he saw Pony and Johnny coming toward them. He was leaning on a car Steve was fixing. Since there were no other jobs to do, Soda was talking to Dallas. He looked over when he heard what Two-Bit said. He grinned when he saw his little brother coming.

"Hey, guys," Johnny said when he came within hearing range.

"Hey, Johnny. I thought your foster parents were keeping you locked up. I was thinking about coming down there and breaking you out."

Johnny smiled at Two-Bit. "Nope. They're really nice. Hey, Dal."

"Hey, man. How you doing?" Dallas clapped Johnny on the back.

"I'm doing good."

"Good to know. How's it going down there?" He looked under the car at Steve.

"Done!" Steve slid out from under the car.

"What's up, Johnny?" he asked once he was on his feet again.

"Not much. How are you?"

"I'm fine. You?"

"I'm good."

Soda, who had been talking to Pony, came over now with his brother.

"Hey, Johnny! Long time no see."

'Yeah, I know."

Pony went to stand between Dallas and Two-Bit and exchanged quick greetings with both.

"So, Johnny, how's life with your foster parents? They give you any trouble?" The protective side of Two-Bit had to know.

"Guys, I'm telling ya, it's wonderful. They treat me so much better. I mean, they're like the Curtis' parents."

"Really? That good, huh?" Soda lightly hit his brother's arm.

"What? A Greaser is finally getting a break?" Steve was still suspicious.

"It's true. I have my own room with a huge bed. They bought me a bunch of stuff. Which reminds me, they got me a football. We'll have to try it out some time."

"Of course." Two-Bit wouldn't let it go to waste since he loved football.

"April is a wonderful cook. She makes me every meal. Mike works during the day, but when he's home, he's really nice to me. I can hardly ask for better parents."

"Yeah, well, good for you, kid," Steve said with just a hint of sarcasm spoken out of jealousy.

"April says she wants all of you to come over some time if he can get all of us together at once. Please, come because it would mean so much to me."

"Sure, kid. We''ll come." Dallas wanted to roll his eyes at the thought. He was surprised Johnny was talking so much. It wasn't like him.

"You'll love our house. It's a little bigger than the Curtis' house, but not by too much. Oh, and I even have my own bathroom. Isn't that crazy?"

"Insane. Look, we should get back to work." Steve was getting tired of listening to it. Secretly, the rest of them were thinking the same thing.

"Mike even said something about getting me my own car! Well, it's theirs but they don't use it because it has something wrong with it. But if we can get it working again, it'll be all mi-"

"Shut up!" Steve screamed, causing everyone to freeze. "Do you think we care that much? We get it. You have the perfect life now. Do you know what I think about it? It's not fair! I had to live with an abusive father who drove my mother to suicide. The Curtis' parents died in a car accident. Two-Bit's father walked out on his family and now his sister is dead! Dallas has been in jail and his parents don't even give a shit about it. Where are out lucky breaks, huh? I don't see any. Do you? So just shut your mouth and be grateful you have what you do because we sure as hell don't have much to be thankful for. So don't you be bragging around us because we're not as lucky as you."

Everyone stared at Steve. Johnny's eyes filled with tears and he turned and ran away.

"Johnny, don't. Come back!" Soda tried, but he was gone.

After watching Johnny leave, the gang turned back to Steve.

"What? Ya'll were thinking the same thing."

"Yeah, but we wouldn't have said anything. Why'd you have to do that, asshole?" Dallas shoved Steve hard in the chest.

"Don't touch me!" Steve said with a push back.

"Yeah, Steve, why couldn't you just be happy for him?" Two-Bit also gave him a shove. Reacting, Steve punched Two-Bit and the fight broke out.

Most focused on hitting Steve, but eventually they'd miss and hit each other. They all screamed and cursed at each other, except for Pony. Soda was the only one on Steve's side, just because he hadn't thought it fair that the others had hit him.

Pony hated seeing his friends fight. Since he was the only one not fighting, he took it upon himself to be the one to break it up.

"Guys! Guys! Stop it! Please!" Pony moved closer and, in doing so, was knocked to the ground by the force of Steve's body pushing into his. The clattering of his crutches hitting the ground stopped the gang in their tracks. Soda broke through to get to his brother.

"Ponyboy!" Soda dropped to the ground by his brother and pulled him to a sitting position.

"Are you all right?" Soda asked as the gang looked worriedly at Pony. They all had a protective side toward the youngest member and they all felt some form of guilt for getting Pony hurt.

After taking a hissing breath, Pony nodded and the gang seemed to breathe easier.

"Are you hurt?" Soda looked for any signs of injury.

"My elbow." Pony moved his arm so Soda could see it since he couldn't. He had gotten a bad scrape that needed bandaged.

"I'm sorry, Pony. I didn't mean to run into you," Steve apologized.

"Me, too," echoed from the rest of the gang.

'It's okay, guys. Really," Pony assured them.

"Tough enough, kid," Two-Bit said with a wink.

"How about you have Two-Bit take you home to get that cleaned up, okay?"

"All right."

"Here." Soda helped Pony to his feet and Dallas handed him his crutches.

"Thanks."

"Look, I'm sorry, guys," Steve said.

"We all are. Don't worry about it," Dallas told him.

"Thanks, man."

"Come on, kid. Let's see what Dr. Mathews can do for you."

""Oh joy." Pony rolled his eyes and the gang laughed.

"See you, kid! I hope you're okay," the gang called after them.

The walk home was painful. As Pony bent his arms to move with his crutches, the wound opened more. He was thankful for it to be a short walk and even more thankful to see Darry was home.

"Hey, guys. Whoa. What happened to you" Darry directed his question to Two-Bit, having not seen Pony's arm yet.

"A bit of a fight broke out. It's nothing, though. Help the kid."

"Pony? Are you all right?" He immediately went to his brother.

"It's just a scrape." Pony moved so Darry could see it.

"Ow. That looks painful. I'll go get some stuff to put on it."

When Darry left, Pony and Two-Bit sat down. "How's your nose?" Pony asked, looking at the swollen nose.

"It's okay. Soda really nailed me good, though."

"You know Johnny wasn't bragging, right?"

"Yeah, I know. I'm happy for him. But I'm not going to go so far as to say I'm not jealous."

"I am, too. I won't tell him, though."

"I wouldn't think you would."

"Okay, kiddo. This is going to sting a little." Darry came back with both alcohol and peroxide, along with some gauze bandages and a washcloth.

"That's my call to leave. See you guys." Two-Bit stood to leave.

"See ya, Two-Bit."

Darry focused on the task at h and. He wet the washcloth with a mixture of both products. As soon as he touched the wound with the cloth Pony hissed in pain.

"Ow."

"Sorry, buddy, but it's not very clean. I don't want it to get infected."

Infection. The last one Pony had had took the majority of his left leg.

"Do it." Pony wouldn't take any chances.

Darry tried to clean it as gently as he could. He was surprised when Pony didn't react to it at all, as though he couldn't feel a thing.

"All done."

Pony released the breath he'd been holding and looked down at his bandaged arm. He'd have to stay put for a while since his arm would have to be so stiff.

"So what caused all this?"

"Steve yelled at Johnny because he was telling us how good his life is now."

"Why? That's a good thing."

"I know, but I think Steve is jealous."

"Oh, I see. So how'd it end up in a fight?"

"Dallas and Two-Bit got mad at Steve and they started hitting each other."

"How's Soda?"

"He's got a bad black eye, but that's what he got for messing up Two-Bit's nose."

Darry laughed. "Ah, so he's the one who gave him that. I'm glad you weren't hurt any worse than you could have been. The gang isn't made up of weak guys, you know."

"Yeah. I know."

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Johnny ran home and rushed to his room, slamming the door behind him. April heard him come in and felt some concern at the speed he had come in.

"Johnny? Johnny, are you okay?" she asked as she gently knocked on his room door.

Johnny couldn't hear her words because his cries drowned them out. He kept his face buried in his folded arms, oblivious to the fact that she was entering his room.

"Oh, honey. What's the matter?" She sat on the bed beside him and stroked his back and hair.

Johnny flinched at her touch, not expecting it. He turned his head so he could look up at her.

"Leave me alone." He didn't want her to comfort him. Right now he felt too guilty for having anything good in life. Her comfort would only add to it.

"Sh. What's going on? What's got you so upset?"

"My life. I don't deserve you. I don't deserve to be here."

"Of course you do! What brought this on?"

"I-I was just telling the gang how wonderful you guys are to me and then, and then Steve yelled at me because he thought I was bragging about. I wasn't! Honest! I didn't mean for it to sound that way! I would never make them feel lower than me!"

"I'm sure you wouldn't, dear."

"He misunderstood me. I-I-I didn't want that to happen. I just have been so happy here that I thought they'd like to know. And then I got caught up in all the good things that have happened to me and it got away from me. I didn't mean to make them think their lives are worse. I know how bad their lives have been! Mine was, too! I just wish I could fix this."

Johnny returned his face to his arms and cried. He usually wouldn't cry in front of anyone like April, but she was being such a good support to him. Her hand was soothing and he though it was strange that he was so lucky to have her. Why had he become the lucky one? Why couldn't it have been someone else?

If it had, he'd probably be jealous, too, though. That thought made him feel worse for telling the gang all about how wonderful his life is now. No wonder they thought he was bragging. That's what it sounded like. He hadn't meant for it to, but that's how it came out. How could he have been so insensitive? He should have told them he was doing good and then left it at that. He should have changed the subject and done something else.

But he hadn't. Now he'd have to somehow make up for it.

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Steve went home, feeling guilty for talking to Johnny that way. He still was mad that Johnny had gotten the lucky break. But he really couldn't complain about his life now. None of the gang could, really, except maybe Pony. Two-Bit and his mom were getting along great. Dallas didn't really give a care if his parents had any interest in his life. Darry and Soda were working, but were doing okay. Pony still had to wait on his prosthesis, but other than that, he shouldn't be too bad either. Steve had been doing well with his father. So what was he yelling at Johnny for? It was just his turn now.

Steve opened the door and walked inside the house. He found Elisabeth and his father sitting on the couch together. Elisabeth looked like she'd been crying and his dad had an arm around her. Well, that lasted long, didn't it?

"Hi," Steve said as he leaned against the wall at the opening of the living room.

"Hello, Steve. I'm back." Elisabeth laughed nervously.

"So I see."

"Won't you sit down, son?"

"No thanks. I'll just go to my room."

"Okay."

Steve didn't know whether to be happy or mad about their reunion. He still resented Elisabeth for trying to take his mother's place. No one could do that. His father did seem happy with her, though. He supposed it was just a matter of being selfish or not. If he was mad, it would be because he didn't want Elisabeth in his life. And if he was happy, he was happy that his dad could find someone he wanted to be with. He wasn't exactly feeling in a charitable mood, but he didn't really have an opinion at the moment.

He was jealous of Johnny's good luck. He had wanted it for so long. He had had the ideal parents at one point in his life, but Johnny had never had them until now. Steve shouldn't be jealous. He should be pitying Johnny for already having such a bad life. He should be happy for his friend... but he wasn't.

Did that make him a bad friend?

**Hey, guys! How's it going? I'm doing all right. I hope you guys are too. Before I forget, I could REALLY use your help with Dallas. I have no idea what to do for him! Any suggestions? I need a bit of a Dallas story in here some where! This story's main points will center around Johnny and Steve, though. I hope that's okay. Let me know if you have any ideas for Dallas because I am lost on it!**

**This title comes from a song I wrote called "To Get You Through." If anyone's interested in reading it, let me know, okay?**

**Stay Gold!**


	14. Silver Lining to a Black Cloud

**My thanks go out to Julie, Rayena, and Rayena's father for helping me so much with this chapter. I appreciate it! Rayena gave me the idea for the black cloud and silver lining part, even though I don't think she knows it.**

**Steve's POV**

Though my annoyance at Johnny's good fortune was still intact, I knew Johnny did deserve a break. He'd had as rough of a life as the rest of the gang. If he could get a shot at a normal life, maybe it meant there was hope for the rest of us.

I knew I couldn't allow Johnny to keep feeling guilty about being lucky. I was being a rotten friend by not being happy for Johnny. He's  
had such a rough time lately. He needs a break for once. I knew it, but part of me wanted to forget it the other day. It was as though I  
wanted to pick a fight with Johnny and I don't know why.

I wasn't exactly thrilled that Dad and Elisabeth were getting back together. I did appreciate the change in food. I just couldn't believe  
their wedding was coming up so soon. They ended up delaying it so now it won't be for three more weeks. Still, I couldn't believe it'd be in that short of time. And then I'd have a stepmother. How weird would that be? I walked the short distance to Johnny's new hose after work. I hated knocking on the door. I was used to just letting myself in. I figured Johnny wouldn't be the one to answer so I put on my  
more-polite-than-usual face.

As it turned out, Michael was the one to answer.

"Oh, hello. You're one of Johnny's friends, right?"

"Yes. Can I see him?"

"Sure."

Mike stepped back so I could enter. I looked around, feeling dumb and poor in their home, and wondered where I was supposed to go.

"His room is right down there." Michael pointed to a door and I went to it.

Tired of knocking and waiting, I knocked loudly on the door and let myself in. Johnny was reading a book when I came in. He looked up, surprised to find me there.

"What are you doing here?" he asked as he sat up.

"I came to talk and to apologize."

"Oh. You think we can do it somewhere else?"

I shrugged. "Wherever, man."

Johnny led the way to a secluded area behind their house. It had a circle of chairs and Johnny sat on a wooden bench. I sat on a plastic  
chair and leaned forward.

"So what do you want to talk about?" I could see hurt evident on his face and the stone face that replaced it said he didn't plan on getting  
hurt again.

"Look, I am so sorry about the other day. I-I was out of line and I wasn't being a very good friend. I just... I got so jealous when you  
kept going on about how great your life is. It didn't make sense to me that you were getting so lucky. I felt so jealous that I had to get you to shut up about your life."

"You could have said something," Johnny put in quietly.

"Yeah, I know. But jealousy made me angry. I just couldn't see how you'd be getting such a great life. I wasn't thinking about myself and  
I was comparing your life to mine. It doesn't make sense because my life has been going okay lately. It's not perfect or anything, but I  
haven't had it this good in a long time... and you still have it so much better."

Johnny's face showed surprise and a little confusion.

"You're making my life out to be perfect."

"It's about as close as it can be." I was surprised when Johnny reacted so strongly by that statement.

"You think my life is so perfect? You go out and kill someone, spend nine months in juvie, and come here to live with strangers. Tell me  
your life is perfect when the guilt eats away at you and you wake up not knowing where you are. Tell me it's perfect then."

Johnny stood and walked toward the house.

"Johnny, wait! I didn't come here to start another fight."

He stopped walking and his shoulders sagged a little. After a brief moment, he turned back at me.

"I know. I-I don't know what got into me. It's just that... my life isn't easy, you know. It's a whole lot better than it was, but it's no  
where near perfect. I am extremely lucky to have foster parents like April and Mike, but it's just one aspect of my life that is going  
right."

"I-I'm sorry, man. I just...God, I feel like an idiot. I didn't know things were still so rough. I'm so sorry."

"It's okay, man. I understand."

"Do you?"

"Yeah. It's okay."

I smiled. "Thanks, Johnny."

I felt the guilt ease and understanding flood in.

"You wanna talk some more?" Johnny asked, motioning toward the chairs.

"Sure, man."

So we sat there and we both got a look at the other's life and how they are better and worse. I felt better having told him about what I  
thought. We caught up on the times we missed when he was in juvie and for once forgot about the troubles of today.

**Pony's POV**

I couldn't believe the call had come in. Thankfully Darry was home and he planned for the next day's appointment. He'd go with me and Soda would have to wait anxiously at the DX and work.

My prosthesis was in. I felt more nervous and excited than I had before. And I even felt a little fear. Would this be the end of my  
troubles? Could I finally have a normal life and more on as if nothing had ever happened?

The scars would still be there. My leg would still be half gone. The memories would still haunt me. But after this, I can pretend to be  
normal and people won't be able to tell. People can't see the scars. They won't know I have prosthesis for the lower half of my left leg.  
They can't see the memories floating around in my head. It didn't work that way. Strangers wouldn't see anything different about me.

They'll never know any different unless they take the time to find out.

I called Rose after Darry announced the good news to me. She would understand what I was going through.

"Hi, Pony. What's up?" Rose said when she knew it was me.

"I'm getting my prosthesis tomorrow." I couldn't help but smile widely. I heard her scream happily.

"That's so cool! I'm so happy for you. It'll be okay now, I promise! You'll have to walk with your crutches for a while until you get used  
to it. But practice without the crutches a lot. It'll come easy for you eventually. Don't worry about it. You'll be great!"

"Thanks. I'm glad you're happy."

"Of course I am! This is so exciting. You're going to feel so different, Pony. No one will look at you the same."

Well, that was a good thing. I didn't want to get those same stares I have been lately. People would look at me either full of pity or as if  
I'm some sort of freak. But, then, there are those who chose not to bother to look at me. When I start coming, they'd look the other way. I don't know which one I prefer.

After getting off the phone with Rose, I called Johnny to tell him. He was the only other member of the gang I figured would be anxious to find out when. The rest will see me with it soon enough.

Darry drove me to the hospital the next day. I could hardly breathe.

"It'll be okay," Darry said as he reached across the seat and squeezed my arm.

I nodded because I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak.

I should feel so scared. This was a good thing. I feared the new challenge ahead. I feared what people will think when they see me walking with it. I feared it wouldn't work. I feared the change it would bring.

I had grown so used to being ignored by people when they see me. At first I had missed the sense of normalcy. Now that I have gotten used to it I couldn't understand what it would be like as I had been before. I couldn't pretend this has never happened. It will always be a part of me. I can't imagine what my life would be like it if hadn't. So much has happened because of one incident. An incident where I came out a hero with a burned body. How is that fair?

I could remember Dallas once saying "that's what you get for helping people." I hoped it wasn't true. I hoped it was just a bitter and cynical statement. It would make sense why most people didn't do the right thing, though.

I knew it took guts to do what I did. I was proud of myself for doing it, but I had rarely thought about before the moment I was burned. My life changed after that. But what if I hadn't saved the kids? How would things have changed? Dallas would have taken us back. Johnny would have turned himself in. But what about me and Darry?

I looked over at my brother. I hated how we had been before the fire. Darry had been at my throat all the time. I thought he had hated me. I was thankful for how that has changed. Would we have been on such good terms now if I hadn't been burned?

I couldn't imagine us not being on good terms. Now we're like we were before Mom and Dad died, maybe even closer. I missed the closeness between us. Before I even had had the irrational thought that Darry blamed me for their deaths.

I also would hate living with the guilt of not doing something to save the kids. More than likely, my or Johnny's cigarette was the cause of the fire. Most people wouldn't take the guilt upon themselves. When you see firemen heading into a burning building, you don't feel guilty for not joining them. Most would see that as the same case with the church. I would have brought it on myself because that's the kind of person I am. If I don't act, I regret it forever. But if I had known what would happen because of me saving the kids...

My thoughts weren't allowed to venture there when Darry brought me back to the present. We'd arrived at the hospital.

Nervously, I walked with Darry to the hospital. Darry signed me in and then came to sit by me. I kept tapping my foot out of nervous habit and I was shaking like a leaf.

Darry gave a soft chuckle and squeezed the back of my neck.

"Stop fidgeting. It's going to be all right."

I gave him a small smile to let him think I was okay. He smiled back reassuringly to me. The smile died on my lips when a nurse called my name.

Dr. Reardon was waiting for me with a flesh colored prosthesis in his hands. I smiled slightly, just to show I wasn't horrified. I actually felt like I needed to throw up.

"Well, Pony, she's here." I didn't like that he referred to it as "she."

"I see that."

Darry was smiling as he watched us silently.

"You just get up here and we'll try her on. You'll have to take your jeans off, though."

I blushed a little after taking them off. I felt uncomfortable even though the two didn't make me that way.

I sat on the table and Dr. Reardon came over. He covered my stump with two sweat socks to cushion it. Right below my knee the prosthesis fit on. It strapped around the upper portion of my leg.

"Okay, Darrel. You stand over there and, Pony, you walk to your brother."

It wasn't a long distance, but I still gulped with fear. Darry smiled at me and I took up strength to go to him.

I felt shaky by the time I got to him, but he just grinned proudly at me.

"Perfect. Absolutely perfect." I saw a tear roll down his cheek before he embraced me in a tight hug.

"I'm so proud of you," he whispered against my hair.

I walked back to the table and held on as Dr. Reardon helped me with my jeans. Then I sat down on the table and waited for Dr. Reardon to finish the paper work so we could leave.

I couldn't contain my excitement. Once I was here and had seen it I could let myself get excited. I knew now that it wasn't just a dream, that I wasn't just believing and wishing for something that would never happen.

My smile spread widely across my face as I looked down at my prosthesis. It did look believable. Still smiling, I looked across the room at Darry. He was smiling about as widely as me. I could see the pleasure on his face. I couldn't believe this was really happening to me. It didn't seem possible.

It all started with a fight between me and Darry. Then Johnny murdered Bob. Then we ran away. Then there was my heroic moment when I saved the kids from the church (as did the firemen; we saved all but one, which I could never forget). Then tragedy struck when the lower half of my left leg was amputated. Then there was months of pain, grief, fear, and uncertainty. And now this: the silver lining to my storm cloud. I didn't think there was anything but blackness to my cloud. Then the sparkling rays of silver shone through. And for a while I thought it to be a hallucination of my over-worked mind. It didn't seem like I'd be able to have something as good as this.

Though there were still some darks spots of fear and hesitancy on my silver lining, I was prepared now to face this new opportunity. There would be no easy way to do this. I didn't expect things to go perfectly; nothing in my life has.

Darry and Soda would be there and so would Rose and the gang. I'd have my support system through them, for which I was thankful. I couldn't imagine trying to do it without them.

Once I would get through the hard part, I could finally move on... just never forget.

**Johnny's POV**

Knowing Pony would be home with his prosthesis by now, I decided to walk to the Curtis house. I couldn't imagine all the emotions Pony must be feeling right now. I didn't know much about it, but I knew it would change things for Pony forever.

I was glad I had gotten to talk so closely to Steve a few days ago. He had been through an awful lot. I should have known not to get too in depth about my life. I had been wrong to talk about it so much, though Steve assured me I wasn't doing anything wrong.

I especially know how hard life can be. Steve knew his fair share of troubles. All of the gang did. I think it is part of why we are so close. Our hardships have brought us closer. We all know what it's like to be treated unfairly and how it feels to lose someone. We all felt the loss of the Curtis parents. They'd been a part of our family, too. Steve had already lost his mom by then so he knew what they were going through. I think he was a big support for Soda after that and it brought the two even closer.

I should have known it wasn't a smart idea to walk along the streets by myself. I hadn't even realized I would be walking by it until I was right in front of it.

I turned and faced my childhood home. It caught my attention because I heard a loud voice coming toward me. It was familiar. It wasn't yelling at me, but I looked anyway.

My father came walking - well, staggering - toward me. He was screaming at my mother over his shoulder. When he turned around to face forward, he saw me. Our eyes locked and I felt a chill run through my veins.

"What are you doing here? Didn't I tell you to stay away?"

"I-" I couldn't begin to tell my father anything. I knew what I should say but the words died on my lips.

"What? Are you just stupid or something?"

I was able to shake my head no as he came even closer. I could smell the alcohol on his breath so I decided to back up.

I was paralyzed. There was nothing I could do, though. My body refused to work

"Get out of here! Don't you get it? We don't want you!" Dad screamed as he threw his fist at my face. Luckily he was too drunk to have good aim. My body started working again and I ran.

If I had been thinking clearly, I would have run to the Curtis' house. I wasn't thinking, though, and I was too shaken to care.

I ran back to April and Michael's house. I knew I couldn't go inside, though. April would ask questions. I was too shaken for her not to notice. So I went in the backyard and crossed a small bridge that was laid over a think creek. I walked part way into the woods, going up and then down a large hill so that I was unseen from April's view.

I grabbed my knees as I doubled over. I threw up as my stomach heaved.

Tears sprang to my eyes needlessly. I knew my parents didn't want me. I didn't want them. Why should I care?

It was official now, though. I was an unwanted child. Eventually April and Mike would give up on me, too. I'd be alone. I'd be on my own. There would be no one left to take care of me, not that there had been before April and Mike.

Unwanted. It made me feel so alone. I sank to my knees and cried. The one word still echoed in my head, taunting me with its meaning.

Unwanted. Unwanted. Unwanted. Unwanted.


	15. Wanted

Soda could hardly believe it. Pony looked wonderful. He could see his younger brother was greatly affected by his prosthesis. He couldn't remember Pony looking so happy.

Darry also noticed the positive change in his brother. He couldn't be more proud of Pony. His little brother had come so far. This was the last journey to recovery. He'd be back to his old self soon with only a few scars to show for it. Things were beginning to look up for them.

Pony showed off for Soda and Darry. Joy radiated from him. He had hoped Johnny would come over, but he was happy enough entertaining his brothers.

When the phone rang, he immediately offered to get it. Darry and Soda grinned at each other as Pony up got up to get the phone.

"Hello?" Pony cheerfully answered the phone.

"Hi, is this Ponyboy?"

"Yes. Who is this?" Pony was surprised someone was asking for him.

"This is April, Johnny's foster mom. Is he over there?"

"No, I haven't seen him all day."

"Oh." Something in her voice scared Pony.

"What? Is something wrong?"

"I-I haven't seen Johnny in over an hour. The last I saw him he said he was going to your house. Oh, dear."

"It's okay. We'll look for him."

"Would you? Oh, thank you. I'll call the other boys and see if they've seen him. If someone has, I'll make sure you know."

At the frightened, pale look on Pony's face, Soda and Darry exchanged worried glances.

"That'll be fine."

"Let us know if you find him."

"We will. Bye."

"Good-bye."

Pony dropped the phone to its cradle and then he himself dropped to the floor. Darry and Soda quickly moved to their brother, worried about the sudden change in attitude.

"What is it, Pony? What's wrong?"

"Johnny is missing."

"What?" Soda feared that. A Greaser like Johnny didn't go missing for no reason. If there was a reason, it probably wasn't good news.

"April said he's been gone over an hour. He was supposed to be here. I haven't seen him all day."

"Oh, no."

"Let's go look for him." Pony stood shakily and picked up his crutches.

"Are you okay, buddy?" Darry asked.

"I'm fine. Let's go."

Pony wasn't fine. He was terrified. Greasers who went missing usually weren't found in one piece. He tried to convince himself that Johnny would be fine. He'd only been missing an hour. He'd be fine. But Pony didn't believe it

* * *

"What?" 

Garth looked up after he heard his son scream into the phone. Elisabeth sat beside him and both looked at Steve worriedly.

"I haven't seen him... I'll get right on it. Bye."

Steve hung up the phone and headed to his room to get hi shoes. After a quick glance at Elisabeth, Garth followed his son.

Steve was tying his shoes when his father walked in.

"Steve? Is everything all right?"

"Johnny's missing." Steve stood and headed out his room past his father.

"Oh, no."

"I'm going to go look for him. I don't know how long I'll be. Don't wait up." Steve wasn't planning on stopping until he found his friend  
or someone else did.

Elisabeth, having heard that Johnny was missing, said, "We can help."

"Yes. I'll get my coat."

"No, Dad, it doesn't matter. You wouldn't care anyway."

"Steven." Garth grabbed Steve by the shoulder. "Of course I care. I care because you care."

"Steve looked in his father's eyes, searching for some truth.

"Really?"

"Really. I'll stop by some of my coworkers' houses."

"And I'll check with my girlfriends. We'll find him." Elisabeth gave him a reassuring smile.

"Thanks. You know what he looks like?"

"I do. I'll fill Elisabeth in. You can go."

"All right. Thanks, guys!"

Steve first headed to Buck's. When he passed people on his way there, he would stop and ask them about Johnny. He feared for his friend. He feared Johnny had been beaten worse than the last time the Socs got him.

Steve first talked to Buck and asked him to ask people who came in about Johnny. Steve hadn't seen Dallas sitting at a corner table playing poker. Perhaps he was hidden by the cloud of smoke, partially coming from the cigarette hanging out of his mouth. Dallas watched Steve and when he caught a piece of what he was saying, he left the table.

"What's going on?" he asked gruffly when he came up to Steve.

" Dallas! Good. We need your help. Johnny's missing."

"What?"

"April says she hasn't seen him in a couple of hours. He was supposed to go to the Curtis' house, but he never showed. Help us look."

"I'm on it."

Dallas left Buck's in search of Johnny. He took the hard job. He searched the alleyways. Though he prayed he'd find his friend, he didn't want it to be here.

The haunting memory of his friend Parker from New York came to him. The two had been inseparable friends. Much like tonight, Parker had gone missing. And because of the outcome, Dallas hoped he wouldn't be the one to find Johnny, not if it was a repeat of what had happened to Parker.

Dallas had been the first to notice his friend's disappearance. He searched for his friend for only four hours before he found him. Dallas wished he hadn't.

Parker had been cut and beaten to death. Dallas found him in a puddle of his own blood, already dead. He had been tossed behind a dumpster where no one would see him. Dallas had, though. He'd seen far too much.

Desperately he fought for comfort. He'd gone through denial and depression. He needed comfort, solace to get him out of his depressive state. The only person he had to give him that was his father. His over-alcoholic, nonexistent father didn't give him that. Dallas had to be his own comfort. But he didn't give himself that. He got mad, got hard. Slowly his younger, carefree self disappeared. A few years later he would go to Tulsa, Oklahoma without his father.

Dallas prayed that wouldn't be the case this time. He wouldn't be able to handle that.

Seeing a lone figure at the end of an alley, Dallas approached the person.

"You know Johnny Cade?"

"The kid who killed a Soc? Yeah, I know who he is."

"You seen him today?"

"Maybe. I ain't gonna tell you, though."

Grabbing the man by the front of his shirt, Dallas shoved him hard against the brick wall behind him.

"If you know something about him, you'd better tell me or I swear to God, I will kill you!" Dallas screamed as anger tore through him.

"I-I don't know anything!"

"You lyin' to me?" Dallas shoved him again, causing the man to hit his head hard against the wall.

"No! I don't know anything!"

Dallas pulled him off the wall and then shoved him to the ground for good measure.

"That better be the truth."

"It-it is."

"Good."

Dallas left the alley and moved on to others in search of Johnny.

* * *

Two-Bit feared for Johnny's life. It was never good for a Greaser to be out alone. Knowing what could happen to a kid like Johnny, Two-Bit couldn't help but fear the worst. 

He and his mother were also on the search for Johnny. Two-Bit had even seen the Shepard's gang and convinced them to help. Well, they had said they'd keep an eye out for him.

Later in the search, the majority of the gang caught up with each other. Dallas never showed up. Everyone explained where they'd looked so they wouldn't waste time going over the same area twice.

Pony was worried to the point that he was sick to his stomach and exhausted. Two-Bit could see the worry and exhaustion on his friend's face.

"How you holdin' up there, Ponyboy?" he asked with a gentle smile.

"I'm okay." His stump ached from all the walking. He was half-tempted to take it off and carry it instead, which would prove difficult with his crutches. He kept it on, though.

Darry wrapped a protective arm around Pony's shoulder. "We'll find him."

Pony shivered at the idea that they wouldn't. What if they did and he was hurt again? Johnny wouldn't survive that. Pony shivered again.

"You could, Pony? Maybe we should drop you off at home," Darry suggested.

"No. We need to keep looking."

"Hard as nail as ever, huh, kid?" Two-Bit grinned at Pony and got a small smile in return.

"Let's keep looking, guys," Steve said, calling everyone back to the task at hand.

Soda paired up with Steve for the rest of the time. Two-Bit was left alone, but, since after dark, all agreed it would be safer to look in pairs. If Two-Bit saw his mom or Dallas, he would stay with one of them.

A while later, Pony and Darry were still searching. Pony felt exhaustion sink in and he stopped for a moment without warning. Darry turned around when he continued on without Pony a few steps.

Pony was sitting on the sidewalk rubbing his left leg.

"Pony? You okay?" He sat beside his brother so he wouldn't feel rushed.

"I just needed to take a break."

"We're going to find him, you know." Darry reached out and squeezed his brother's hand.

"I hope so."

"Don't hope. Know that we'll find him."

Pony leaned against Darry and sighed. He needed the reassurances.

A police car pulled up beside them and Darry stood. Pony felt his pulse quicken.

"Are you some of the boys who were looking for Johnny Cade?"

"Yes, sir. Is there news?"

"He's home. He's all right."

Darry and Pony looked at each other with happy smiles on their faces.

"Thank you, officer."

"Take care now."

Pony stood and smiled happily at Darry.

"I told you!" Darry screamed as he picked Pony up and swung him around and into a hug. Pony laughed joyously.

"Let's go tell the others!"

Soon the gang all knew and headed in the right direction. Katherine went to look for Garth and Elisabeth to tell them as well.

Now having worry over Johnny off their minds, the gang noticed Pony's prosthesis. Pony didn't feel insulted because he hadn't noticed no one else had noticed.

Two-Bit was the first to see it. "You got your prosthesis?"

Pony smiled and nodded. Two-Bit tackled him.

"You little turkey! You mean you got it and you didn't tell me?" Two-Bit roughly messed up Pony's hair.

Congratulations and comments were given to Pony. Once the fear was gone, they all breathed easier. The gang quickly walked to Johnny's house, eager to see their friend who had caused them so much worry.

* * *

Johnny couldn't understand why he was so cold. He shivered as he blinked the sleep from his eyes. What he saw looked pretty familiar,  
but the realization that he shouldn't be sleeping outside any more hit him. This wasn't a year ago when he slept outside to avoid his parents. Now he was living with April and Michael. He shouldn't be outside. 

Slowly he realized that he had fallen asleep outside after seeing his father. It was after dark now, which explained why he was so cold. He got up unsteadily and made his way up the hill. From there, he could see the flashing red lights of police cars. Panic froze him until he  
got the nerve to move.

Cautiously he came around the corner of the house. He waited there to listen to what was being said between the police and April and Michael.

"We're doing everything we can to find your foster son, ma'am, I can assure you."

"It's been five hours! How can you have not found him by now?"

April's voice was full of panic and desperation, not really accusation.

"Sometimes it takes a while. We won't stop looking until he's found. I promise."

"Ma'am, you and your husband do understand there may be consequences to his disappearance, don't you?"

"Yes, but that doesn't matter now. We just want Johnny to be safe."

Johnny felt panicked. "No!"

All eyes turned to him as he ran up to them. April gave a small cry and met Johnny half way. She grabbed him in a fierce hug.

"Thank God you're okay," she whispered near his ear as her tears began to fall.

"Don't let them take me away. Please," Johnny begged as Michael came over to join them in a hug.

"What are you talking about, son?" Mike was confused.

Johnny turned to him and grabbed the front of Michael's shirt.

"Don't let them take me away! I want to stay here with you! I can't go back. Let me stay! Please!" Johnny wrapped his arms around Mike's waist and cried. Mike looked over Johnny's head at his wife. She was beginning to cry again and Mike felt his own eyes moisten.

"We won't. It'll be okay, Johnny," Michael soothed Johnny as he stroked Johnny's back. It was the first real sign of affection Johnny had shown to him and he had given back.

"Where were you?" April asked when they parted.

"I was in the woods out back. I-I fell asleep."

The police officers joined them.

"Behind the house? How far back?" One questioned.

"Over the hill."

The younger officer looked sheepish. "I didn't look that far."

The older of the two gave him a stern look. "We'll call it a night then. We'll inform the others that he's okay."

"Thank you, officers." Michael shook their hands before they left.

April grabbed Johnny's arm and led him back toward the house.

"You must be cold. Let's get you inside. I'll make you some soup and sandwiches, all right? Your friends might come over too so I'll make some extras."

"My friends?"

"Why, of course, honey. We've got about half the town looking for you. I can't believe you were back there the whole time. Those boys have been worried something awful about you. What were you doing back there, anyway?"

Johnny didn't really want to talk about it. "I-I was upset about something and I needed to be alone for a while."

April smiled knowingly. "Okay. Well, when you want to tell me about what upset you, you let me know, okay?"

"Okay."

"Good." She smiled widely as she entered the kitchen area. Johnny sat at the table and soon April handed him a cup of hot tea. Greedily he drank the warm liquid. Michael came in a while later to tell Johnny he had a handful of visitors. He shot up and headed toward the living room.

"Johnny!" Pony was the first to tackle Johnny in a hug. He didn't move much faster with his prosthesis, but it didn't matter. He had been so worried about his friend.

"Step back. Let me see!" Johnny cried as he pushed Pony away from him. He looked down at Pony's left leg and smiled.

"It came! Pony, things are going to be so much better now."

Pony smiled, hoping Johnny was right. He was beginning to believe that things would be getting better now too.

Soon the others crowded around and hugged Johnny and patted him on the back. Dallas stayed back until the reunion was over.

Johnny looked to Dallas as he came over.

"Why'd you have to do something like that, stupid?" Dallas asked angrily.

Johnny hanged his head in shame. He hadn't meant to worry anyone.

Dallas saw the hurt and shame on Johnny's face. He hadn't meant for that to happen.

"Damn it, Johnny." Johnny looked up and this time Dallas grabbed him tightly in a hug.

Johnny smiled against Dallas' chest. He felt relieved that Dallas wasn't mad at him, just mad that he had gotten scared. But he also felt  
something else. Wanted.

"I've got soup almost ready and about a dozen sandwiches made if you're hungry, boys," April said as she walked in with her husband.

"Mind if we join you?" Garth Randle asked as he and his fiancée Elisabeth walked in with Katherine Mathews close behind.

"Of course! The more the merrier."

Introductions were passed around. Steve had let everyone know about Elisabeth by then. Now they met her face-to-face. Mike and April weren't familiar with the parents so it was new for them.

"Well, April, you wanted us all together. This is everyone," Johnny said to her with a grin.

"Yes, and I don't remember this house looking better. Mike, bring out some more chairs. We may need them."

"I'll help," Darry said, always willing to use his muscles.

April passed around sandwiches and then she, Elisabeth, and Katherine returned to the kitchen to fix more sandwiches and more soup.  
Thankfully, they had enough dishes.

The large group spent their time talking, swapping stores of their search for Johnny. They couldn't believe he had been so close the  
entire time. It got a good laugh from all of them.

Pony could remember a time before when a large group of them had gotten together. Then, two were missing and four weren't accepted into the family yet. Now the picture was complete. All were present and it felt right. All would remember this night for a long time to come and look back on it with a smile on their faces. The perfect meal consisted of a mixture of ham, turkey, and peanut butter sandwiches. No one cared. The people present were all who mattered. It was enough for all of them.

No one would complain because they were just happy to be together... as a family.

**See? That was better, wasn't it? I got it up much faster. Unfortunately, this is going to be an extremely busy week, so I don't know when I'll be updating. Hopefully by Saturday, but we'll see. It'll depend on when I get my Numb3rs story updated.**

**You know, if I could go back in time, I would SO make this be the ending of the story. But, it's not! There is more to come, but, sadly, not much more. :-( This one will probably end soon. Don't you hate it?**


	16. Wedding Bells Are Ringing!

**Pony's POV**

Everyone in the gang was invited to Garth and Elisabeth's wedding. I was putting on my prosthesis that morning. Darry and Soda were busy getting ready as well.

By now I didn't have as much problems getting dressed. Actually, it was coming rather easily. I still hadn't tried walking without my crutches, but today I felt ready.

Darry was sitting in the arm chair and Soda was standing against the wall, looking anxious, when I walked in. Soda turned his head and looked at me. A smile spread across his face when he saw me.

"Darry," he said to get his attention.

Darry lowered the paper and looked at Soda. With a nod in my direction, Soda directed Darry's attention to me. He turned his head to look at me and smiled, too.

"I'm ready," I said as I walked close to Soda.

"I'd say," Darry said in reply.

I walked a few steps more and stumbled. I reached out to catch myself, but still managed to fall hard to the floor.

Soda quickly reached out and pulled me up. Darry stood to see if I was okay. I felt miserable.

Soda pulled me to a standing position and hugged me. "I'm still proud of you, kiddo."

I managed to keep from crying out of anger, frustration, and embarrassment.

"You okay?" Darry asked as he lightly touched my arm.

"Yeah." I nodded solemnly as I went back to my room to get my crutches.

When I came back, it was still too early to leave so we sat down and watched TV. After a while, Darry turned to me and spoke.

"You know, that outfit would look a lot better with a tie, don't you think, Soda?"

Soda smiled and nodded.

"Come with me."

I followed Darry into his room and he pulled one of Dad's old ties out. It was a simple navy blue, but it went well with the light blue shirt I was wearing.

I lifted up my collar and wrapped the tie around my neck. I'd seen Darry and Dad do it a hundred times, but I didn't know how to tie a tie myself. I started to tie it, just so I didn't look dumb, but apparently, I was already messing it up.

"Here. Didn't anyone teach you how to tie a tie?"

Once the statement was out, we both seemed to freeze. Dad had taught Soda and Darry, but not me. I was thirteen when they died and before now I didn't have a real need to wear one. It was one more thing I was cheated out of because of my parents' deaths.

"Watch me." Darry slowly undid his tie and redid it to show me. He took it step by step, but when I tried it myself, I still had a bit of trouble after the first few steps.

"Just like this." Darry stood behind me and reached around to guide my hands. I watched it in the mirror so I could see how it would look and how I was doing it.

"There. It's perfect," Darry said when we were finished.

I smiled at my reflection in the mirror. It didn't look bad, like I expected it to. It made me look older, more mature.

Darry put a hand on my shoulder. "You look great."

I looked up at him over my shoulder and smiled back at him.

"Come on."

We walked back into the living room and Soda looked at me and whistled one high note.

"Lookin' sharp, man. Did Darry show you how to do it right?"

"Yeah."

"Good." Soda grinned widely and, as usual, I had to smile back.

"You think we're ready now?"

"Sure."

"Let's go then."

We walked out together and got in the truck. It didn't go very well with our attire, but it suited us fine. We were all dressed in our best clothes. I thought we looked pretty perfect riding together, dressed our best, and riding in a beat up old truck.

**Soda's POV**

Steve was to be the best man and I was the best man to the best man. Actually, I was supposed to be an usher, but Steve said he wanted me to stand with him. I could tell this was greatly bothering him and I was happy to be of some comfort to him.

It was a big step for him. I was proud of how well he was handling it. I knew his mom was a sensitive subject for him. I rarely talked to him about her unless he was first to bring it up.

Steve reassured me several times before the ceremony that he was okay. I had a hard time believing him, though. He looked paler than usual and always seemed to have a forced smile on his face. I didn't understand what he was going through, but I hoped I could be able to support him.

Darry and Pony were sitting in an aisle with the rest of the gang and their family. It was strange seeing the additions to it. I was relieved that Johnny wasn't taken away from his foster parents. From what I could tell, they were really nice people and I knew Johnny deserved that.

Mrs. Mathews had always been around, but never as close. It wasn't so much her as it was Two-Bit's fault. He hadn't been close to his family, so they weren't close to him. After Molly died, he and his mother became much closer. I was happy he had found happiness through his remaining family.

I had to smile when I looked at Dallas. He looked like he could really use a cigarette and he wasn't dressed any different than usual. Nothing bothered him. He didn't go out of his way to impress anyone. You had to admire him for that. Nothing had really changed him. He had gone through a long rough patch but he came out the same old Dallas, unless some changes were unseen.

My smile widened as my eyes reached the group. Darry and Pony had definitely changed. The three of us had been through a lot. Most of the changes centered around Pony, but I knew others had taken place. The one I was most pleased with was the closeness between Darry and Pony. It seemed now I hardly ever had to come between them to be the peacemaker. I enjoyed that difference.

Pony had gone through more than one person deserved. I hated how much pain and struggle he'd had to go through, but it was obvious now that it made him stronger.

All attention, including my own, suddenly focused on the end of the center aisle as Elisabeth made her way toward us.

After stealing a quick glance at Steve, I returned my attention to her, silently hoping Steve was okay.

**Steve's POV**

I was okay. I kept telling myself that, but I truly wasn't. I didn't know what to think. My stomach was in knots as I watched my soon-to-be stepmother come down the aisle.

I had a hard time trying to get the idea around my head that she would be joining my family. I tried to tell myself she didn't belong, but when I thought of how happy she makes my father, I knew this was where she needed to be.

Not that my father deserved more happiness than me, I thought bitterly. But, as seemed to be happening lately, I knew I was being unfair to my father. I tried to see us having equal share of pain and sorrow. He had lost his wife and control over his life. I had lost my mother, and the family I had loved dearly.

Who was more worthy of happiness? I would never wish pain on someone I care about, but my father had put me through a lot through my life. Didn't I deserve to be happy, too?

That was the part I struggled most with. Who deserved to be happy more? I could argue both sides, but I knew I sounded selfish when I argued in favor of myself. Was it fair? Was I able to be the one to make that decision?

I closed my eyes as the words reached my ears. Maybe I deserved to be happy more, but I wouldn't be the one who'd be happy today.

"I, Elisabeth Marie Manning, take you, Garth Mason Randle, to be my lawfully wedded husband..."

"I, Garth Mason Randle, take you, Elisabeth Marie Manning, to be my lawfully wedded wife..."

Trying to ignore those words, I concentrated on something else. This couldn't be happening. Wasn't I just as worthy, if not more, of having joy in my life? What was the difference? Who made this decision? It sure as hell wasn't me.

When I felt a light touch to my arm, I turned my attention back to the present. I had to walk Elisabeth's maid of honor down the aisle. She was pretty, but much too old for me.

Soda walked behind me. I was glad because if I fell he'd be there to catch me. He always was. I didn't know what I'd do if I didn't have him there for my support.

Solemnly I walked down the aisle. I never looked to the side, never wavered in my stance. I had to be hard as stone. There was no way I'd show my weakness.

During the reception, there was a point w here I had to get away. I couldn't stay in that room, meeting my new "family." It wasn't right. I  
haven't had a real family in almost ten years. That wouldn't change because of one night. I wouldn't allow those strangers into my life so  
easily.

I was thankful that I thought to bring a pack of cigarettes. I sat outside the small church and leaned against its side. I lit up a  
cigarette and smoked it in the dark.

I wasn't surprised when Soda came out and sat by me

"Cigarette?" I offered.

"No thanks."

I continued to stare up at the starry sky. It was a moonless night so the sky was shown brightly. I never cared much for just sitting and  
looking at things. Now I just wanted to get away from the overly crowded room.

"You okay, man?"

"I guess, man. I don't know, though. This whole things has gotten me all mixed up." I flicked my cigarette and continued to stare ahead.

"About what?"

I took a long drag on my cigarette and then turned to Soda.

"Soda, how do you think certain things are decided, like who our parents are, what we look like, who gets to be a Soc and who gets to be a Greaser? Why did I deserve to be a Greaser whose mother killed herself and whose father was a drunkard? Was it some early sin I  
committed? Did one action seal the fate of my future?

"Why does my father deserve this new joy? Was he forgiven for his dishonesties and not me? Why does he get the happy life when his  
happiness means my misery? I don't get it, Soda."

Soda's brown eyes looked thoughtful as he concentrated on my words. I could practically see the wheels turning in his brain.

"Those are some huge questions, man. You can't expect me to have the answers."

"I don't need facts. I want your opinion. What do you think, not what do you know."

Soda sighed and took a long moment to gather his thoughts.

"I don't think any thing happens to us just because of what we deserve. I can't think of anything Darry, Pony, and I have done that would make us deserve to have out parents killed. No. I can't believe that. I refuse to.

"The only thing I can say is that I don't know why these things are chosen to happen. I know it's not based on what we deserve. I just have to believe that there's a reason these things happen, even if we don't always find out why.

"I also know that our future cannot be sealed b y one act. Our future changes over time as we make changes within ourselves. No one can tell you that you will do one thing. That doesn't happen. You can't judge what your future holds today when it may change tomorrow."

Soda stood and patted my shoulder. "I wouldn't worry too much."

"Thanks." I smiled weakly at him before he left.

When the door reopened a few minutes later, I wasn't sure who to expect. I was definitely surprised when it was Elisabeth this time.

"Hi. I was wondering where you ran off to. I was hoping I'd find you out here."

She had a long cape on to cover her dress, so it wasn't ruined when she sat down on the grass beside me. She hadn't gone all out with a  
dress, like I had expected, but she wore a simple white dress that covered her well and still flattered her features. It wasn't worth ruining by sitting by me.

"You want one?" I offered her a cigarette, just to be polite.

"No thank you."

"You care if I smoke?"

"No, no. Go right ahead."

"Thanks."

We sat in silence for several minutes before either one spoke again.

"Are you okay, sweetie? You seem... I don't know, angry or something."

"You could say that." I cringed over the word "sweetie."

"What's wrong? I know you think you have no reason to talk to me, but I know it has something to do with me. Please, tell me."

I sighed. "I don't know either. It's not you, well, not you personally. I just... I don't like the idea of having someone take the  
place of my mom."

"And you shouldn't. But I'm not trying to take the place of your mom. I told you that early on."

"I know, but that's still how it feels. It's just you're not her and yet you're still going to be my stepmom. I've lived without her for  
almost seven years now. It won't be easy getting used to having you around. It was weird enough having Dad back. I-I don't know what to think of you yet. Don't take it personally."

"Don't worry. I don't. You know, Steve, I was in a similar predicament once myself."

"Sure," I said sarcastically.

"I'm serious, Steven."

Something in her eyes made me believe her, so I stayed silent, waiting for her to continue.

"My mom was depressed, all the time. I don't remember seeing her happy in my life. After a while, Dad couldn't take that any more so he left her... but he didn't take me with him. He didn't take me or my little brother."

I had to stop a moment to think about which family members I had met. I couldn't remember meeting either parent.

"I kept pretending she was happy. I was thirteen when he left, so I was old enough to help take care of my brother. We had a lot of fun together, but when we saw Mom, it made us upset. I knew I couldn't help her, and that bothered me.

"She didn't kill herself like your Mom did. In ways I think that would have been better for her. She lives in a psychiatric ward now. I haven't seen her in ten years."

"Why?"

"It got to be too much for me. I decided to put her there and things got better. Now Jeremy - my brother - and I are free of her. We don't have to worry about trying to make her happy. I always wanted to, but it never happened."

I looked down at my hands. I felt sorry for her. I wasn't exactly used to that. It sounded similar, but my situation still seemed different.

"What about your dad?"

Elisabeth smiled. "He's rich and important with hundreds of women who adore him. I talked to him this year, but we're not exactly close."

She scooted a little closer and placed a hand on my forearm.

"You know, you're really lucky to have your father back. I know the story, I know what he's done and I forgive him for it. I hope you have, too. I missed my father very much. If he had come back when I was your age, I still would have welcomed him back with open arms because I needed him. I wanted my father back. I hope you appreciate how hard it was for him to return to you when he felt so guilty for what he's done to you and your mother. And I hope you know how much he really loves you."

She leaned over and kissed my cheek, then stood.

"I'm going back in now. I hope you do soon, too."

I didn't. I spent the rest of the time out there. Too many thoughts clouded my mind. I didn't want to leave these thoughts unattended for a moment. I had too much to think about.

However, before the night was over, I went in and made sure I talked to Jeremy Manning.

**Hey, guys. I know, again I'm late. It's horrible. I'm sooooooo sorry! I should do something to make up for it, but I don't know what.**

**Thanks for still sticking with me. OMG! I can't believe I almost didn't tell you! "What If Johnny Hadn't Gone into the Burning Church" has been nominated for an award! YAY! I'm excited!**

**Someone send me a message to remember to write about Andy in a few days. I forgot about him! I have a letter to write for Johnny from Andy so you guys know what happens to him!**


	17. Broken Happiness

Johnny smiled brightly as he read the words of his friend's letter.

_Dear Johnny,_

_How are you? I'm doing great! My parents have gotten to visit a lot and they're not mad at me. I'm so happy! I should be able to get out soon. I can't wait._

_My new roommate is okay. He's not mean to me, but he ignores me a lot. I don't think I'll get one as good as you, John. You were the best. I miss you._

_I hope everything is going well with you and your friends. Maybe some day I'll get to meet them._

_I've been reading Tom's journal a lot. It helps pass the time. He seemed to be a really cool person. I'm glad my life hasn't been as bad  
as his was._

_The guilt hasn't gone away, but it's better. I still haven't forgotten and I don't think I ever will._

_Your friend,_

_Andy_

Johnny had kept contact with his friend from juvie. It was nice hearing from Andy. He had worried about his friend after he had left. He was happy that the two hadn't lost contact.

"Johnny, could you get my stationary out of my bedroom, please? It's in the top drawer," April asked from the kitchen.

"Okay." Johnny stood and went into April and Mike's room. Rarely had he come into this room. He walked to the drawer against their bed and opened the top shelf. Seeing the stationary, Johnny picked it up and started to leave. However, something caught his eye.

Turning back to the drawer, Johnny pulled out the corner of a black and white object. Once it was fully out, he saw that it was a picture. In it were Michael and April... and a little boy.

Since curiosity was getting the best of him, Johnny pushed a few miscellaneous items away and got to the level of things the photograph was with. He found a small box there. Opening it, he found a small, red car. Also, there was a pile of drawings and a dried up old leaf. Johnny could only suspect that the child was a relative, but he mostly assumed that it was their son. If so, where was he now?

Johnny quietly lifted the box and underneath it was a yellowed piece of newspaper. Lifting it to his view, Johnny covered his mouth in shock. It was an obituary.

"Jacob Alan Baker, age seven of Tulsa, died in a car accident. He leaves behind his parents, Michael and April, who were also in the car  
accident but received minor injuries. Funeral services will be held Monday, June 25, 1959, at Morgan Funeral Homes. No visitations will be held."

Johnny gasped out a sob after reading those few lines. They'd had a son. He had never asked his foster parents why they had chosen to  
foster him. Their son's death had been almost ten years ago now. Their son would have been Johnny's age. He felt goose-bumps rise on his arm.

"Did you find it?" April called.

"Y-yeah," Johnny shakily called back.

He delicately folded the article and slipped it in his pocket. He replaced things as best as he could before taking the stationary to April.

"Here." Quickly, Johnny headed for the door.

"Thanks, sweetheart. Where are you off to in such a hurry?"

"To see Pony."

"Okay. Have fun!"

Johnny felt sick to his stomach. This couldn't be happening. Was this some sort of sick replacement scheme? Did they choose Johnny because that's what they thought Jacob would have looked like, been like? He felt a sick tightening in his stomach at the idea.

It made sense, though. People didn't just want to take care of a messed up teenager. Why else would they?

Like he had said, Johnny went to see Pony at his house. This time, he was too lost in thought to even notice when he walked past his old  
house.

Pony was the only one home when Johnny burst through the door. His brothers were still at work and he'd just gotten home from school. He was walking without his crutches.

"Hey, Johnny. Are you all right?" Quickly Pony changed expression. He had been happy to see his friend, but something was definitely wrong. He could see it on Johnny's face.

"My gosh, Pony. I-I don't know where to begin."

"What is it?" Pony slowly stepped closer to Johnny. He led his friend to the couch.

"Read this." Johnny reached in his pocket and withdrew the obituary. After giving his friend a curious look, Pony read the small paragraph.

"Holy." Pony looked up at Johnny with wide eyes when he finished reading it.

"I know."

"They had a son?" Pony couldn't believe it.

"Apparently. Why didn't they tell me?"

"Where'd you get this?"

Johnny grinned sheepishly as a light blush crept over his face.

"April had me get some stationary out of their dresser. I found it underneath a picture of them with Jacob."

"That's too weird." Pony couldn't understand it. He felt sorry for them, but why hide it from Johnny?

"That's not the worst of it." Johnny paused to lick his lips nervously.

"What if they are fostering me to replace their son? Look at it. We're close to the same age! What if they want me to take over for their son? Maybe they never really wanted me at all and only did to pretend I'm the son they lost."

"No. Don't think that way. Maybe they just missed being parents."

"God, I hope you're right. It just... it really freaked me out."

Pony smiled reassuringly. "I understand. I'm sure they have a good explanation for this."

"Yeah, I hope you're right, man."

"Me, too." Pony clapped Johnny on the back.

Changing the subject, Johnny looked down at Pony's left leg, or, rather, his prosthesis.

"So, I see you're walking without your crutches."

Pony smiled proudly. "Yeah. I'm still kinda slow, but I've been doing pretty well. Johnny, you should see the kids at school. They don't know what hit them. At first no one seemed to believe it. Now, it's like I'm back to the old me. Isn't it wonderful?"

"Good for you, man! I'm happy for you."

"Thanks. So what's new with you?"

"Not much. Do you know how Steve is?"

Pony frowned. "Soda has been really worried about him, but he seems okay. He just doesn't talk to Soda enough."

"Well, it must be hard. When do Garth and Elisabeth get back from their honeymoon?"

"This Friday."

"That's when things will start getting messy."

"Yeah, I hate that."

"They seem really nice."

"Yeah, but you know Steve. He's not very trusting."

"He has reason to be that way." Johnny thought about how Garth had been before. He had ranked up their with Johnny's parents.

"I know. Johnny, do you know why the seven of us have had it so rough? I mean, it just doesn't make sense to me."

Johnny was thoughtful a moment, pondering his friend's question.

"I don't know, really. I have to assume that there is a reason for it. No one deserves to go through so much without a reason for it. Maybe it'll make us stronger, wiser. I know it's not just the gang who has had so many problems happen to them. I've met people who had it pretty rough, too. I think that each thing will have an impact on us as we get older. We're all awfully different, but those pains and struggles have made us closer."

Pony smiled. "I like the way you put it."

Johnny smiled back, happy he had made an impression. "Good."

After a while, Johnny stood and left, saying he had to go home. He promised Pony he'd talk to his foster parents about Jacob. That had to be cleared up.

Pony waited for his brothers to come home. Soda would be there soon, but Darry would be soon after. Darry was supposed to get off a little earlier than usual, having only to finish a project and then be done.

Soda looked tired, stressed, and worried when he came in. Again, Pony's attitude changed quickly upon his brother's entrance.

"What's the matter, Soda?" Pony asked.

"Nothing, kiddo. I'll be out back."

Pony feared for his brother. Rarely did Soda come in without even a "hello" to him. And he had seen the pack of cigarettes hanging out of his brother's shirt pocket. Something was definitely wrong.

Pony followed Soda out back. He barely flinched when Soda lit up a cigarette, but he definitely took notice of it.

"What's going on, Soda?" Pony sat by his older brother and stared up worriedly at him.

"Nothing, buddy. I'm fine."

"Liar."

Soda rolled his eyes in annoyance at me. "Trust me. I'm fine."

"Come on, man. Talk to me." Pony nudged his brother with his arm.

Soda sighed. "Persistent, aren't you?"

"I learn from the best."

"Fine. Steve didn't come to work today."

"What? Why?" Steve never missed work unless it was an absolute emergency.

"I didn't know why until after work. I went to his house to check on him and he had gotten himself sick."

"How?"

"Apparently, last night he got all worked up over Garth and Elisabeth, so he went to his mother's grave."

Pony felt a slight blush rise in his cheeks. He hadn't visited his mom and dad in a while.

"Anyway, he fell asleep there and, as you know, it rained last night. Some how he managed to sleep through it. He was shivering in bed when I showed up."

"Is he okay?"

"I called Garth to let him know he's sick. Since they were just vacationing in Oklahoma City, they're on their way home now."

"I bet Steve didn't like that."

"No, he threw a fit. I don't remember being cussed out so badly."

"Are you two okay?"

Soda flicked the end of his cigarette into the grass. "No. He made me leave. If he remembers, we're not on good terms at the moment."

"Are you okay?"

"You've asked that enough, Pony. I'm fine."

"Then why are you smoking?"

Soda sighed and looked down at the cigarette he was taking out. "Is it that obvious?"

Pony smiled at him. "Yes."

"Fine, I'm not fine. But don't tell Darry."

At that moment, they heard the front door open and soon Darry appeared.

"I was wondering where you guys were. What's going on- Pony! Look out!"

Pony turned his head and saw what Darry was screaming about. A fire had started in a pile of dry leaves from Soda's cigarette. Though small, the sight terrified him. As quickly as possible, he stood and went to the house.

Darry, meanwhile, went straight to the fire, determined not to let it get to the house. He stomped on it, thankful he still had on his work boots. In a matter of minutes, he had put the fire out.

Pony was giving quiet shrieks of fear when Darry was finished. Soda stood close with the hose in his hands. By the time he had gotten it hooked up, the fire was out.

"Oh, my God, Pony, I am so sorry. Are you okay, kiddo?" Soda went to his brother and held him close as Pony shook with great fear.

Darry came closer to his brothers, wincing as a stinging pain shot at his leg. He must have gotten burned.

"What the hell was that all about? Soda, what were you thinking?"

"I'm so sorry, Darry. I thought it'd be okay. I never meant for that to happen."

"That was too dangerous, Soda! You could have gotten one of us killed, or worse, caught the house on fire!"

"Darry, I don't really need this right now." Pony could feel Soda tense as he said that.

"I'm sorry that doesn't fit into your schedule. I'll yell at you when you do have time!" The sarcasm was overwhelming.

"Shut up!"

Soda took off into the house, leaving his silenced brothers behind.

"Are you okay, buddy?" Darry asked after a while.

Pony nodded, though shaking still. "You should have yelled at him."

"Well, I had reason to, but apparently, something else is up. I'll go talk to him." Pony followed Darry to Soda.

Soda was in their room and he was in the process of punching the wall.

"Hey, hey. Cool it, Soda," Darry said when he came in and found his brother punching the wall.

Soda grunted loudly and hit the wall again.

"Soda! Stop it!" Darry could see his younger brother was hurting himself by his bruised knuckles and the smeared blood on the wall.

Ignoring his older brother, Soda continued hitting the wall.

Darry went quickly to his brother and pulled him away from the wall. Soda fought him off, but failed, even after landing a solid punch to his brother's chin.

"Soda! Soda! Stop!" Darry pleaded with his brother as he tightened his grip on Soda.

With a whine, Soda began to cry. He crumpled in his brother's arms as Pony looked on in fear.

"Sh, sh. I've got you, little buddy. You're okay."

Darry turned his brother over and held him tightly. Soda grabbed onto Darry in a fierce grip as he began to sob.

"Sh, sh. It's okay." Darry slowly moved them to the bed and Pony dared to join them. Pony didn't know what to say. He wasn't used to seeing Soda so upset. It wasn't like his older brother.

"What's the matter, little buddy? What's going on?" Darry felt concern when his brother seemed so broken. It wasn't like his happy brother. Something was definitely wrong.

"I-I don't know. It's just too, too much. Steve is mad at me and I can't help him. He needs someone right now, but he won't let me in. I-I-I can't take not helping him. I need it as much as he does. T-today I-I saw an accident by the DX and I had to give a statement to the police. One of the people in the crash died and I saw them being taken out. It-it was horrible. All I could think about was how that must have been how Mom and Dad looked after their accident. Then I got home and I started a fire and you yelled at me. I just, I couldn't take it anymore."

Soda grabbed a section of Darry's shirt as he cried harder. Darry kept a strong hold on his brother and Pony reached out to rub his brother's back comfortingly.

"I'm sorry, Pony. I didn't mean to scare you," Soda said when he got some control of himself.

"It's okay." Soda hugged Pony tightly, whispering another round of apologies in his ear.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you, little buddy," Darry said when it was his turn for a hug.

"You didn't know. I deserved it anyway."

"Not after the day you've had."

Soda chuckled softly. "I guess you're right."

"How's your hand?" Though Darry took Soda's hand gently in his, Soda still winced.

"Buddy, this looks pretty bad."

Blood was spilling down his knuckles and already they were bruising a dark purple color. His knuckles were also abnormally large from swelling.

"It hurts."

"I bet. You've got quite a punch." Darry rubbed his jaw where Soda had got him.

"I'm sorry." Soda hadn't meant to hurt his brother.

"Don't worry about it. I'm Superman, remember?"

Soda smiled. "Other than my hand, we're all okay?"

"Yeah."

"I am," Pony agreed.

"Good." Soda smiled.

"Soda, you go to sleep. I want you to take it easy."

"You won't hear any objections from me."

"Good. Sleep well." Darry hugged Soda before getting up to leave.

"Are you okay, kiddo?" Soda asked Pony, knowing that seeing the fire had to have been hard.

"Yeah. I'm all right."

"I'm glad. Well, if you'll excuse me, I have orders to fill."

"Okay. Sleep well."

"'Night."

Pony smiled as his brother got comfy. He hoped that would help. It wasn't easy for Soda to show he was feeling bad. If he did, he really deserved a nap.

* * *

That night, after dinner, Johnny asked to talk to his foster parents. He wasn't sure if he actually wanted to hear why they chose to foster him. He was going to talk to them first about why they chose to foster him, giving them time to tell him about Jacob without him asking. He hoped they'd tell him first.

"What's going on, Johnny? What do you need to talk to us about?" Michael asked once they were all sitting down at the table.

"I've been wondering why you chose to foster me. Could you tell me why?"

Michael and April shared a nervous look, and then turned back to their foster son.

"Well, son, we thought since we have enough to give that we should pass our extras on to someone needier. We figured our extra money and room would be well used with a foster child."

"No other reason? You never had any kids of your own?"

A flash of pain crossed their faces, but still they denied it.

"No. No, we never had any children," April said hoarsely.

"Look, guys, don't lie to me. I know about Jacob." Instant tears came to their eyes.

"You do?"

"Yeah, and I'd like to know if he has something to do with why you chose to foster me. Does he?"

April and Michael gave each other a long look.

"Well? Does he?"

**Success! I got a chapter up before it'd been a whole week. Oh, no! I left you with a cliff hanger, though! Bwahahaha! I'm so cruel. And I'll probably have to take longer than usual to update since I have finals next week and Thanksgiving this week. Oh, no. That was too cruel of me. Well, if any of you get too stressed over the cliffhanger, write to me later in the week when I'll probably have the rest of the cliff hanger written so you won't have to wait even longer. Notice I remembered Andy? Yay!**

**Have a happy Thanksgiving, everyone! Go nuts eating, just don't make yourselves sick!**


	18. Come Tomorrow

**Johnny's POV**

I waited for an answer as I stood heaving and staring at them. After they shared a long look at each other, they turned to me.

"Sit down, Johnny. Please." April's voice was shaky and serious, much unlike her usual tone.

I sat and continued to look at them, hoping for some sign as to why they were acting so serious.

"Apparently, you don't remember, but, um, you knew Jacob."

As if in a cheesy cartoon, I could almost feel my eyes pop out of my head. My pulse turned rapid and I could feel sweat break out on my forehead and palms.

"Wh-what?"

"You and Jacob went to school together for two years and, well, you became our second son. Jacob would come home and ask us questions like why you had a bruise on your cheek and why you never had a lunch. I started walking in with Jacob to check on you and I'd pack a lunch for you. You never said a word when I'd hand you a lunch, but there was a look in your eyes that was thanks enough."

I thought back and could vaguely remember them. I could remember that those were my better years in school. Jacob I didn't remember too well, but his mother's charity was still remembered well.

Mike spoke up. "After Jacob died, of course April didn't give you lunches anymore. Often we'd see you and there was always some guilt there. After we read about you in the newspaper, we knew something had to be done. We found out you were being put into foster care a few months later and we requested to be you foster parents."

I shook my head in disbelief. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"It didn't really matter, sweetie. You weren't put with strangers. You are with people who care about you. We always have, dear."

"Actually, it would have made a difference. I-I need to think about this, okay?"

I stood and went to my room, even though I heard April and Mike protest. I knew they meant well, but this... this just seemed like too much to take in at once.

I got out a clean pair of clothes and grabbed my pillow off my bed. I wasn't going to leave them for long, but I couldn't think about this with them around me. I decided to

go to Two-Bit's for the night.

When I walked out to the living room and April and Mike saw me with my things, they both stood.

"Wh-what are you doing?" April asked shakily.

"I'm going to Two-Bit's for the night."

"Is that necessary?" Mike asked.

"I believe it is."

"Oh, Johnny, please stay." April stepped forward.

"I'll be back some time tomorrow."

"Be careful."

"I will." April tried to hug me, but I backed away.

"I'll see you later."

I left the house and walked quickly to Two-Bit's house. Considering it was dark, I was thankful I made it there safely.

Two-Bit was there to open the door for me. He opened the door with a smile on his face, but it quickly vanished as he looked at me.

"Man, do I have a story for you."

**Steve's POV**

Jeremy didn't help me as much as I would have liked at Dad and Elisabeth's wedding. He gave me the same story I'd heard before from Elisabeth and Two-Bit. None had me totally convinced that I could be happy with Dad back in my life,

and definitely not that I'd be happy with Elisabeth.

I choked on a cough as I pulled the blankets tighter around me. My body radiated heat from my fever, but I was so cold.

I groaned when Elisabeth came into my room. They had arrived home from their honeymoon about three hours ago. In the times she came to check on me, I faked being asleep. Now, though, she caught me awake.

"Hi, Steve. How are you feeling?"

"Miserable." Mostly because you're here, I should have added.

"Aw, you poor thing. I have some soup on the stove if you'd like some."

Soup? Yeah, with a rolling stomach, that'd be perfect!

"No thanks."

"Okay. Can I get you anything?"

You can get the hell out of my room.

"No."

"Okay. Well, get some more rest. I'm sure you'll need it."

I moaned into my pillow when she left. I could kill Soda right now. I had had three more days of freedom and then he had to call them. I wasn't ready for them to come back. I was going to use this time to figure out how I would handle living with both of them and enjoy the last time without them.

I had rarely been mad at my best friend, but now I definitely was. It wasn't fair of him to get involved. It was just a cold. I'd be able to handle this on my own. He had no right to interfere.

I coughed again into my tissue, wincing as something came up with it. I felt horrible and I wished the medication would work better and faster.

Dad was next to come in. I'd found it impossible to fall asleep, which made me that much more miserable. Having "visitors" didn't make me any better, either.

"How you feeling, son?" he asked as he sawt down on the foot of my bed.

"Just wonderful. And how are you?" I rolled my eyes at him. How did he think I was feeling?

Dad smiled. "At least you have your sense of humor."

Yeah, and a lot good it did me, too.

"Can I do anything for you?"

"How about give me a solid blow to the head so I can get some sleep?"

Dad's face turned ashen and I felt bad for the joke. Having a conscience sucks.

"I'm... I'm afraid I can't do that for you."

"It was a joke, Dad."

"No. No, it wasn't. It's not funny. I'm not that person any more."

"I know that."

"Do you? I don't think you do. That's not something to joke about... ever."

"Sorry."

"Are you?" Gosh, could he not stop questioning me? "I don't think you understand. You say you do, but how can you? Steve, I've changed. But you refuse to see it. I can see how you're still distant, and I'm sure you hated the fact that Elisabeth and I came home early. I can't move on if you won't let me! Please, can't you let it go?"

If I wasn't sick, I would have hit him. "'Let it go?' How do you expect that? It's not just an automatic thing when you've taken over five years of my life and my mother from

me! Don't think this is an easy decision for me, because it sure as hell isn't. Is it not enough that I let you back in my life when you nearly killed me? In my opinion, that sure took a leap of faith. I'm happy that you haven't let me down yet, but that doesn't mean I'm going to stop being suspicious of you. I have a right to be, okay?"

Dad angrily stared at me. "Haven't I earned more credit than that? I came back! I quit drinking for God's sake! I'm here now. Can't we move on?"

I glared up at him, panting with rage. "Get out of my room."

Dad equally glared at me. After a few minutes, he stood and left without another word.

I had to take a moment to catch my breath, followed by a coughing fit. When I gathered the strength to get up, I opened my window and climbed out after putting on my shoes.

I'd be damned if I had to put up with their crap any longer.

**Two-Bit's POV**

When someone knocked on my door for the third time that night, I was getting a little suspicious. I opened up the door and found a sickly-looking Steve there. He collapsed when I opened the door, the door he had been leaning on. I caught him before he hit the floor and led him to the couch.

"What the hell is going on tonight?" Dallas and Johnny both got off the couch to make room for Steve.

Earlier, Dallas had arrived after he got in a fight with a Soc. Though he had won the fight, he had taken his fair share of a beating. He was taking it easy on the couch when Johnny came over with the story about April, Mike, and Jacob. It seemed unreal to me.

And now Steve. I wonder what his story is.

"Welcome to Two-Bit Mathews' Home for the Hopeless. How may I help you?"

"Real funny, Two-Bit." Steve ended his sentence with a coughing fit.

Mom wasn't home, unfortunately. She got called in for an extra shift at the diner. If she was there, she'd know how to make that cough go away. It's in a mother's blood.

"So? What's your reason for coming to us tonight?" I asked once the coughing had subsided.

"Dad. What else?"

"What happened?" I frowned with concern. Steve didn't need any more reasons to be mad at his father.

"Even if I was sick with pneumonia, he'd find something to hassle me about. He got after me because of one joke. I told him..." Steve stopped to cough. "I told him that he should give me a hard hit to the head so I could actually get some sleep. Then he went into this tirade about how I need to move on and forgive him. How easy does he think this is on me?"

"He should be grateful you're even giving him a chance. If I were you, I would have told him to get lost," Dallas commented.

"I know it must be hard for you, man. Are you all right?" I asked.

"No, of course not. My asshole of a father doesn't understand how hard this is for me. I'm confused as hell. I just...I don't know what to do and it's driving me crazy. I'm trying to make this work, but then Dad has to go and do something like this. What am I supposed to do? Damn Soda for calling them home early."

"What? What are you talking about?"

"Soda found me sick at home alone so he called them home from their honeymoon. I yelled at him and we haven't talked since."

I stood. "I'll be right back."

I went into my mom's room and dialed the Curtises.

"Hello?" Darry's gruff voice answered.

"Hey, Dar, it's Two-Bit. Look, the rest of the gang is here at my house. I think you guys should come over."

"Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, but you guys really should be here."

"O-okay. I'll tell Soda and Pony. We'll be over in a bit."

"Good. See you in a while."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I was glad that they'd be coming, too. The gang all needed to be here.

**Soda's POV**

I was worried about what Darry was talking about on the phone. I was stretched out on the couch after taking a long nap when the phone rang. I was glad that he got it because I was still a little groggy.

When Darry hung up and told me what was going on, I woke up pretty fast. Knowing that I'd go see Steve, I knew I'd have to be. I wondered why he was at Two-Bit's. He shouldn't be since he's sick. I had a feeling something was wrong, though and that scared me.

I waited on Pony and Darry, though my mind was telling me to run down the street before them. We drove in the truck since it was a cool night and we'd be late getting home. I was first out of the truck when we arrived. However, when I stepped through the Two-Bit's front door, my feet didn't want to work anymore.

Steve looked so miserable that I lost any anger toward him I had, except that I knew he shouldn't have gotten out of bed to come here. He was stretched out on the couch looking too weak to hold his head up. His eyes found mine when I walked in. I didn't see any anger there, thankfully, but I did notice something else and it frightened me.

There was such hopelessness in his eyes. I knew he had been having it rough, but this was his breaking point. I'd never seen my best friend reach this point before so I didn't know how I should handle it.

"What are you doing here?" he asked with no emotion in his voice.

"Everyone else is here. Shouldn't we be too?"

"I guess so."

Darry and Pony came in behind me. Darry gave everyone a smile and Pony looked around nervously, picking up on Steve's mood. He slowly made his way to Johnny and sat down beside him on the floor.

I walked over to Steve and held my hand out to him. "Come on. We need to talk."

Steve looked like he hated the idea of getting up, but I know he knew he had to. Maybe the rest of the gang could help some, too, but right now, it's personal.

I helped him walk to the kitchen where we could talk alone. He sank onto the chair I led him too and he breathed heavily as he struggled to remain sitting up.

"What happened?" I asked gently, discarding the things he had said to hurt me early. It was forgotten. My friend needed me. That was my top concern.

"Dad. He... he's so impatient. He's expecting me to be ready to forgive him by now. When he does that, it just makes me want to keep on hating him. I don't know what to do. I haven't for a while."

"It's going to be okay, man. I swear."

"I don't know when, though. That's what bothers me." Steve coughed loudly and then continued. "I just... I don't know what to do any more. It used to be my life consisted of just a few things. I had a job, an abusive and alcoholic father I stayed away from, and the gang. Now he's 'changed' and he's married and I see him every damn day. I haven't had two parental figures in my life since I was little. It's weird.

"Then there's this tension in the house. Elisabeth is afraid to talk to me too much because she knows I don't like her. Dad is walking on egg shells because he wants to stay in my good graces. And then there's me who tries to ignore them both, but can't.

"I want to forgive him, Soda. I do. But...I just don't know how when he keeps doing these things to me."

It was a tough situation. Having never been in a position like this, I couldn't honestly say what the right thing was that he could do. But I'd sure as hell try.

"Steve, I-I think what the problem is you haven't settled your opinion of your father. Is he evil, an idiot who ruined your life, and you don't want him in your life ever again? Or are you looking at him now as someone who came back when he didn't have to, who sobered up even though it was extremely difficult for him, and was humble enough to ask you back into his life?"

Steve's head drooped as he was lost in thought a moment. It couldn't be an easy separation of opinions.

"Can you let go of the past so you can have a future?"

Steve looked up at me with tears in his eyes. "I want to hate him."

"But you don't."

"He made me suffer."

"But you can forgive him."

"I don't want him in my life."

"But he is."

"Why do I have to forgive him? Why do I have to have him back in my life? Why can't I keep on hating him?"

I took a deep breath and leaned forward. "You can hate him, kick him out of your life, and never forgive him. But that's not what you want, is it? You never have wanted that. You just wanted your father. And now that you have him, you're not sure if you really did want him. Which way is it? Do you or don't you want him?"

Steve dropped his head down to his chest again and turned away from me. I could see a few tears slide down his face, leaving wet streaks behind.

"I want him in my life."

I smiled softly. "So you'll have to let the past go."

Steve sniffled, fighting his emotions away. "It's hard, though."

"I know. But you know what you want now. Isn't it worth it now?"

Steve turned his head back to me and gave me a blank stare, until a small light shone in his eyes. "I guess it is."

Steve wiped his eyes of any remaining tears and looked back at me again. "So... what do I do?" He cleared his throat when his voice came out a little higher than usual.

"Well, you tell you dad you're ready to have him back in your life and – considering this is true – you tell him that you forgive him for what he did in the past. And, as you should know, forgiving means forgetting. No bringing up as a comeback allowed."

Steve smiled slightly. "That'll be hard."

"I know, buddy. It is hard. But you'll get the job done. You'll feel a lot better afterwards, too."

"Thanks, Soda. You're too good to me. And, look, about earlier, I'm so sorry I yelled at you."

I shook my head. "Don't worry about it. I've already forgotten."

"Forgiven?"

I smiled. "Forgiven."

"Well, in that case, we'd better get back out there."

"Sounds good to me."

I helped Steve get up again and we made our way back into the living room with smiles on our faces. When we walked in, Two-Bit looked up and, seeing us looking happy, cheered.

"Yay! The gang's all here and we're all okay. Let's get this party started then. I'll get some popcorn."

"So what happened to you, Dal?" Pony asked when Two-Bit left.

"Ah, I just had a run in with some stupid Soc."

"I wonder who got the worst of it," Darry commented with a grin.

"Like you don't know. Dallas did, of course," I said and got the expected whack across my head.

"Shut up, pretty boy."

Soon Two-Bit was back with a bowl of popcorn and, of course, he turned on the TV to Mickey Mouse.

After a while, Steve fell asleep on the couch. Therefore, we had to start a game of "basketball. Of course, Steve's moth had to be the net.

"Hey, Pony, why you scratchin' that foot?" Two-Bit suddenly asked. I looked over and, sure enough, he was scratching the left foot of his prosthesis. I raised a brow in question.

Pony blushed as he looked down at his hands. "I-I sometimes still feel things in my left foot, even though it's not there."

"That's just freaky, man."

Pony chuckled at Two-Bit's comment.

Later, Johnny discussed his revealing information he'd received from his foster parents. By now, Steve was awake, having been awoken by a piece of popcorn getting lodged in his throat. We all gave our opinions and advice and Johnny seemed happy and helped by them.

It turned out to be a wonderful night, even though two of us would have a lot to deal with come tomorrow.

**OMG! Do you all hate me now? I am SOOOOOOOOOO sorry it's taken so long! I was coming up on two weeks since I last updated! That's just wrong of me. I apologize a million times. I don't deserve your reviews for this chapter! I hope you guys don't hate me. I know this chapter was still pretty short, and I'm sorry, but finals week took up all my time. I am happy to say that I am free for about 6 weeks now, so I'll be able to update faster. I really need to update my Numb3rs story, too. It's been since Thanksgiving and I probably won't get to it until Monday or so.**

**PLEASE DON'T HATE ME!**

**And, as a heads up, there should be only two more chapters. Sorry!**


	19. Forgiveness Doesn't Matter

Johnny left Two-Bit's house fairly early the next day. He wasn't looking forward to talking to April and Michael, but he knew it had to be done. Besides, he felt stronger now since he'd talked to the gang.

He let himself in the front door. Michael should have left by now, but he hadn't. That surprised Johnny.

Mike and April were sitting at the table in the same place they had been in the night before. For a moment Johnny wondered if they had stayed there the whole night, but quickly discarded it when he realized they'd changed clothes.

"Hi, Johnny," April said with a weak smile.

"Hey," Johnny spoke in reply. He closed the door behind him and emptied his things onto the couch. He went to the table and sat down, knowing that was what they wanted.

"How are you this morning?" April started by asking sweetly.

"I'm okay." Johnny licked his lips and took a deep breath to steady himself. "Look, I-I talked with the gang a lot last night and I feel better about this. I-I understand that you took an interest in fostering me because you already knew me, and I guess that's okay. I mean it's good because at least someone was caring about me when my parents wouldn't."

Mike nodded sadly. He couldn't stand how neglectful Johnny's parents had been.

"I'm okay now. I wish you had told me about Jacob sooner, but I can understand why you didn't."

April and Michael seemed to breathe again at the same instant. "That's good to hear, son. I apologize for not telling you. It's true that we missed being parents, but that wasn't what drove this decision. You were our biggest motivation to foster you. We knew you needed help and we wanted to give it to you. We knew it'd be better if you were with us because we had a history. It just seemed right."

"Yes, Johnny, we never meant to hurt you by not telling you. We were just... afraid that you'd get frightened because of it."

"I'll admit I wasn't real excited about it. It definitely caught me by surprise. I was hoping that you weren't trying to replace Jacob with me."

April's eyes glazed over with tears. "No. No, our boy was irreplaceable. We'd never do that."

Suddenly there was a pause as April and Mike looked at each other. Mike reached for his wife's hand and turned back to Johnny.

"Actually, Johnny, we wanted to talk to you about something. We've been talking about it for a while. We know you're almost an adult now, which means you'll no longer need foster parents, but we were still wondering about something."

"What is it?"

April and Mike smiled at each other before turning their smiles to Johnny. "We want to know if you would be okay with us adopting you."

Johnny couldn't breathe. Was he dreaming? It couldn't be real because they were the ones asking. No one in his seventeen years had wanted him. Why now? Johnny actually pinched himself.

"Ow." He felt the pain. He was awake. It was true. He was truly wanted.

"What was that for?" April asked with a nervous smile.

"I, uh... I had to make sure I was awake."

"And why is that?" Mike asked with a look of confusion on his face.

"No one has ever wanted one before."

"Oh, honey. How could no one want you?" April stood and walked around the table to Johnny's chair. She wrapped him in a hug. She didn't know if Johnny would agree to it, but she didn't care. She'd love him – want him – like he was her own son. Well, not like she'd loved Jacob, but like she would love Johnny as if he was another son.

Johnny grabbed onto one of April's arms and closed his eyes as a content smile crossed his face.

"I understand if this is a bit sudden for you, but if-" Mike stopped when Johnny cut him off.

"I'm okay with it. More than okay with it, actually. It's more than I ever would have expected, hoped for. Are you sure you want me, though?"

"Oh, Johnny, of course we do. You're a wonderful young man. You've had a hard life, and we understand that. We're here for you now because we want to be."

Johnny smiled timidly. "Really?"

April and Mike both smiled at him and said in unison, "Really."

Johnny bit his trembling lip as tears came to his eyes. The emotions choked him and he looked down at his hands. It was really happening. After all these years, Johnny had found a family he belonged to. Not a family like the gang, though they were the only ones he'd considered family for a long time. This was a real family, the family he had longed for. He actually got a mother and father, ones who cared about him instead of ignored him, unless they were hitting and cussing at him. It didn't seem real, but he let himself believe it because it would be the best thing he could hope for.

"Th-thank you," he whispered quietly through the clog of emotions in his throat as tears fell down his face.

"Oh, sweetheart." April stood a gain and held Johnny tightly as he sobbed. He was happy, though. It was too wonderful. He barely believed it was real. Could it really be?

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Steve ended up staying with the Curtis brothers that night. He was thankful they'd driven over because he felt about as weak as a newborn kitten. Soda stayed up with him until he fell asleep, which was basically until the medication kicked in. His insides shook at what the next day would bring, making dreams less pleasant.

It was morning now and the majority of yesterday's cold had gone away. He was surprised to find himself alone, but he soon realized why when he read the clock. Being after noon, Darry and Soda would be at work and Pony would be at school.

He found a message from Soda that simply read "Good luck!" on it. Steve smiled at it, though it felt fake coming from him. He was terrified. How could he do this? How could he make his father understand?

Steve reluctantly started to go home. The idea of going home was foreign to him. Home? There had been no true home in his life, save for the few precious years he had had a real family. Home would have represented a loving place where you belonged and felt like you belonged. Home was some where safe. Home was where you spent time with loved ones.

When had that been the case for him after his father started drinking? He had a house, but not a home. There was a huge difference between the two words. He could go to his friends' houses, but he didn't belong there. Sure they made him feel comfortable there, but it wasn't his. It was theirs. So he wandered around. He was a homeless boy with a house.

And now this was about to change. How would it work? He had searched for a home, but knew he'd never find one elsewhere. He needed his mother. He had been so close to her. There had been an unspoken love and bond between them. They never brought up Steve's father and what he did, except to ask if the other was okay. His mother had made everything right. And, God, did Steve miss her.

Steve lightly opened the door to his house; it was not a home yet. His father was asleep on the couch in an upright position, meaning he'd probably stayed up waiting for him. It had been Steve's plan to never return, but Soda had convinced him otherwise. Seeing his dad look so helpless and worried, though, helped convince him as well.

"Wake up, Dad," Steve said lightly and was able to keep the malice out of his voice.

Garth jumped at the sound of his son's voice. He stared up at his son, surprised that he was home. _Home?_

"Steve. Oh, God, are you all right?" Garth stood to his son, seeing a reflection of how he had looked when he was younger.

"I'm fine." The worst of his cold was over. He hoped it wouldn't wear him out now.

"Wh-where did you go?"

"I went to Two-Bit's house, then to the Curtis' house."

"I-I'm so sorry about yesterday, Steve, I just-"

Steve raised his hand to stop him. "It's my turn to talk, Dad... not yours."

There was a question in Garth's eyes, but he didn't voice it. He sat back down and stared at his son, waiting for an explanation.

Steve sat across from his father. He held his hands tightly in his lap when they began to shake from his nervousness.

"For a long time it seemed, it was the three of us. We got along great and we were a family. When, um, when you started working at the factory, that changed. Back when I still believed we'd still be a family, I tried to blame your drinking and abusive problems on the paper you used to work at. I changed that opinion pretty quickly though.

"The moment I lost all faith and respect for you was when you hurt Mom so badly for the first time. It was late at night, around twelve o'clock. Mom had told me to go to bed hours ago. I woke up, though, when you burst through the door. Mom had been asleep on the couch like a good wife, waiting for you to come home to make sure you were okay. And from the second you walked into the room, you were cussing at her, threatening her, and then fulfilling your threats.

"With the first hit, I came out of my room. She was already on the floor when I came. You started kicking her head and face. So I charged at you, believing somehow I could protect her. You kicked me a couple times, so I got out of the way. She was unconscious, but you went back to hitting her. After about twenty minutes of it, you stumbled away, only to pass out on your bed."

Steve paused to catch his breath. Tears were in his eyes due to the memory of that horrid night, but his father's tears were worse. Tears were streaming down Garth's face as he listened to his son's story. He didn't even remember doing it.

"I got Mom up and helped her out to the car. I drove us to the hospital, though I was only twelve at the time. She had a gash in her head that was bleeding heavily. Her lip was swollen and after being examined, we found out she had three broken ribs. She looked awful, and you know how beautiful she had been."

Steve felt choked at the thought as his father nodded.

"The police were notified, but she claimed she didn't remember. Since she wouldn't tell, neither would I. She had a scar on her forehead for the rest of her life and the ugly bruises took a long time to go away. During that time, she had me do the shopping for her, and I was happy to do it. She didn't want anyone to see what you had done to her... because she still believed you would change. And she kept on believing it, until she lost all hope and killed herself."

Steve waited while he and his father got better holds on their emotions. When he knew he could talk without bursting into tears, he continued.

"So, you see, that's why I can't easily forgive you. I've wanted to, but when I think about what you did to Mom, it makes me want to keep on hating you. Forget about what you did to me. I would have gladly taken the hits for Mom if I could have. I can forgive what you did to me. That wasn't the issue. It was what you made me see, how I had to see Mom suffer repeatedly. And the hardest part was how I saw your faults. I always had. But Mom didn't. I couldn't argue with her about it. She knew you didn't mean it. She knew you would never hurt her on purpose. And she never had reason to forgive you, because in her mind, you never did anything that deserved forgiving."

Steve bowed his head as he stared at his hands. He heard his father give a quiet sob and he felt like crying himself.

"I-I-I wanted a family for so long. I kept believing I'd have one again after you started at the factory. I kept on believing it for years because Mom kept that faith alive. She believed you would be back to us, sobered up, but you never did... and I think that killed Mom more than pulling the trigger did.

"So, you're a little late for this. I'm sorry, but you are. If you had come the day before Mom killed herself, you still would have been on time. But now, it's too late for this. We're not a family anymore, and haven't been for quite some time."

Steve surprised himself with the words. It wasn't what he had planned on telling his father, but when he thought about it, it was true. His father was too late. He had given up on having a family again years ago. Why should it be different now just because he finally has returned? Garth didn't make it in time. That was his own fault.

"No! No, Steve, please. Don't tell me that. It can't end like this. You, you can't do this to me. Please! I'll try harder. You have to believe that. I'm sorry I'm too late. I'm sorry for all I put you through. Please, Steve, don't turn me away now. Please!"

Steve felt sorry for his father. He really did. But that pity didn't change anything. There was no family here anymore. That family died with his mother.

"I'm sorry, too, Dad. But, we're not a family anymore. We haven't been for quite some time. That's not going to change."

"What are you going to do then? Please, you can't... you can't just stay out of my life. You're my son. I need you."

"You didn't need me for about six years. I think you'll live now."

Steve stood to go to his room, but his father called out to him and followed him.

"Steve! No, you can't do this! Please! I'm begging you! We don't have to be a family, but please, don't leave. I can't have that. Please, Steve! Please!"

Steve thought about it for a moment. Could he stand to live with him and Elisabeth? What if he changed his mind? Maybe there was still hope that they could be a family if he still gave it a chance.

"Okay. I'll stay."

Garth breathed a huge sigh of relief. He grabbed his son in a tight hug. "Oh, thank you. Thank you, Steve. I-I love you so much. Please, don't leave me now."

There was a slight chance that they could still be a family, but Steve didn't hold much hope for it. He had lost faith in his father, in having a family again. It hadn't been his plan, but this was how it was. It wasn't his fault. It was his father's doing. He had forgiven his father; he could tell by the weight lifted off his shoulders. But that didn't change what was unchangeable. They couldn't be a family, no matter how much they wanted it. If they were going to be a family, they were going to have to work at it really hard, and for a long time.

**Man, I got out of school and I'm still taking a long time to update! There are too many things to do! LOL I hope that's okay. It just prolongs the ending, which will come either in the next chapter or the one after it. Any loose ends that need to be cleared? Anything that you guys need to see happen before the end? Because this is the end of the trilogy. No four-logy in the making. Sorry!**

**Another "fun fact" on what I was going to do with this chapter. When Steve tells his father that they couldn't be a family, Garth was going to be so mad that he was going to hurt Steve, maybe even killing him. Also, I had planned that Steve was just going to forgive him and they'd live happily ever after. Sorry, but that's just not as believable.**


	20. An Unlikely Family

**Darry's POV**

It had been a long, tedious, day at work. I was ready to be home. Pony would probably be home alone, unless Soda actually got a night off from work. I hoped he did. We could always use the money, but Soda deserved time off. He'd been working too hard lately.

Again I couldn't help but scold myself for failing my brothers. Soda never should have dropped out of school. I never should have let him. I should never have yelled at Pony and hit him that night. Then he never would have gotten hurt and if he hadn't gotten hurt. Soda wouldn't have to work so hard like me. He shouldn't be worrying about this. His concern should be school.

"Have I failed you, guys?" I quietly asked my parents as I drove.

Tears filled my eyes at that thought. Of all the times my parents had yelled at me, I was never upset because they yelled at me. It was the sense of failure and disappointment I'd brought to them. I always hated that.

I set my jaw hard as I willed the tears to go away. I hated this weakness. Pony and Soda needed someone strong, not weak. I couldn't go into the house crying.

I passed the lot and had to do a double take. Steve was sitting alone in the lot against a tree. It wasn't unusual that he was t here; there was just a definite sadness to him.

I fought the tears as I pulled into our driveway I quickly dried my eyes and face. Taking a deep breath, I got out of the truck.

I walked into our house and Soda and Pony were sitting by each other on the couch. I smiled when I saw Soda. I was happy he got the day off. He'd need to go see Steve now.

"Hey, Soda, have you seen Steve lately?"

"Not since the other night, no. Why?"

"I think you'd better go talk to him. He's in the lot by himself. He looks kinda down."

Soda automatically stood. "I'll go see what's going on." He went to the door before turning around and to look at me. "Are you okay, Darry?"

I put on a fake smile. "Yeah. I'm fine."

Soda grinned back. "Okay. I'll be back in a while."

"Okay."

I sat by Pony on the couch and threw an arm across the back of the chair.

"Hey, Pony. How are you?"

Pony just shrugged and I frowned. He hadn't been acting like that for a while. What was up?

"Are you okay?" I touched Pony's arm and he slid farther away from me.

"Hey. Why are you mad at me?"

Pony rolled his eyes and stood, leaving me on the couch.

I stared at his back, having no idea what was going on.

I moaned as my back ached with pain. I slid off the couch and onto the floor, laying my back flat against it. I closed my eyes as another tightening in my back shot through me. I should know better by now not to carry so many bundles at once.

I could feel tears come to my eyes once more. I hated feeling like an old man. I was only 21. When I wasn't working, I was still in good shape. But after a strenuous day at work, I felt like a forty-five year old man. It wasn't fair.

One tear managed to escape my closed lids. I took a shaky breath in an attempt to stop crying.

I opened my eyes and was startled when I saw Pony standing above me. He didn't look mad, really. He looked more sad to me.

"What's going on, Pony?" I asked quietly.

"Why were you crying?" Pony asked equally as soft.

"Nothing, kiddo. I'm fine."

The anger returned on Pony's face. I sat up and pulled on his arm until he joined me on the floor. I leaned my back against the couch.

"What's going on? Why are you mad at me?"

Pony leaned forward and pressed his face into my shoulder before looking up several moments later.

"I don't want to be mad at you, Darry, but I know something's wrong. I could tell the second you walked through the door. Why don't you and Soda get it? We made a deal not that long ago that we'd be open and honest with each other when something is bothering us. So why don't you two obey it? Why is it only me who has to talk to you guys?"

I grabbed Pony in a comforting hug as I laid my cheek atop his head. "I'm sorry, buddy."

Pony wrapped his arms around my waist tightly. "What happened, Darry?"

I sighed. "I don't know. I just... I was in one of those moods. I was thinking about Mom and Dad... and how I've failed them." I whispered the last part.

Pony's head shot up, bumping my face off his head. "How could you say that?"

His greenish-gray eyes stared into mine and I began to feel guilty for saying it.

"You've never failed Mom and Dad. Ever. Don't you remember how proud they were of you?"

"Were," I whispered.

"Shut up!" Pony shoved me in the chest. "They'd still be proud of you if they saw you now! You're the best brother in the world! I don't know anyone who would do what you did for us. You could have left me and Soda, but you didn't! Mom and Dad would be so proud of you for doing that!

"And you work your ass off every day. You shouldn't have to. You've never even accepted anyone else's help or money because you know you can do it by yourself. And you have! Darry, Mom and Dad would be more proud of you now than they were before they died. I know that."

I looked away from Pony as tears started spilling from my eyes and down my face. I choked out a sob, but tried to cover it up with a cough.

Pony reached out and took my chin in his hand, much like I had done with him before. He turned my face to him and gave my a sad smile when he saw the tears.

"You don't have to hide from me, Darry. I know how strong you are."

I smiled back, though I continued to cry. Pony grabbed hold of me again in a tight hug and I hugged him back.

"It'll be okay, Darry."

I smiled at how much he sounded like me and Soda when he was the one hurting. I was so proud of him. He was a comfort to me, though an unlikely one.

I rested my head on Pony's shoulder and squeezed harder. I love my brothers so much. How could I ever let them down?

**Steve's POV**

I wasn't expecting Soda to come to the lot, but I was thankful that he did. I had been unusually stoic about this whole thing, but I hadn't talked to anyone about it yet. Maybe that had something to do with it.

Soda was smiling as he walked up to me. "What's up, man?"

Soda sat beside me and leaned against the tree, too. He waited for me to say something.

"I surprised myself. I... I don't even know where it came from."

Soda frowned. "What happened?"

"I told my dad that we could never be a family again. I even forgave him, but I just... can't."

"What?"

"I don't know, man. When I saw him, I just couldn't let him back into my life like we're a family. I don't think I ever can."

"How did he take it?"

I shook my head slowly. "Not well. I hurt him, I'm sure. I didn't mean to, of course."

Soda nodded. "I'm sure you didn't. But, wow, I-I wasn't expecting that."

"Me either."

"So, um, what are you going to do?"

"Well, Dad convinced me to stay with them. I said we'd see if it would work out, but I doubt it will. At least I get food and my own room for free, as far as I know at least."

"Well, you know you're always welcome with us. I mean, we are family after all, brother."

Soda smiled and hugged me. I smiled back at him and watched as he stood.

"You going to be okay?"

I nodded. "I think so."

"Well, if you need me, you know where to find me."

"Yeah, I know. Go on, you goof."

Soda waved and jogged away.

I felt a content feeling inside me. Even though I couldn't find a family with actual relatives, I could find it still with the only family I could always depend on. We made an unlikely family, but we were as close as any family I knew.

I smiled as I leaned back against the tree again. I guess I had a family after all.

**Johnny's POV**

Mike and April decided to go out for the night, so I was home alone. They had invited me to join them, but I had declined their invitation. I knew with Mike's busy schedule they didn't get to spend much time with each other.

I was a bit worried when someone banged on the door shortly after they had left. I cautiously opened the door and found Dallas on the porch, looking very drunk.

"I need to talk to you," Dallas pointed his finger at me as he stumbled into the house.

"Okay." I closed the door behind him and followed him to the couch.

Dallas basically fell down on the couch, so I took the seat across from him. After a bit of moaning, Dallas sat up and looked at me.

"It was all my fault." His words were slurred, but they rang in loud and clear to me.

"What? What are you talking about?"

"The fire! It was my fault. And you shooting that Soc. It was all my fault."

"What are you talking about, Dal?"

"Can't you hear? It was all my fault!"

I rolled my eyes, thankful that he was drunk since he wouldn't hit me for it. "I got that part. How is it your fault?"

"I should have been there with you! I would have taken care of those assholes for you. Then you never would have gotten hurt. Or if I would have kept you from walking those dumb chicks home. Then I would have made sure you went to the door and go inside. Pony would have been home in time and Darry wouldn't have hit him! You wouldn't have walked to the park and wouldn't have gotten beat up.

"And I should have kept you at the church, or found you a hiding place after Pony got hurt in the fire. You didn't have to come back with us. You should have run away. You never should have gone to prison and juvie. Never. I never should have let it happen."

"Dallas, you couldn't-"

"Don't lie to me! You know it was my fault!"

At that moment it hit me how hard everyone had taken what happened. Darry thought it was his fault because he hit Pony. Dallas thought it was his fault because he didn't protect us. Two-Bit thought it was his fault because he didn't make us go home. Pony thought it was his fault because he fell asleep in the lot. Steve and Soda thought it was their fault because they didn't go with us. And I thought it was my fault because I killed Bob and made us run away.

Were we all really that close? We laid blame on ourselves when one of us was hurt or in trouble. I thought only families did that.

I was getting a family with Mike and April. I was so thankful for that. I had felt so lonely before because I thought I didn't have a family. We all joked and teased that we were a family, but I don't think anyone really took it seriously. I mean, we're not related.

But we were a family. We were brothers. We looked out for each other, we were always there for each other. And now, when one of us was hurt and one was in trouble, we all laid blame on ourselves.

I smiled at Dallas who was quietly crying on the couch. I stood and crossed the small distance between us. Dallas looked up at me when I came over and I hugged him.

"Thanks, brother."

I felt him lightly hug me back at first, as if hesitant, then he grabbed me in a tighter hold.

I smiled as he hugged me. He was looking out for me. He wanted to protect me. And when he hadn't, he felt he had failed... as a brother.

**Two-Bit's POV**

"Hey, Mama," I said when she walked through the door. She looked exhausted and rather upset. I frowned as I took in her appearance. Something was wrong.

"What is it?" I asked as I pulled her to the couch.

"Oh, it's nothing, sweetie. Don't worry about me." She patted my hand and began to stand up, but I pulled her back down.

"Talk to me, Mama."

Instead of talking, she broke down crying. I felt my eyes go wide in surprise, but I quickly recovered as I reached out and held her.

"It's okay, Mama. It's okay."

Mom tightened her hold around me and cried into my shoulder. "Oh, sweetie. T-tomorrow is..."

"What? What is it?"

"Molly's birthday."

I froze. Mom's sobs turned into shrieks and she pressed her face harder into my shoulder, pressing me against the back of the couch. I felt tears come to my eyes then, too, but it took a moment for it to really sink in.

Molly's birthday. I didn't even realize it. How could I have not known? It showed how horrible a brother I was. I didn't even know her birthday. She would have been thirteen.

_Would have been. _That thought pushed me over the edge. I gripped Mom firmly and pressed my face into the top of her shoulder as I cried with her.

After a while, she pushed back and looked into my face. She grabbed both sides of my face with her hands and wiped at my tears with her fingers.

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't want to upset you."

"I-I didn't even know it was going to be her birthday."

"Oh, baby. Come here."

This time Mom was the one to hold me. I cried into her shoulder as she soothed me.

"I was a horrible brother," I cried.

"No. No, baby. Don't say that. You were a good brother."

I shook my head. "No I wasn't. I-I-I never paid attention to her. I was never around. I didn't even know her."

"Sh. It's okay. She understood. And she loved you anyway."

"Why? Why would she love me?"

"Because you're her brother. You're a wonderful person. You have the best sense of humor, and whenever you were around, you did make her laugh. And toward the end-" Mom stopped to let out a sob. "She was so thankful for you. You took such good care of her. We were both so proud of you."

"I'm sorry, Mama," I held onto her tighter.

"Sh. You have nothing to be sorry for, you hear?" She tilted my face up.

"I'm sorry I fell apart on you, dear. I know I'm supposed to be the stronger one, but it just really hit me."

"It's okay. You're human, too."

Mom smiled. "Yes, I am."

"You think we're going to be okay?"

"I know we will."

Mom kissed my forehead and then stood up. "I'll start supper. You want to help?"

"Sure."

I followed her into the kitchen and silently we worked together. We made quite the pair, but we worked well together. I couldn't help but think how different this was. A year ago I would have gone to a restaurant to eat, or would just go without. Now me and my mother were working together to make something to eat.

I liked the latter better.

**Soda's POV**

I was happy to get back in. I knew Steve had needed to talk, but I could see that he was actually handling it rather well. I was surprised with what he had said. I hadn't expected that. I was expecting them to become a family again. I could tell, though, that he really couldn't let his father back into his life like that. And that was understandable. I just hoped that Steve wouldn't regret it later.

When I walked through the door, I wondered where Pony and Darry were, since I didn't see them. I walked past the couch, and jumped about a mile high when I saw them sitting on the floor.

"Holy!" I grabbed my heart and stared wide-eyed at them.

"What the hell is going on?"

I sank down to the floor with them. I could see Darry had been crying, and maybe Pony had been too. That wasn't right. Something was up.

"I, um, I had a bad day, I guess you can say," Darry said and I saw Pony give him a quick squeeze around the waist.

"What are you talking about? Are you all right?"

"Yeah, I'm... I'm fine. I just, I was getting in one of those moods, you know? The one where I just can't see what good I've done. I couldn't help but think I had failed Mom and Dad with you two."

"What?" I moved closer to Darry, looking him full in the face. "How could you think that?"

Darry gave me a small smile. "Pony asked me the same thing. It's okay, little buddy. Pony set me straight."

Pony smiled proudly from beneath Darry's arm. I shook my head and smiled at him, too.

"You two, I swear. You act like you can never get along and are different as apples and oranges, but when it comes to the important stuff, you two get along like jelly and eggs."

Darry scrunched up his face in disgust and Pony said "ew."

"What? It's good! I'm telling you guys!"

"If we go together like jelly and eggs, we basically are as different as apples and oranges."

I rolled my eyes and sighed in frustration. "Fine. You go together like jelly and eggs, according to me."

Pony smiled. "That's better."

I rolled my eyes again and stood. "You two get on my nerves some times."

"Likewise, little brother." Darry grinned at me.

"Shut up."

I walked down the hall and could hear Pony and Darry laughing behind me. I smiled to myself. I was so glad that they had gotten so much closer now. Before, they never got along. It was the way it was supposed to be now, and I liked it just fine.

**Aw, sad face. This is the last chapter before the epilogue. There will be a more personal moment from Pony at the beginning, and then I'll kinda go off and explain some things that I have planned for their futures. Let me know if you have anything that needs wrapped up that I didn't finish too well. I'm willing to write a bit more, since there won't be a fourlogy. :-(**

**Happy holidays!**


	21. Aw, Man, It's The End

Ponyboy found himself reminiscing over the past one Saturday afternoon. Darry and Soda were off a work and he was home alone. His homework had been finished the night before, since Pony found it to be incredibly easy.

He was stretched out across his bed, staring up at the ceiling as the thoughts took over his attention. He could hardly believe it was coming up on a year since it had all began. Pony could remember it all vividly, making it seem like it had happened only days, not months, before.

Pony leaned forward to reach his prosthesis and scratched. He thought it was strange how though he didn't' have feeling in the prosthesis, if he felt an itch and scratched the prosthesis, it satisfied the sensation.

A year ago he had his own legs. His friend had never killed anyone. Pony's old pain was the absence of his parents in his life. It seemed almost simple compared to how it is now.

Pony turned his head to his desk in the corner. He saw a pile of old notebooks from school. He pushed himself up off the bed and walked the short distance to the desk. He sank onto the chair and turned through the pages of the notebooks in search of one with the most paper left.

He found an old red covered notebook. He tore out the pages he had already used. Picking up a pencil, he knew what he had to do.

Something like this had to be written down. It was a story that had to be told. He would not let himself forget any single detail. And if he wrote it down, maybe others would remember it, too.

Taking the pencil to the page, he began the story. The story of the most influential part of his life. The part of his life that would shape who he was for the rest of his life. A part of the lives of his friends that would make them all into different people. A part that would change Johnny, but for the better. It was the part of the gangs' lives that they would all remember so well and think back on often.

He began it from the moment things truly changed. It wasn't when they reached the movie theater, when they walked Cherry and Marcia home, when they fell asleep in the lot, when Darry hit him, when they reached the park.

No. It wasn't any of those.

Beginning the story that changed their world, Pony wrote this.

"Is it safe yet?" Johnny asked Dallas as he finished his fifth barbecue sandwich.

----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

In his senior year of high school, Ponyboy Michael Curtis led his track team to victory at the state championship. No one would remember that he did it with a prosthesis, but they would remember that he did it with the most heart of any player on the team.

Sodapop Patrick Curtis continued working at the DX with his friend Steve. Later, the two bought the gas station. Soda never changed much. He and his brother saw their brother through college and Soda would later say that was one of his proudest accomplishments. Soda traveled a lot, but Tulsa was always the place he longed for when he got lonely.

Darrel Shaynne Curtis Jr. went back to college after Pony finished college. He worked his way through it and came out with high honors. He never left Tulsa, though earlier he had wanted to get far away from the city. His brothers kept him there.

Johnny Cade Baker found happiness with his adoptive parents. He easily called them Mom and Dad and tried to forget about his biological parents. The only ties he kept with them was DNA. He went back to high school and got his diploma only a year behind Pony.

Keith "Two-Bit" Mathews continued to work with his mother in the local diner. He slowly worked his way up to waiter and later went to school to become a chef. It was a true passion for him, one that he liked to experiment with and try out on his mother and friends.

Dallas Winston changed his ways later on in life. He was still mean and tough, but he didn't get involved in as many fights and he never used drugs again. He didn't like how it had had such a strong hold on him and he vowed never to let anything control him like that again. He went back to New York when he was 23 and looked up his father. Regrettably, his father had passed away before he could make amends with him. Dallas didn't know if talking to his father would have made a difference, but he regretted that he never got the chance.

Steven Randle never truly had a family with his father and stepmother. He would later say that he did come to love them both, but family wasn't what he would use to describe their situation. He was content with the family he had found in the gang and they never let him down. Steve enjoyed working with cars and continued to do so even after he and his brother Soda had bought the gas station.

Pony believed that because of the events that had taken place the summer he turned 14 his friends all became better people. There were no premature deaths among the gang for they were all sure to protect each other from harm. The older gang members held a protective side to Ponyboy and Johnny and rarely was there a time that one was without another of the gang.

Pony made copies of his story "The Outsiders" for everyone in the gang. It was his way of making sure that no one would forget what he knew he would always remember.

**Sad, sad, sad. IT'S OVER! Can you believe it? Heck, I can't! I wish it wasn't, but I have nothing left to give you along this story line. Sorry that this chapter is short, but it's more a summarization. **

**NOTE: The beginning is kind of a spoof off of S. E. Hinton's ending to The Outsiders. Therefore, she has the rights, not me. I only own the created characters.**

**I hope to see you all soon. The great Lizzy Jo Curtis and I are planning on working together on one of her fabulous ideas. So, I guess I'll see you then.**

**Continue to stay gold! Thanks again to everyone who has helped me get through this! Thanks for reading and reviewing!**


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